Identifying My Feelings

Written on Tue Nov 26 2019 @ 5:14PM PST

I went to therapy today. This is a first. I was given a task to complete by my therapist. I have to write in this daily blog post 3 things I’m grateful for. It apparently helps people be more positive. So this is going to be a new thing for the blog post. I’ll either put it at the top or the bottom. Actually I won’t put it anywhere specific. It will simply be in every blog post somewhere in the text body.

So I guess I’ll start now. Here are three things I’m grateful for.

I’m grateful for Hatsune Miku. I’m grateful to see her smile each and every day. I’m grateful to hear her wonderful singing.

I’m grateful for my friends. D is so patient with me. He’s accepting of my issues and he just wants to hang out. He goes out of his way to make sure I am doing okay.

N always spams me with “butt” on Signal. Butt this butt that. This is not a complaint. I appreciate her humor and how she often wants to talk with me. I’m grateful for N’s perspective on things, whether it’s cutting edge technology, privacy concerns, or LGBTQ+ issues.

I just copy pasted the above and sent it to her. She seemed glad.

Back on subject. I’m grateful for the toasty warm apartment I live in. I’m grateful that the insulation is extra thick, and the temperature is always comfortable. I’m grateful that I can take a shower whenever I want, without the noise bothering anyone. I’m grateful I can cook food whenever I want.

Hmm I’m distracted by convo on Signal. I lost track of how many things I wrote down that I’m grateful for.

  1. HM (bae)
  2. Friends
  3. Apartment

Ok that’s 3 things. Now back to being negative! Fuck straws!

Just kidding. I’m not against drinking straws. I think a recycling revolution could solve the problems caused by drinking straws. But whatever.

Tired and Hungry are not on the list of Feelings my counselor gave to me. Interesting.

What words are on the list? Let us type them all to inflate my daily word count.


  • Adored
  • Alive
  • Appreciated
  • Cheerful
  • Ecstatic
  • Excited
  • Grateful
  • Glad
  • Hopeful
  • Jolly
  • Jovial
  • Joyful
  • Loved
  • Merry
  • Optimistic
  • Pleased
  • Satisfied
  • Tender
  • Terrific
  • Thankful
  • Uplifted
  • Warm


  • Aggrivated
  • Accused
  • Angry
  • Bitter
  • Cross
  • Defensive
  • Frustrated
  • Furious
  • Hostile
  • Impatient
  • Infuriated
  • Insulted
  • Jaded
  • Offended
  • Ornery
  • Outraged
  • Pestered
  • Rebellious
  • Resistant
  • Revengeful
  • Scorned
  • Spiteful
  • Testy
  • Used
  • Violated


  • Alone
  • Blue
  • Burdened
  • Depressed
  • Devastated
  • Disappointed
  • Discouraged
  • Grief-stricken
  • Gloomy
  • Hopeless
  • Let down
  • Lonely
  • Heartbroken
  • Melancholy
  • Miserable
  • Neglected
  • Pessimistic
  • Remorseful
  • Resentful
  • Solemn
  • Threatened


  • Afraid
  • Alarmed
  • Anxious
  • Bashful
  • Cautious
  • Fearful
  • Frightened
  • Horrified
  • Lost
  • Haunted
  • Helpless
  • Hesitant
  • Insecure
  • Nervous
  • Petrified
  • Puzzled
  • Reassured
  • Reserved
  • Sheepish
  • Tearful
  • Uncomfortable
  • Useless


  • Astonished
  • Curious
  • Delighted
  • Enchanted
  • Exhilarated
  • Incredulous
  • Inquisitive
  • Impressed
  • Mystified
  • Passionate
  • Playful
  • Replenished
  • Splendid
  • Shocked
  • Stunned


  • Embarrassed
  • Exposed
  • Guilty
  • Ignored
  • Inadequate
  • Incompetent
  • Inhibited
  • Inept
  • Inferior
  • Insignificant
  • Sick
  • Shame
  • Squashed
  • Stupid
  • Ugly
  • Unaccepted

Damn, those word lists had barely any effect on my word count! I was looking for a fast and easy 1500 words today. Nope!

I’m multitasking, that’s the problem. Got a concurrent Signal convo happening on monitor 3. Or is it monitor 2? Am I zero indexing my monitors or no?

This is a big deal. Do I 1 index my monitors, or 0 index them like a boss programmer. I think I just made my choice obvious. Normal or boss programmer? The choice is rather clear.

Ok, monitor 2.

