Fri Jul 17 2020

I’ve got a big thicc face hair that’s bothering the crap outta me. I get a clean shave and there’s still this big black dot on my face. The hair is too short to grab with tweezers, so I think I’m going to let my facial hair grow out for a few days until it gets long enough and I can grab it and yank it out of my face.

I can’t accept this big ol’ thicc hair on my face when it’s the only one like that in the whole region. Facial moles are another thing which I think are unacceptable. I know a guy who has a big one on his face but he hasn’t done a thing about it.

I can’t do that. If a mole appears on my face, I’ll be making an appointment at a dermatologist, STAT.

I’m thankful that I don’t have any moles on my face.

A mole isn’t just some imperfection, it’s a fucking cyst-like GROWTH. Why have such a fucking thing on display on the thing that your people interact with?

Do you want a mole, or do you not want a mole?

When I present the question that way, isn’t the obvious choice to not have a mole?

Injection, scalpel, plastic surgery, whatever it takes, I’m putting unexpected growths in their place– back in the earth.

I’m so grossed out right now. I’m feeling tired and vulnerable and all I can think about is big nasty bulbous bulges on people’s faces. Imagine it growing at 1000X the normal speed it grows. Imagine you’re talking to someone and a mole starts to form and extend away from their face like a snake. Are you okay with that? No? But you’re okay with it’s growth if it’s only at 1X speed?

That’s the kind of shit that I want to say to people who have big moles on their face.

My mom texted me, asking how I’m doing. I don’t want to have a text conversation, mom! That’s what I want to say. But I have to say something otherwise I’ll probably get another knock on my door when I’m taking a nap.

Eh I’m so physically vulnerable right now. I’m being short with everything I think about. I wanna take a nap!

I have the doorhandle sign which will likely prevent people from knocking while I sleep. I don’t need to worry about that anymore, I think people will respect the fact that I’m sleeping. I think they always would have, and they wouldn’t have knocked if they had known I was asleep. It was so common though. Daily sleep interruptions 4 days in a row. It was really frustrating.

Big news today. ESA got their first pictures back from their solar orbiter.

Ohh I know why I’m tired. Firstly, I ate breakfast. Secondly, I fapped first thing after waking up.

Fucking fapping. I messed with my head. I didn’t want to do jack shit after that. It took all my concentration to get my mind on the task of taking care of my eBay shipments for the day.

Then I walked 3.3 miles.

Then I ate an apple and peanut butter.

And now I crash.

Nap time!

2:56 PM. Nap complete! A really good one. Had dreams and now I feel rested.

So is the day time my little secret sleep time? My main sleep phase, perhaps? It seems like that’s the case. I fell asleep near effortlessly during the day, whereas last night I think I laid in bed for an hour before I finally fell asleep.

Did I mention that eBay extended their 50,000 free insertions indefinitely? I must have missed the announcement e-mail. I wonder if I could have saved myself from removing 2992 listings had I paid closer attention to the announcements. I wonder if I’d be at a better place financially this month if I had kept up-to-date on the eBay news.

Oh well. I can’t go back. There are no mulligans in life!

Moving forward.

I’ll do some CoDA stuff.

CoDA 30q #13d Read the section on page 99 “Do I Have to Believe in God to Recover?”

I read it. So the idea is that it would be wise for me to entertain the idea that there is something out there that can do for me what I cannot do for myself. That passage used my CoDA “home group” as a suggestion for a higher power. That’s pretty interesting! When I first went to CoDA I was thinking I would be sneaky and think my higher power as the group without telling anyone.

I thought it would be cheating to choose the group as a higher power, but I guess that I was wrong!

Anyway, the higher power I have chosen isn’t the CoDA group. I chose the “one mind” concept as my higher power. It goes along with the idea that the total number of minds in the universe is one. That all of us humans and living things are just an extension of the one mind.

The one mind fits into my world view and my experience with psychedelics.

I don’t wanna get into it. I wanna get to work and make money.

I’m thinking of trying to list some items on Facebook marketplace. I hear that’s the hot new place to sell items online. I think I might have some luck selling booster packs there, the only issue I have is that Facebook doesn’t take kindly to monikers. At least they didn’t. I don’t know if it’s still that way, but I’d rather not have my real name so out in the open on Facebook.

