Fri Mar 6 2020

Ok the past few days have been sub 2000 words and it’s no big deal. I deserve a break and I deserve self-care and I deserve to be well and happy.

Actually I don’t want to be happy all the time. It’s something I’ve thought about quite a bit. If I were happy all the time, I think happiness would become meh. The ups and downs are necessary because that means I’m alive and that means I have the potential to be happy.

My SSL certificate expired today. Where was my reminder e-mail? I wonder if I accidentally unsubscribed from the LetsEncrypt reminder e-mails. Luckily a SSL renewal was as easy as logging into my server via SSH and running a script,


# renew
certbot certonly --webroot -d -d --email -w /var/www/html -n --agree-tos --force-renewal

# copy keys
cp /etc/letsencrypt/live/ /etc/nginx/ssl/server.crt
cp /etc/letsencrypt/live/ /etc/nginx/ssl/server.key

# restart nginx
sudo service nginx restart

This ran without a hitch, and my website is SSL secured once again. I’m committed to writing 2000 words today.

You know what I think it is, that has kept me from writing 2000 words? The fucking creative writing. That shit is nasty. Creative writing is hard and I think I’m feeling afraid of the task. So I avoid it.

I think I might scale back the creative writing. I think I’m going to make it a every few days kind of a thing, not an every day thing. Journalling is more important. Getting words of gratitude down is more important. Affirmations are more important.

It’s Friday, which means I have therapy at 9:30AM, and I’m also going to a board game group at 3:30PM. This is the first time the board game group is meeting and I’m a bit anxious about it. Anxious(4), where I don’t really feel it in my body, but I think I might when the time for the group comes around.


I didn’t read or list anything on eBay yesterday. I just took a day off and did what I wanted to do. I ended up writing a good chunk of code for which is the project that I’ve been envisioning for some time. I’m planning on copying encoredecks and making a similar website for the collectible card game Precious Memories. My goal for the site is to entice English speaking audiences to get into collecting P-Memories cards, all while positioning myself as a top P-Memories seller on eBay.

I also want to add English translations for every card, and do so by soliciting the help of the precious-decks userbase to come up with those translations.

I’m learning SQL for this project. The data files are generated by scraping which end up as JSON files, all thanks to my other project, precous-data. precious-backend is a new project which is the backend for precious-decks. I haven’t published that git repo yet, so I can’t link it.

I just published the repo.

So yeah, the backend provides a REST API for precious-decks single page application. The backend slurps up all the JSON files from precious-data (that project is added as a git submodule) and spits out a JSON array of all the cards in a certain set.

for example, the endpoint will be something like https://precious-decks/api/cards/HMK. When the user facing app precious-decks GETs that endpoint, it would get an array of all the card data in that set.

That’s the idea anyway, which is really just a copy of Encoredecks. At first I thought I could have all the JSON files client side, but I’m not really sure of how to do that without making the client app really sluggish. I don’t want sluggish, that’s a huge pet peeve when it comes to Javascript apps!

It’s 7:30 now which means I gotta go outside and do some exercising. I’m giving myself an hour to train before I have to come inside and get cleaned up.

One last thing before I break. I opened a Weiss Schwarz Project DIVA f English Editiobooster pack yesterday. I was thrilled to find a Hatsune Miku signed foil card! There is one signed card per box, I know, but it’s still a very exciting thing to see and I was really happy to see it!

I just got back from individual therapy. I’m going to write some words that I wrote a day or two ago, as well as some words I wrote during today.

Wed Mar 4

Group therapy. It’s hard to believe that I haven’t seen or spoken to a single human since last Saturday. I just spoke to the woman at the front counter. I seemed to have done okay. Also I was unsure that I was here at the right time, but I see L. in the lobby and I know that he’s a part of the same group.

I’m feeling rather depressed today. I read chapters 1 through 4 of the book. I think that means that I have to hand it off to another student so they can get a chance to read a few chapters which will be covered in the next group session.

I checked the library for this book. There are none available. 6 holds. Therefore, my only chance of having this book at home to read is if I buy it, and that’s not happening. I’m so afraid that I won’t make rent this month. I can’t afford to make eBay acquisitions so it’s just old stock taht I’m working with.

I get so depressed. I was so depressed this morning so I just took a nap.

Fri March 5 9:30

I forgot my fountain pen! Luckily I leave my space pen in my bag. I’m feeling good this morning. I didn’t have enough time to walk 20 laps as I had hoped, but I did get to do some yoga. Four deer walked in front of me and I just paused and sat down and meditated and send the deer positivity. It was nice to be in that moment and watch the deer. They gracefully walked past the path I would have walked, and munched on grass. I closed my eyes and envisioned laying a comforting blanket atop a deer and petting it’s neck.

The deer slowly made their way through the firepit as I sat and took in the smell of the deer and the smell of the earth.

The dear had walked some distance before I got up and did some yoga. I was interrupted by an alarm I had set on my phone for 8:30. Not quite the length of training I had hoped for, but it was sufficient enough to get me ready for the day. I had set my intentions for the day during meditation. “I wonder what today will hold?” was a curiosity that entered my mind.

