Fri Aug 21 2020

I’m learning about opendime, because it’s interesting af.

So yesterday I did not prioritize journalling LOL.

I don’t think I’ve done any CoDA or CBT this week. Wait nope, that’s wrong. I just verified using my progess chart, and I worked on those things 2 times earlier in the week.

Today I worked on sbtp-loyalty (now split into two repos called sbtp-cms and sbtp-app)

I want an opendime! Not because I’ll have any good use for it, I just want to be a consumer who buys bullshit he doesn’t need!


Now I buy food, if I’m lucky. And that’s about all I can buy.

I need a job.

I don’t want a job.

Such is my dilemma.

Hopefully this website is fully functioning and LIVE and PRODUCTION QUALITY when this blog post goes live.

LOL, what a crazy life I have. Crazy dull(?) boring(?) insane(?)

I do the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I try so hard to not form relationships, but I think that being financially successful requires forming LOTS of relationships.

Anyway, here’s what I made today

I’m finally seeing PROGRESS on this project! I think I might have a future in web design… Maybe that could be a career path for me?

Fuck, I just wanna make shit and sit at home all day and make shit.

I like doing the work I do. The problem is this work is not IKIGAI

I have passion, I have the beginnings of a mission (bring Prememo to the USA), but as far as getting paid for it? Not doing so good.

It’s such a strange time. My eBay business depends on people spending their money irresponsibly. I have been wondering quite often, “Would I be seeing the financially success I need if COVY hadn’t happened?”

It’s so strange because I was doing so well a few weeks ago. COVY or not, I was getting loads of orders and shipping product.

It might have been a black swan event. It might be that what I’m listing lately is shitty poo poo that nobody wants!

It’s so strange. There’s too many variables to accurately determine what is going on with my eBay store.

I think a big part is that I’m not listing thrift store items and old junk anymore. I’m pretty much out of all that stuff. I threw a lot of under performing items out, so I could focus on Prememo and cards.

Focus time. 25 minutes of writing, without distraction.

Pop_OS! has a nice feature where I can hit Super+H and whatever window is active gets hidden.

It’s probably available on recent Ubuntu versions as well, since I think the responsible underlying window management software is Gnome3.

It’s really nice. I have become quite a fan of Pop_OS! and it’s variety of window management features. I wonder if that website is an easy one to remember. I remember I kinda struggled with that acronym for awhile. I think I might change it, but only after I get some customer feedback.

I have a Github project outlined in my sbtp-loyalty repo. I don’t think projects can be transferred to different repos, so I think I’ll just continue with that repo until I get to a production-ready release.

So the idea that I had this morning was that I could solicit user feedback from my family members.

Once my app is feature complete, I’ll use the app to print out some prize code cards. On one of the nights that we have family dinner (usually sunday), I’ll take a stack of prize code cards with me.

I’ll need a bag of fun-size candy bars as well, to entice family members to try my app.

“App review for a candy bar?”

My idea is that I’ll keep the beta tester in the dark. I’ll simply hand them a prize code card, and watch. The goal is that the information contained on the card is substantial enough to where the beta tester knows exactly what to do.

  • Go to in your web browser
  • Create an account (social media OAuth2 logins are a MUST)
  • Claim the prize using the printed prize code

Maybe an account login should not be required, until the user wants to check-out? Nah, that’s probably more trouble than it’s worth.

Maybe the beta tester could bring up some complaints, and I would be sure to write them down.

The whole point is to collect negative feedback, which I will use to improve the user experience.

I don’t have a brick-and-mortar store, so I can’t see how my customers would use the app. Family should be a fair substitute!

Right now, my idea for the app is to deploy it as a Progressive Web App (PWA.) This is the kind of app that you don’t install through an app store like Google Play or the Apple Store. Instead, all the user has to do is visit the website. Once on the website, the user is presented with an option to add the PWA to their phone’s home screen.

I don’t see any good reason to have an actual app via Google Play or Apple Store. Maybe I’m missing something, but that seems like a pain in the ass to deal with Google or Apple and have to go through their hoops to get approved.

Oh, maybe it’s payments. Native, mobile payments might be a thing that would benefit me from having an official app.

Mobile apps are really not my world! That’s why I need user feedback from people who don’t even own a personal computer, and interact with the internet solely through their smartphones.


Time tables. I should set some time tables for myself. Timelines. Deadlines.

When do I want to have this app ready for beta testing? I’m going to say November. Thanksgiving. That’s my hard deadline. If it takes me 4 months, I probably got stuck or gave up.

Omg there is no whip emoji.

{{ insert_whip_here }}


No but really, if it takes me 4 months, I probably gave up. I made such huge progress today. Like, I can’t even explain how much progress I made. I probably spent close to 10 hours on this project today. I took lots of breaks, I did yoga, I ate food, I walked this morning and showered and shaved…

I learned a metric shitton about React and Gatsby today. I implemented the login page UI (authentication network request still needed), I learned shit about how Gatsby routes pages and how client-only pages are a thing…

Very great progress. What I’m getting at is… If every day is as productive as today, I’ll be done with the app in a month.

Of course, I cannot keep up the pace of today. Today I spent long hours, and I would burnout if every day was like today.

Luckily I felt pretty balanced with today. My workload and my use of breaks was really good.


11:34PM. One more 25 minute writing session and I’ll probably be at 2000 words.

