Fri May 22 2020

coffee, cafe, coffee powder

No sales this morning. I bet it’s because I haven’t been listing new product. I bet it’s because it’s memorial day weekend. I bet it’s because people are out of money. I bet it’s because the economy is crashing.

I did account reconciliation in YNAB and now I see that my net worth is at an all-time low.

Well, fuck.

I’m trying to not let it bother me. I’m going to get through this. I’m going to make this shit work out one way or another.

If I can’t have the job of my dreams, I’ll just change my dream and try again. Maybe it’s an economics problem. Maybe my eBay store will make a comeback once the pandemic is over. I just gotta hang in there, continue to work hard and continue to make progress toward my goals.

I’ve been working hard lately. I’m building a sweet website. I’m writing 2000+ words in my journal every morning. I’m consistently studying Japanese and learning new words and sentence structure. I’m holding a sleep schedule and consistently dispatching shipments on-time to my customers.

I’m taking a moment to recognize my success in exercising discipline and forming good habits. I have made great strides in this area and I am very pleased with that.

I’m falling a little short on my goal of having eBay be my full-time job. I haven’t been listing as much as I need to be to get an edge in eBay favoritism. I’m not spending enough time on eBay every day. So much time goes into journalling and Japanese study. I get sleepy and my productivity takes a dive.

I think I should spend 4 hours every day on eBay. It could be making price adjustments, adding new listings, taking photos, sorting products, whatever. Anything at all, as long as I’m doing something to further my status as an eBay seller.

I think this is a goal I would like to set for myself. 4 hours every day on eBay. I will track this using a paper calendar I have in my apartment. I will put a number on each day which shows the number of hours I spent working specifically on my shop.

Oh yeah, Amazon and other marketplaces count towards the daily hours goal.

Today I feel tired. I woke up and wanted to go right back to sleep. I took the trash out, but I’m not going to walk this morning. Maybe I’ll walk later on. Right now, I want to take it easy and try to recover.

Yesterday I walked 10 laps in the morning. In the afternoon, ran 10 laps. I was planning on taking it easy yesterday, but I felt the need to get outside again and move my body.

I wonder if this is how most people over the age of 30 feel? Tired all the time? It seems like I felt less tired when I was completely sedentary. I was often depressed, but I was rarely tired and stiff like I fell now that I’m more physically active.

Maybe this is why so many people prefer coffee.

I’m cooking some rice. I’m gonna have leftovers from last night’s dinner with the fresh rice.

The curry I made last night turned out really nice. I was afraid that I had spoiled the flavor with the vanilla almond creamer I added, but luckily all the other spices balanced out the flavor pretty well. It was a joy to eat potatos and carrots after not having them for so long!

I’m going to have to make another trip to the grocery store pretty soon. I keep buying these organic russet potatos, and I’m starting to regret doing so. They’re so small, and only 8 come in a bag. That’s only enough potatos for two batches of curry. That’s not enough!

It’s the same deal with the carrots I’ve been buying. 8 large carrots which is enough for two batches of curry. Not enough!

Next time, I’m going to find bigger bags of produce. Maybe I’ll hand pick the large potatos that I see at Albertson’s. Maybe I’ll make a trip specifically for these two much needed ingredients.

I need more tomato sauce as well. I bought a big can last time, which should last me 3 more batches of curry.

I’m almost out of garbanzo beans as well. Only got about a cup of dried beans left.

I’m not sure what benefit I’m getting out of inventorying all my ingredients. It’s not like I’m going to look back at this post in the future and take note of such things. I suppose food is an easy thing to write about.

Maybe I will look back on this post in the future and get something out of it! Maybe my past grocery shopping habits will be a valuable research data point!

IDK. What’s important is that I write. It’s important that I write with honest intent, and without censoring myself at all. The blog posts when I pour out my soul are the ones I appreciate the most.

I benefit the most from blog posts where I pour out my soul. It’s those posts that help me figure out what I’m subconsciously feeling and work through those feelings.

If it’s human it is mention-able. If it’s mention-able we can talk about it and get through it.

Tom Hanks (Mr. Rogers)

I’m probably misquoting that, but I think the essence is there.

I had a dream where I got a job as a bus driver and my company decided to switch to using your house as their HQ. So you modified your house to accommodate all the workers while they were on break. Your upstairs was the break room and you put labels on the walls directing people to the bathrooms. The women’s restroom was upstairs but the men’s bathroom was downstairs.

E. transformed the downstairs into a well stocked convenience store full of items from amazon. The shop was complete with a cash register where the employees could waste I mean spend all their money on stuff they didn’t need.

I finally found the men’s bathroom and I had to poop so I looked for the door. There was a large fishtank as high as the ceiling in a narrow passage and I figured the door must be there. So I grabbed a hinged part of the fishtank and it closed off the narrow passage but now all the water was exposed and the fishies could escape. And it was glass so it’s not private at all.