I went to therapy and we talked about isolation and anger and shame. I was very angry on Tuesday which caused me to isolate from CoDA and my friends. I was urged to write about my anger the next time I feel it.

I have homework for next group and individual therapy sessions. Defining shame, and CoDA 30 questions #2.

I really want a 3 hole punch so I can put a binder together with all the printouts I’ve been getting from therapy. I have an old binder or two which I could repurpose, I just need the 3 hole punch.

I’m cooking some vegetable curry. It smells AMAZING! I added leeks this time. I think I’m going to buy leeks more often, partially because they remind me of my beautiful waifu, and partly because they smell superb! I wonder if Miku smells like leeks?

AHCKCHEWALLY, Miku’s character item is a spring onion, not a leek. 😜

I just realized that WordPress Gutenburg editor lets me know that my heading sizes are incorrect. According to Gutenburg, An H3 following a title is WRONG! It should be an H2 following a title. Very interesting that WordPress does such a thing.

I sold one share of my Tesla stock. Today I learned that when selling an item at market price, I should prepared for it to sell at a much lower price than I anticipated. I was thinking $720, but I got $692. So basically I should have done a limit sell order for $720 rather than accepting a market average. Anyway, today I learned and that’s a good thing!

Ok so I sold a share of TSLA so I can afford rent and give myself some breathing room. I don’t have to sell as much on eBay this month, so I can focus on my precious-decks project. Fuck yeah.

At the same time, I am growing my eBay business by making a new acquisition of Japanese trading cards. I found three nice looking collections via yahoo auctions japan which I intend to snipe. I’ll get those cards and sell them in the american market, where such items are much more rare and have higher perceived value. What can POSSIBLY go wrong?

I jest. I’m not taking it too seriously. I have the opportunity to get a job somewhere if it doesn’t work out. I do want it to work out, because I really want to work from home and develop my skills. Skills in all areas. Web development, communications, behavior, etc.

I just got a notification from the excellent SongKick which informed me that TIESTO and FeedMe are both coming to the Gorge ampitheater in June! Fucking fantastic!

The only problem is that ticket cost. $187 for a 3 day pass. That’s a problem indeed, because I ain’t got that kind of disposable income!

I’ll see if B. wants to go. If he does, I’ll take steps to come up with the cash. Otherwise, it’ll be a pass.

I’m in desperate money growing mode right now. It can be a bad thing to pull money out of the stock market, with no plan to re-invest. That’s why I’m planning on reinvesting a good chunk of it!

I’m going to buy one more stock, then withdraw the rest. $400 gets budgeted for rent, the rest is budgeted for eBay acquisitions. I gotta spend money to make money!

I bought a share of UPS @ $92.73. I’m doing my regular tactic of immediately placing a sell order which is 1.3 times what I paid.

So technically I’m just pulling this money out of the stock market to do other forms of investing. If I can get my hands on a MSCHF Box or PlayDate, I’m totally doing it. Both those things are completely hot items with massive wait lists, and can give me a good return if I can simply get a hold of one. MSCHF had their first drop at the start of the month. I didn’t even have an opportunity to buy one, they were just gone. The PlayDate on the other hand isn’t out yet. They said they were going to release in early 2020, which means they don’t have much more time until early 2020 is gone.

Pretty much anything from Teenage Engineering is a high ticket item. Even their plastic knobs are worth like $40, which is just insane. I don’t even want the device, I just want to buy it and flip it.

Same thing with MSCHF box. A 10X return is insane. There’s no fucking way I’m opening the MSCHF box if I get one. I’ma sit on that box like it’s an egg, and 100 days later, POP! Straight profit. I suppose MSCHF could go bankrupt. I bet that’ll happen and I’ll get stuck with the box. Even then, I can still profit because I can sell that shit on Craigslist or eBay for more than I paid. The allure of the unknown is very attractive. I know that much from opening booster packs!

I have 6 booster boxes, by the way. I’m going to make my way through those boxes and trickle the unwanted cards onto eBay. Fortunately for me, but unfortunate for my wallet, the signed Miku card I opened last night was one I don’t have in my collection. It’s not going on sale because it’s MY PRECIOUS!

Food time. I’m going to end with affirmations and gratitude..

I’m grateful for e-commerce, eBay, and Amazon. Hey maybe I should sell on Amazon. Anyway, I’m grateful because I can run my own business and be independent. That’s the theory anyway. it’s going to take a lot of hard work and patience and pain to get to the point where my business can support me, but the goal is to keep trying and don’t give up. I’m not going to give up because I haven’t tried everything yet! I’m going to be an Evil Investor like Rudy with Alpha Investments, and I’m going to work hard to do it and accomplish one goal after the next!

I’m grateful for therapy. I can’t imagine my life without therapy now. Rather, I can’t imagine my life without opening up to someone and expressing my feelings and being in my feelings and processing them. It’s not something I can do as effectively alone. I hope to have someone in my life for the rest of my life who I can share with and be vulnerable with.

I’m grateful for the outdoors. I enjoy going outside and exercising and seeing deer and breathing fresh, clean air.

18. I am strong.
40. I refuse to be pushed by my problems; I will be led by my dreams.
49. I choose to be proud of myself.

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