During my 6 minute break, I sat on my accupressure mat on my couch. Now I moved my accupressure mat to my wood kitchen table chair and I’m trying to ease into it without having too much pain too fast.

The pain is good. It only hurts until I can relax! It’s strange how that works, but I’m glad it does!

Over the past two days, the checkboxes I have difficulty checking off on my daily progress chart are

  • CBT or CoDA
  • eBay
  • TIL
  • Socializing
  • Japanese
  • Cleaning
  • Read
  • $30 income

Yeah, seems about right. I’ve been putting a lot of emphasis on I want that sweet sweet momentum!

It’s about to be Saturday. Saturday is pretty good for socializing and play. Will I put any effort into those two things? Probably not!

I think a good bike ride is in order. On my way home, I’ll stop at a grocery store and pick up some olive oil, and some kind of ingredients to make a sauce that will go good with rice & beans.

I had brown rice & lentils for dinner. I really enjoyed that, but it was missing a PUNCH.

I had added table salt, black pepper, and Frank’s hot sauce, but it really seemed to be missing FAT. A creamy texture was completely absent, and it felt incomplete.

I’ll look up some sauce recipes after I finish this blog post.

I have a temptation to buy cashew ice cream. I was about to write that I want to buy such a thing, but it’s not in the books. Anything I spend right now is coming from savings, not profits.

It sucks not having that monthly $194 government food allowance!

I’ll figure this out. I’ll figure out a way to achieve Ikigai!

Oh, I could use as an example of what I can create. It’ll be the shining star on my portfolio!

I don’t want to get ahead of myself. This project is just starting and I am nowhere near having something I can show off. I was hesitant to even share screenshots because most projects that I start sharing end up doomed.

I’ve been thinking about sbtp-loyalty for months. I’ve been coming up with ideas, drafting notes, finding inspiration from reading business books.

I’d like to think that something has changed with me. Somethings definitely have changed with me since fall of 2019. I’ve gone to therapy. I’ve had rock solid attendance. I’ve been working towards my goals. I’ve been taking responsibility for my future. I’ve been holding a somewhat consistent sleep schedule. I’ve been reducing the days when I binge on this or that.

I’ve begun facing my negative, uncomfortable emotions. I’ve been facing my fears of saying, “No.” I’ve been severing troubling, unhealthy relationships and only accepting new ones where I feel that both parties are equal.

I’m becoming a better version of myself every day. I think I am now ready to complete an app!

Procrastination isn’t about schedules or laziness. Procrastination is about avoiding uncomfortable emotions.

Well now I have coping mechanisms. I can write in my journal. I can write mean and nasty things and say fuck and shit. I can be as arrogant and ugly and petty as I want. I can get the feelings out instead of stuffing them inside and pretending they’re not there.

Feeling uncomfortable emotions is like cumming or vomiting or sneezing or coughing– sometimes I just need it!

I think I need it every day. I think I need to write every day. I need the cleansing action that only self-reflection can provide!

Yeah, okay there buddy. Let’s not get too caught up in the motivational platitudes and what-not. I have to keep this post grounded in something, otherwise it’s just me writing shit that sounds good.

Grounding time.

What is bothering me today?

I am lonely.

I don’t think I’ve said, “hi” to a single human being in the past four days. Last time I marked, “socialize” was on Monday, which would have been the Zoom call with my therapist.

Socializing with my therapist is fine and good, but what about when I no longer go to therapy? I think the place I go has a normal 6 month cutoff, but I got an extended time period because of how COVY CUT ME OFF from the services that I REALLY BENEFITED FROM. Namely, group therapy.

I’m not salty about it most days, but when I really think about it, and see the progress I was making in group therapy, I GET UPSET.

I get upset because of how THE FEAR OF COVY, not Covy itself, is causing so much MADNESS.

I think we really just need a calm leader who says, “It’s okay. COVY isn’t the disease we thought it was going to be. This is like a bad flu, and we have overreacted. Our economy is not doing good, and now is the time to go back to work.”

A calm and respectable leader. Hmmm… Nope, we don’t got that. I guess shit will just continue like this until there’s a completely unnecessary vaccine.

K tnx bai FUCKERS

I’m still angry about COVY. The anger is going to continue for a long time.

The anger will continue until the MEME of COVID-19 dies. I don’t give a shit about the actual virus.

I actually WANT TO GET COVID-19, beat it in a day, JUST SO I CAN CONFIRM MY BIASES and then SHOUT IT ON THE ROOFTOPS that this COVY lockdown is an overreaction.

Four months of shutdown. Shutdown where the economy TANKS because of FEAR OF COVY. Again, not COVY itself, but FEAR OF COVY.

This is the world I live in. This is madness.


Ok I think I have worked through this anger for now.

12:02AM. 2000+ words written.

I’m grateful for Olive oil because it’s fatty and I need more fat in my diet. I’m grateful for thermal paper because NO INK, EVER! I’m grateful for penis because it’s squishy.

I made that last one up because I’M DONE AND I WANT TO RESEARCH SAUCES!!!!!

40. I refuse to be pushed by my problems; I will be led by my dreams.
41. I am awake and ready to be awesome.
42. I will focus on my talents; I have things to share with the world.


I want to write one more gratitude thing because “penis” is such a copout!

I’m grateful for my health, because I like to feel good. I’m grateful that my family is generally healthy as well, because I like to see them doing well.

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