I’d rather not have an account at all on Facebook, but I gotta go where the money’s at so I can stay afloat in business.

I’ll be honest. It comes down to friends and family. I don’t want to use my real name because my family will know that I have a facebook account again. They’ll be able to “follow” me or whatever it is that you do on Facebook. They’ll start sending me PMs and initiating conversations which would be better had on the phone or in person.

I don’t want to pick up my bad habit of trying to form or hold relationships via text. Text is such a bullshit method of communication. More and more I’m distrusting text as a medium for conversation.

When I text, I feel disconnected and alone. I’m not with the person I’m texting, I’m just reading their words and interpreting their meaning. I’m completely disconnected from the other person’s intent, and I end up filling in the blanks with my own ideas and insecurities.

Then there’s the issue of time. A conversation can take weeks on text, when it would have taken minutes if we were communicating verbally. Try having a heavy conversation via text and feel what it’s like to be constantly reminded of negativity every time someone gets around to adding their next reply.

I am of the opinion that text is for coordinating meetings where we can actually talk and see each other.

I gotta poop.

Poop complete.

I don’t got anything else to talk about. I dun’t goat anytheeng elz tu taulk’bout.

Guns. Les talk about guunz.

Last weekend was pretty fun. I enjoyed that a lot. I keep thinking about getting my own firearm to train with. I’m nowhere near able to afford the gun I want, but I started thinking that having a goal like, “get a gun” might actually help me get the money I need to make it happen.


It’s probably the excitement level that would help me get there. If I’m so excited to get outside and go shooting, then I’m going to find a way to make it happen.

SIG P320 XFIVE is what my brother B. has. It’s an incredible pistol. It’s the most accurate and comfortable firearm I’ve ever shot. I’d like to get one and shoot more regularly.

I probably talked about this a few days ago, but whatevs. I think I went almost a year without shooting. It was either Vegas, or the local indoor gun range where I shot last. Oh yeah, it was the local indoor range with my brother B. and one of his friends. We did the fun run, where the range clears a section of the shooting lanes to create a course which must be shot a certain way.

Shooters sign up, then take turns in there, completing the course in as little time as possible. Shooters are watched by the range master, who tallies their score and makes time additions for mistakes.

The scores are posted at the gun shop so shooters can compare their results with the community and get street cred for their skills.

It’s an expensive hobby, I hear. Right now, ammo is at an all-time high which makes it even more expensive.

On my income, there’s no way.

Let me rephrase, because I think highly of “willing things to happen.”

It will be a short while until my income will allow me to take part.

There, that’s better.

Ok then, I’m going to work on my eBay store now. Also I’m going to look into Facebook marketplace. Perhaps I will list a few items there to see if I get any interest from the community.

I’m getting a little excited now. What if FB marketplace is the place to sell for me? It will be interesting to see how it goes, and I wanna jump in right now!

I want to hit my word count today. 2000 words, bay-bee!

NaNoWriMo is going to be here before I know it. I want 1666 words to be not a big deal when that time comes around.

I think it’ll be a challenge, as always. Creative writing isn’t nearly the same thing as just writing whatever is on my mind. It would be closer to the CoDA work I do which is usually grueling to get started with. I can get into a flow with CoDA work though, once I ease into it. Creative writing is the same way.

My brother D. i s thinking about doing NaNoWriMo too. I think we could motivate each other if we’re both on the track to write a novel in November.

Another thing I’m really excited for is LudumDare. The next one comes up in October, and I’m definitely doing it. I want to do a FPS which I think I talked about…

Holy shit, I might not have talked about it. I wrote about it on a notepad, but I don’t think I wrote about it in my blog. Ok then, I guess now is the time to do that!

Gettin’ out my notes here.

Magic Casting FPS

The idea is to create a first person shooter called, “First Person Sorcerer” or “First Person eSper.” That way, the abbreviation FPS fits the title, as well as the genre; A clever name.

The idea is to create a magic casting FPS which uses speech-to-text as the way to cast spells. I got this idea from the book, “pulling profits out of a hat” which has nothing to do with video games.

Anyway, the idea is that spells are simply words arranged in a certain order. Just like, “open sesame” or “abracadabra” There’s nothing magical about the individual words or sounds. What creates the magic is how the words are ordered and uttered.

A player attempts to cast a spell by holding down the incantation button and speaking into their microphone. A speech-to-text engine interprets their words.