So I closed the hinged glass but a large fish got in the way. I pushed the fish back into the water (which was unrealistically not all pouring out) and tried to close it again. Another fish got in the way and got their fin stuck in the glass door and a little blood came out. So I opened the door and pushed the fish back into the water then closed the door. It was a little leaky because I couldn’t get it closed properly.

You came downstairs and I complained that the bathroom was too hard to find and the labels on the wall weren’t clear enough. I also complained that the fish tank wouldn’t close and you went to try and fix it. I was like noooo do it later I have to pooooooooooooooooooooop 💩💩💩

That’s a message I wrote to my sister K. this morning. The dream is one I had this morning and I thought it was funny.

Time to ✨Psychoanalyze!✨

Eh, I don’t feel like it.

The bus driver thing is because I’m afraid that I’ll have to get a PT job. IDK why I dreamt about it being at my sister’s house. Maybe because I miss her.

I dreamt about E. transforming his basement into a convenience store because that’s what E. would do if his house was being taken over by a business. He would find a way to make it worth his time by monetizing the shit outta the situation. He’s got entrepreneurial spirit like that.

The bathroom door thing was maybe my brain’s way of making sure I didn’t shit myself while I slept. I actually had to poop when I woke up, and my mind is simply being responsible while coping with the sensation of having to poo.

The fish tank reminds me of my mom’s fish tank. I dunno if there’s anything to be analyzed there. Most of the dream just seems like a meaningless distraction.

The labels on the wall and my complaint to my sister is something I feel strongly about. Organization and ease of use are things that make or brake experiences such as user interfaces in websites. I’ve been thinking a lot about user experiences as I create a website for converting mp3s into a cassette tape.

But yeah, I imagined my sister’s home because my sister K. is comforting and supportive of me. I feel lonely at present and this was a natural way for my mind to deal with those feelings of loneliness.

I didn’t feel like psychoanalyzing, but I did it anyway. It seems like it would be harder to ignore it, and I’d be psychoanalyzing it in my head anyway, so I might as well put it down on paper.

Digital paper.

I want an econotank printer. I want to print out custom business cards and promotional flyers which I would send to my eBay customers. I want to print custom birthday cards. I want to print… Stuff that I can monetize? Not really sure what I could do which would accomplish that, but there’s gotta be some niche out there I could fill.

It’s definitely a niche to convert MP3s to Cassette taps. The other day I was shopping around on eBay for bulk lots of cassette tapes. It’s something I would need to acquire if I am to bring this project to fruition. I gotta have media on which to record and ship to the customer!

I’m thinking I could do a Kickstarter if or when I get the website completed. The Kickstarter would give me the funds I need to purchase a tape deck and cassette tapes. All the other shipping supplies I would need, I already have thanks to my eBay store. I could offer a number of mp3 conversions as perks to the backers of the project.

Yep, that would be pretty cool!

It would be a good kick start to the business of recording cassette tapes. Good advertising. Gimmicky. Useful. Lots of eyes.

Another place I was thinking of advertising would be cassette tape forums. If there is such a thing? There’s probably a thing. Or maybe it’s Reddit nowadays. Anyway, there’s gotta be people every here and there who would love to have a cassette tape featuring something of their own creation.

I mean, anybody could simply record their own cassette tape with a tape deck and an AUX cable. I’m not offering anything unique, I’m just offering convenience and a fun website.

I’m feeling anxious about not having any money left to pay rent. I’m not there yet, but if the trend of me losing money continues, I’ll be there soon.

Patience is what I need right now. I need patience and hope. I know this pandemic lockdown madness is winding down right now. There is a multi-phase plan right now to restore social activities. In a month or two, I’ll be back at Dragon’s Parlor Games every Saturday where I can play board games with friends.

Maybe my eBay sales will pick up, and I’ll be able to afford rent next month. Maybe it won’t, and I’ll have to get a PT job or sell my web design services.

It’ll work out, and it’ll be okay. With a little patience, everything will work out.

52. I choose to be brave and tell others if I need support.
53. I have the power to control my reactions to the challenges I will face.
54. I am becoming healthier each and every day.

I’m grateful for my friends M. and S. I’m grateful that I get to play games with them, and I’m grateful that they are who they are. I’m grateful to know them and be a part of their lives.

I’m grateful for my sister K., who will probably laugh at the dream and the poop jokes. I’m grateful for her humor and her positivity.

I’m grateful for newsletters. I’m subscribed to the Spokane Buddhist Temple newsletter, which is how I discovered the above video about patience. There’s a lot of interesting stories about the sangha members and how they’ve been dealing with the COVID-19 lockdowns, words of hope and inspiration.

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