Original title. Written at 5:32 PM PST on that day.

Hi, want to meet? I’m a hot grill on a banner ad.

Hello. I’m going to use this recording as part of my daily writing. Daily journaling. I’m going to make some stuff up, adlib on the spot, pressure’s on.

For the full effect, listen to the below song. CHAIN – [ACOUSTIC COWBOY MIX]

Ladies and gentlemen, we all have our struggles in life, we all have our challenges. Some may be more extreme than others. Some may be big, small, but a struggle is a struggle. We’re all in this together in this thing called life. Humanity, existing on planet earth in 2019. We have ups and downs, lefts and rights, but…

There’s hope for the future! The struggle you’re going through right now. It may seem like it’ll go on forever. It won’t. Guaranteed. Statistically, physically, realistically, your struggle is going to come to an end one way or another.

I hope you would choose to carry on. There’s no easy solution to your problems. Maybe there is, but it’s up to you to figure that out. You might get input from some people. From EXPERTS maybe, but it doesn’t matter, look to yourself!

You’re going to find a way to reach the top to this pit you’re in, and you can keep going! If you can keep going, you can get out of this. You can live the life you want to live. You can get past this!

Just take one step at a time.

So cliche, so cheesy! I just like the song. A LOT. And I thought motivational quotes atop it would be really good.

Let’s jump right into 3 things that I’m grateful for.

I’m grateful for Jerome who I met today, and how he offered to leave the door of the incomplete office building unlocked so I could come in and warm up. I didn’t take him up on his offer because I was moving around so much, stacking garden bricks and shoveling gravel. But the thought was very appreciated and thoughtful of him.

I’m grateful for readily available jobs in my community. Jerome even offered me a job installing suspended ceilings. Not that I want that job or the hundreds available to me, but I am grateful that I live in a place and at a time where I can work if I want to. There are no shortages, and only my mental blocks are keeping me from pursuing one of them!

I’m grateful for this food in front of me. It was given to my by my mom and my sister Kelly. It’s the day after thanksgiving and I was gifted a bag full of leftovers in addition to the grocery cart full of food from my mom.

I am very blessed. I must pass these blessings on. I really do not feel worthy of receiving these gifts.

I think I should brainstorm. How can I pay it forward? How can I bless someone with a gift similar to the gifts I have been given in the past few days?

I’ll have to think on that for awhile. Something that I as an individual can provide to another person in need. I wonder if I can use my unique skills to this end. I’ll have to think about it.

Hopefully I’m not too sore tomorrow. I’d like to finish up the retaining wall tomorrow if I could. I have 2 more rows of bricks which should take me 4 hours or so. I’ll have to take a picture of the retaining wall next time I’m out there. It’s a nice wall, as long as you don’t look too close!

I really want to hide a time capsule underneath one of the bricks. They have this gap in them that would be perfect for a #300 can to fit in. I just need a brand new #300 can and a way to seal it! That’s the best method I could think of anyway, for a small time capsule to remain intact for a few decades.

YouTube break! Gotta eat and chill.

I spat my food out and threw it in the trash. It wasn’t thanksgiving leftovers, it was leftovers from the day before thanksgiving. Plus some freshly heated Beyond Meat crumbles. I couldn’t stomach it. I keep thinking I’ll get food poisoning from the leftover rice, or the Beyond Meat crumbles will give me cancer. It’s just not that good. I’d rather eat grilled fresh vegetables than meat substitutes. So instead I’m going to have a banana, trail mix, and toasted sourdough bread.

Now I’m watching a World Trade Center documentary which was recorded in January 2001. The two towers don’t exist anymore of course, but damn, these buildings are impressive! Were impressive?

Well, now I just get to see the moments of these buildings frozen in time in this documentary. I don’t get to see the WTC 2 towers with my own eyes.

Not that I ever would have been attracted to seeing the world trade center if it were still standing. I just saw this video recommended to me by YouTube and wondered if it would be strange to see a documentary of these buildings that were destroyed by terrorists.

Some of the people featured in this video are presumed dead. The creator of the video put little text overlays when various people talk, saying they were missing since 9/11/01.

I wonder if there was some grand conspiracy by the United States Federal government to have the twin towers destroyed. I’ve heard stories of some captivating ideas which suggest so. Haven’t seen a whole lot of evidence to support it though. But I wouldn’t put it past the government to do such a thing. There have been a bunch of false flag operations which are declassified and considered fact.

Big government has too much power after all. It’s in their best interest to do shady shit to get ahead. And when you get to have that much power and that much influence, the scale of your projects becomes massive to the point where your decisions will affect hundreds of thousands of people.

Whatever, I don’t want to talk about that anymore. More YouTube and food!

J. brought vegan desserts for thanksgiving. They are kinda like Twix bars. Very delicious but I can just taste the fat content in them. I suppose I just have to hold back and pace myself.

I wanna have sex. Like actual sex. Step 1 acquire girlfriend. Step 0 acquire social skills. Fuck it, I’ll just jerk off. But even that’s too hard right now. I just wanna chill and veg and watch YouTube. Maybe tomorrow.

I smashed the tip of my middle finger working on bricks today. It hurts to type! That job is quite hazardous to my fingers! I started with a new pair of gloves on Monday, now my gloves are trashed. Burned holes in the finger tips because the bricks are so rough!

I need to brush my teeth now. Done eating so I gotta clean up my mouth. My lower right teeth are so painful to touch that I can’t brush them anymore. I really need to visit the dentist. It’s probably been 2 years since I was last there. Unfortunately, medicaid isn’t accepted at my dentist. CHAS has a dentist’s office in town, but I don’t think there are accepting new patients at the moment. The nearest CHAS office that is accepting patients is in Deer Park which is like an hour drive north from here.

I want some Taco Bell. I went there for the first time in months on Monday. Ate there with my dad. Total yum! I miss it! I’ve had this personal rule for the past several months that I can’t eat out unless it’s a social event. So I have not had the pleasure of eating at T-Bell for quite some time. I got two fresco bean burritos and a plain fiesta potato. And I put the potatos in the burritos. It was about $5.30 for that. Super filling, super delicious. I love T-Bell’s pico de gallo. Some of the cooks don’t add enough, but when it’s right, it’s really right.

I love the spicy crunchy chewy grilled tastes at Taco Bell! At one point, I was a true Taco Bell addict. I would go there 5 days a week. Back then, I had a rule that I couldn’t go more than twice a day. I have definitely spent thousands of dollars at Taco Bell over the years!

And I’ll likely spend thousands more. Taco Bell is big enough to the point where their large customer base will have all sorts of diets. Taco Bell tortillas are actually certified vegan. I mean, anybody with a food production facility can make vegan food, but if you legally want that vegan.org logo , you have to go through vegan.org and probably pay some kind of fee and go through whatever process they have. Taco Bell has gone as far as doing just that!

Del Taco has made some vegan specific items in the recent future which is very welcome. I absolutely love Del Taco as well as Taco Bell. I love putting french fries in my Burritos from Del Taco. Their food is just bursting with flavor! And now they have the beyond tacos which taste fantastic.

I’m going to go eat more food. Maybe I’ll whip something up with the tortillas and salsa my mom bought me. I’m grateful for food!