Fri Jan 17 2020

Jolly Day, mateys!

I just realized that WordPress gutenberg has an audio block! I’ve been using video blocks for the longest time to play music. Silly me! It only makes sense that there’s an audio block!

I’ve got my #jamuary2020 day 16 track stuck in my head. It’s good shit! I posted it on opengameart in addition to my blog. It received a comment as well! I was stoked to read it this afternoon.

Before it gets lost to time and space, here’s the director’s cut of day 16’s jam!

I just realized why I didn’t think there was an audio block. The audio block doesn’t allow uploading of .ogg files! How ironic that WordPress, an open source project does not allow .ogg audio files, an open source audio specification!

It matters not. I can simply work around the issue by using WordPress media uploader located at /wp-admin/media-new.php. Then I just reference the uploaded file in the audio block. I betcha it’s a known bug. Or maybe not. I don’t think I’ll take the time to report it because I aint got time for that!

The director’s cut has some audio level issues, LOL. The compilation is really just what I worked on at first, then I settled on making a track out of the second half. I just let my mind wander yesterday and compose whatever sounded nice.

Also I took a squirt of mushrooms before I composed. Microdosing pretty much. I got my psilosybin order in yesterday, and i was excited to try. I noticed my pupils dilated, and I felt more in touch with my body. I noticed a persistent pain around my left inner ear. I’ve had that pain for years and years. Maybe that’s why I’m so moody, I’m always in pain in that place, but my mind just got used to being in pain.

Also there was some pain in my right hand, and my stomach. The right hand makes sense because I’m always using it. Always typing or using a mouse. I’m going to have to deal with these issues. Hopefully I can find an ear-nose-throat doctor that is within my insurance network. I need to get a head scan or whatever it’s called. CT scan? CAT scan? Detailed head imaging. And I need a doctor who knows what they’re looking at. Whether it’s a stroke or a tumor or a complication from lefort 1 surgery, if it’s within my ability to do away with this pain, I’d like to take steps towards that goal.

I found the one ear nose and throat Dr. which accepts medicaid. I put the number in my phone. That’s baby steps.

I’m listening to all my Jamuary tracks up to this point. Jam 10 has potential! It needs some kickass drums!

I went to therapy this morning. I planning on waking up at 7AM and walking, but I decided I could use the extra sleep and I went back to bed. I still had difficulty getting out of bed when I woke up again at 8AM. Last night I stayed up pretty late. At least I didn’t eat really late. Thanks to that I seemed to have slept okay.

Still gotta get a new futon. Mine is all flat. I would like to get authentic Japanese tatami mats and a futon next time. That is going to cost a premium, for sure! It’s one more reason to be motivated and work hard, so I can have a nice bed to sleep on, a nice place to live, and a good flow of good food to eat.

I actually wasn’t thrilled to journal today. I want to jump into eBay listing. I have a huge pile of junk to list today.

Goddamn, LMMS has some good synths. LB302 is my favorite. AngryLead is my favorite preset. I love how it is polyphonic and it slides between notes. If there’s a gap between notes, there isn’t usually a slide, but if you put notes right up against eachother, they slide! A good example is my #Jamuary2020 Jam 13 track.

That first synth you hear with the up and down notes is the LB302 synth with AngryLead preset. The slide I’m talking about is the transition between notes. Instead of switching frequencies immediately, the LB302 slides up or down it’s tone depending on whether the next note is higher or lower.

Hopefully I’m explaining that okay. IDK what kind of music background my audience has.

Audience. LOL.

I wonder if I’m going to have the courage to post these blog posts. Yesterday I posted straight up, uncensored R-18 hentai. Hott as fuck R-18 hentai featuring my ultimate waifu supreme Hatsune Miku.

Three :mikuloves: emotes for you. Repeating things 3 times is something straight outta the bible! I do that to place the emphasis on the LOVE that is Miku.

It’s 2020 already. Worship a more recent god. That’s what I think. Goddess Miku.

There’s a module for that!

I realized yesterday that I’ll probably never be able to make a complete database/archive of every Miku module ever. Modules from video games might be achievable, but the community has made so many thousands of modules that there’s little hope of ever logging every single one!

I can still try, though. I can try because it’s important and precious work. That reminds me, I haven’t updated my VOCALOID01 app in several days.

I sorta put code on the backburner for the moment. I talked to my therapist about this. I don’t feel ready to take a job in web development. What I didn’t tell her is that I don’t want to feel married to a job. I’m going back and forth on this in my mind. If it’s web development, I would probably love to go to work every day. It could still be in my future, but right now I think I want it as a hobby more than anything else.

That’s bullshit. I think I’m just scared. I’m scared of starting a career in web development. I’m scared of the interview process. I’m scared of flaking like I’ve flaked so many times. I’m scared of being overwhelmed and taking requests and working in a team…

Baby steps? What’s a baby step to getting a job in web development? Making a kickass portfolio, I guess. Well, the thing is I have to get money now. I’m going to have to pay rent at the end of this month. I’m going to have to continue to pay rent at the end of every month going forward. I desired this above most things because I need to financially detach from my parents.