If a player’s incantation matches the correct order of a spell in the game, their spell is conjured and the spell’s action and animation are processed.

All speech uttered when holding the incantation button is heard by all other players in the immediate area.

The spells vary by game. No two matches will have the same spells or the same incantations. This keeps things interesting and keeps players from simply remembering last matches incantations or reading them from a wiki.

At the start of each round, no player is able to cast a spell, because no incantations are known. Incantations are found on the map in scrolls which are scattered randomly around the map.

Incantations can spread between players either by physically sharing the scroll, or verbally teaching the incantation. Care must be taken to not cast a dangerous spell when teaching it to teammates.

For example, if a fireball spell is, “euclid spectre adjacent fragment,” a teammate cannot say, “hey buddy, fireball spell is euclid spectre adjacent fragment” because that would instantly cast a fireball.

I suppose they could say the spell, as long as they are looking in a safe direction. The alternative is to pad the incantation with inert words such as the following.

euclid tock spectre tock adjacent tock fragment

I just randomly came up with, “tock” because it sounds like something a wizard might say. Military types might say, “A4 tac 5 tac 3” to verbosely convey, “A4-5-3” and “tock” is more like a clock.

euclid tick spectre tock adjacent tick fragment tock

Gettin’ fancy now

I’m sure the community could come up with more interesting and efficient ways to pad text and safely communicate spells to their teammates.

euclid spectre adjacent ABRACADABRA fragment

More ideas pop up all the time!

As you might expect, spell incantations will spread simply by eavesdropping. At the start of each match, spells would be nonexistent. As time goes on, they become rare. At the end of the match, everybody has a huge arsenal of spells.


Team 1Team 2
Team NamesScienceMagic
Also Known AsEspersWizards
Science vs. Magic

Tech Stack

Unreal Engine. We could find a FPS template and modify the crap outta it.

Game name ideas

  • First Person eSper
  • First Person Speller
  • First Person Sorcerer


  • Chris – match code and speech to text spell incantation code
  • David – Spells & combat code
  • Michael – Art & spells FX
  • Mindsforge – Metaphysics and mysticism consultant


Science Metaphysics Blueprint

A metaphysics blueprint is the type of object which is found on the map. It would have a blue color and contain the ordered words which make up the incantation.

I could think of a whole bunch of nifty things about how spells are displayed. Maybe the spell name isn’t displayed unless a certain spell has been uttered which gives players the ability to see the spell’s name. (maybe it’s ciphered otherwise.) Eh, that might be too much of an annoyance.

Maybe the spell doesn’t have a name and you just have to try it out and see what it does. Or maybe it does have a name and the more complicated parts of the game occur elsewhere.

Science metaphics blueprints are

  • Most effective when used by espers (they do crits)
  • Have an emphasis on electricity, light, and gravity.

Magic Primordial Scroll

These are aged paper scrolls which roll up and are kept together with string. Maybe they have a wax stamp!

Magic Primordial Scrolls are

  • Most effective when used by wizards (crits)
  • Have an emphasis on earth, wind, fire, air (etc.)

Spell Types

  • Attack (projectile)
  • Defense (shield or buff)


Players can chain together two spell incantations for a combination effect. Depending on spell types, combos may do increased damage, nullify damage, or inflict damage on the caster.


Opposing players approach each other and utter incantations to cast spells. Players may wait to hear the spell being cast by their opponent before quickly uttering their own incantation to counter their opponent’s spell.

Nullifying combos can be used to feint an opposing player into casting an ineffective or self-destructive spell.


Respawns are just a spell. In other words, nobody respawns if a remaining player does not cast a respawn spell.

Respawn spells are team specific. For example, a science team respawn spell will respawn science team members. A magic team respawn spell will respawn magic team members. This can cause all sorts of problems for a team who’s respawn spell falls into enemy hands, because teh enemy could then summon their opponents directly into a waiting trap. (fireball AOE, perhaps?)

Inversely, a respawn spell could be used as the ultimate combo, with players summoning a mass army in an instant, which emerges and each deploys epic spells.

No players can respawn if the respawn spell for that round is never discovered. Teams can deny their enemies respawns by finding the opposing team’s respawn blueprint or scroll before they do, and taking measures against the other team learning the spell.

That’s it for today. Excelsior!

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