Last updated on November 14, 2021
This blog post is part of an old series of journal entries during a time of major depression. In my effort to build shame resilience and become more comfortable my authentic self, I am publishing these previously unpublished journals.
Written on Tuesday Nov 19 2019
I’m writing on the go today. This morning I didn’t want to get up because I have to go to the health clinic today. I used to love going to medical offices because I get so much attention and everyone seems to care about me. Today, they are probably going to be looking at my naked butt which I’m super anxious about.
I was handed a paper that asked if I have drinken more than 5 drinks in a day anytime in the last year. And then it went on to ask about whether or not I’m feeling depressed.
Blah, I wanna go home and eat. But I’m out of coconut milk and garbanzo beans. And oatmeal. Maybe I will stop by the grocery store on the way home. I really shouldn’t because I have no money. Maybe I should go next door to the employment agency LOL.
Go get a shit job so I can stop worrying about caash.. No, I won’t be able to hold it. I’ll last a day or three, then quit showing up.
Boy I’m hungry. At least I ate a B12 multivitamin this morning. Those always give me energy.
It would be better if I were walking or something. I wouldn’t feel so hungry.
I just got examined. It was so embarrasing. It’s going to be okay though. They are only trying to help. I want to get better. Apparently they can only do so much because they say it’s a skin condition. I was referred to a dermatologist. Now I’m waiting to get blood drawn.
I touched my butt and I want to wash my hands. But there is no sink in here, only hand sanitizer. I used the hand sanitizer but I still want to wash my hands. Cost saving measure for sure. No sink means no plumbing or maintenance.
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