Financial dependence on my parents is the #1 reason I was ready to kill myself just a few months ago. It’s time for a change. My body knows it. Now my head knows it.

I’m going for the most immediate thing that I can do that is both tolerable and provides me with an income. That is selling shit on eBay.

Today’s quota: list 10 items! I think I will surpass that today. I’m ready to list! LET’S GO, BOYS! Everything in this pile behind me is shit I’m detaching myself from. I’m prepared! I’m ready to let go of shit that just sits there.

Martin from Wintergatan recommended a book which helped him declutter his physical spaces, and his mind. I want that book.

I don’t know why I bother with amazon affiliate links or adsense or anything. $0 is what I have made from this blog from either service. I did make money with adsense between 2007-2012 when I ran That was a time before adblock.

Don’t get me wrong, I like adblockers. Ads are stupid. Ads on TV are the reason I was so ready to make the switch to the internet. Ads are the reason I cancelled my Hulu subscription.

I do like being supported for providing value, though. Ads are one way towards that desire. I think there are better ways now, like Patreon or Liberapay or SubscribeStar or whatever whatevs, there are TONS of services like that now.

Brave and cryptocurrency micropayments based on attention spent on various sites! That’s a nice idea. That’s a nice monetization model that I would like to see more of. I think there is still room for some breakthrough in how easy it is to put money into one’s web browser though. And incentive. Why the fuck browse at monetary cost when you can browse at no cost?

Yeah.. Incentive. I guess Patreon kind of defies the type of incentive I’m thinking of. Some people just love channels so much that they subscribe and spend money on that channel every month. Some people do it for the rewards. The added interaction with the creator, merchandise, etcetera.

What the fuck? Etcetera isn’t a known word in Firefox. Firefox thinks etcetera is either tetrameter, racketeer, or terrace, only misspelled.

Maybe Mozilla only puts the top n most common words in their dictionary.

I have been making quite a few sales on eBay lately which are losing me money. $10 shipping for a $4 item with free shipping. I am quite frustrated(6) and angry(7) when these situations happen. On bonanza when this happened, I would cancel the order and tell the customer exactly what has occurred. Two out of two times I did this, the customer understood, and was prepared to spend more so they could cover the cost of shipping.

On eBay, it’s different.

I think if I cancelled an order because I didn’t charge enough to cover my expenses, I would get instant negative feedback. Negative feedback for a small eBay seller is a killer!

I had to restart my eBay account a few years back, because eBay’s website technology is shitty shit poo poo. Through their broken 2FA, I was permanently locked out of my account.

So I just made a new account and started over. It’s a shame because my original account had near flawless feedback.

Water under the bridge. My newer account has flawless feedback right now. If any problems arise, It’s my policy to do whatever it takes to make the customer happy. If that takes a full or partial refund, I do that. I will take a monetary loss to keep that feedback 100% positive.

Good feedback is what it takes to play the eBay game!

I’m hungry. Now is a perfect opportunity to down some mushrooms! Just kidding. Or am I? I was thinking of tripping mid-day, because that’s when I get hungry. I gotta work though. Maybe tomorrow evening or Sunday is a better time. I want to trip balls and take a lesson from what Dennis McKenna calls, “the plant teachers.”

I just wanna go into it with no expectations, and let the plant teachers tell me a story. I want to be as a student, humble and excited to learn.

I’m also a little nervous(5) about it. I bought 3 vials of liquid mushrooms this time. Last time I took 2 vials and I tripped pretty good, but I got scared and bailed out of the opportunity for what felt like astral projection. The feeling of leaving my body, fully immersing myself in this unseen, normally inaccessible world. It felt like to jump in was to die. I only got a glimpse, as I stood up and passed through a barrier into this astral world. I stood up into this barrier and almost my whole body was inside it, up to the point where my knees were still in the world we all know.

Then I got frightened(9) by what I felt, and I reeled back into my physical body.

I bought 3 vials this time because I want no choice but to leave my body. I want to be coaxed so powerfully by the gentle little people that it is easier to let go and jump in rather than stay in my physical body.

I felt that place for a moment. It was awesome and inspiring and mystical and attractive. A place of wild shapes and curious constructs. A place where my true form manifests and I feel free and alive.

I almost said peaceful. It might be peaceful once I get there and chill out. It’s incredibly scary because it’s so far detached from the world I know. It’s this vast, abstract expanse of… Data?

I don’t know. I’ll find out soon enough. I’m going there. I’m going to see first hand what it’s all about. I’m going to feel that feeling of connectedness with a universal conscious that I felt once before. I’m going to see if what Joe Rogan talks about becomes any clearer.

If I want to do it tonight, I should probably continue fasting. It’s 2:54PM right now, that’s eating time. I don’t feel like eating. I feel like listing shit on eBay. Or doing mushrooms.

2:56 PM now. I feel more like eating. The more I think about taking mushrooms, the more I feel scared to take mushrooms.

Mental state is very important when taking mushrooms. A good trip depends on a good mental state.

That’s it for now. I’m grateful for e-commerce which enables me to work in my underwear and listen to JRE. I’m grateful for Todo lists which keep me on track. I’m grateful for feet and a functioning muscular which enable me walk.

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