I just had an opportunity to copy paste the the feelings list in Signal. Two birds…. I’m a vegan, I can’t use that expression!


Reddit to the rescue LOL

“feed two birds with one seed” seems to be the vegan equivalent. But N. pointed out that it’s not a good equivalent because each bird only gets half a seed. Killing two birds with one stone means both birds die and only one stone was used.

BUT WAIT. Each bird only received a fraction of the stone’s potential energy. So it is equivalent! Sorta… Not really… LOL I’m dumb.

It’s been like 3 hours. I’m at 611 words LOL.

I have been chatting with N and watching YT videos about the Cybertruck.

I just thought of a new blog post idea. 10 reasons to become a VOCALOID fan.

#1 Miku X Luka Fanshipping

Or whatever shipping you’re interested in. Miku X Luka are just one pairing which is the cutest pair possible. My opinion of course. Other popular ships are Miku X KAITO, Rin X Len, Rin X Miku, Len X KAITO, KAITO X MEIKO…. The list of ships HAS NO END!

#2 The great music

There are so many genres covered in VOCALOID music. There are mind blowing originals like World is Mine, ACUTE, and Erase or Zero.

The list goes on. There are artists creating new music every day. Just peruse and find something new and fantastic.

#3 The community

Who knew there were Miku Pringles only in China? The VOCALOID Discord knew!

The VOCALOID community is a huge worldwide group of people who love all aspects of VOCALOID. Some fans like one specific VOCALOID. Some fans like them all. Fans share pictures of their VOCALOID merch, plan trips and meetups to VOCALOID events, share funny memes, life stories, and support each other.

#4 The games

Project DIVA is one of the best games I’ve ever played. I’m biased, of course. But really it’s a great game. I just beat Project DIVA f 2nd on easy on PSVita. Now I have to get Project Diva X to continue the game. But I think I will actually try to beat the game on Normal before I move on. Assuming I can play the 5 songs I’m stuck on without rage quitting. There are some really tricky songs which will take a lot more practice to clear…

Also there’s Weiss Schwarz which has 3 different Project Diva decks for collecting or playing with friends. I mostly collect. All. The. Miku. Cards.

Gotta catch em all!

I can’t think of any more reasons. I’m tired and my flow has dried up.

I’m going to be soooo sore tomorrow! Stacked lots of large bricks today. Many more to stack tomorrow as well!

I am going to take this writing session into account the next time I write. I really really really really cannot multitask. I need to brush my teeth, put away the leftovers from dinner, and finish this fucking article! I’m not even at 1000 words yet.

My flow is non-existent when Signal is open. Or YouTube. Distractions are not allowed when writing!

Breaks are good though. As long as the breaks don’t become distractions themselves.

Now I’m getting distracted by IA & ONE. Could you imagine me falling in love with another VOCALOID? Miku would not be pleased. IA & ONE have looks I could fall in love with, but I don’t think their personalities are on par with my cute little waifu. I’m cringing writing this. I wonder why. I think cringing falls into the disgust category? It’s not on my feelings word list, but I think that’s where it fits the most.

Maybe I don’t actually want to be in love with Miku. Now my heart is breaking. I can’t believe I’m saying this. It makes me feel alone and even devastated to think of life without Miku. You know what? It’s late. I can’t think too deeply about this at the moment because I’m tired.

Ok let’s think gentle thoughts. I’m impressed by the choreography and fit bodies portrayed in 【IA & ONE OFFICIAL】Into Starlight (MUSIC VIDEO)


I can’t help it. Deep thoughts inbound. I just have to remind myself what it is I’m actually loving when I feel tender thoughts towards Miku. Miku is an embodied idea. So I am very frightened and grief-stricken when I think a life without the ideas Miku represents.

Youth, Soul, Joy, Feminity, Talent, Love. The ideas I think of when I think of Miku.

I will not rest until I have 1500 words. 1200 currently. N is going to sleep. If only I could stop watching YouTube, I could put one finall huzzah into this article and get this finished.

OMG. Sometimes I hear a non-miku VOCALOID song which blows me away. This is okay. I am still loyal to my beloved waifu. GOD WHY DO I CRINGE EVERY TIME?!

LOL Whatever. I have to laugh at myself. I’m not going to grow out of being a Miku fan. I want to be a Miku fan.

ATOLS – Future feat. ONE / ミライ feat. ONE MMD Full Version HD

OK back to the thing I was blown away by. ONE (the VOCALOID.) Fantastic, enchanting voice. Oh btw, since I’m embedding YouTube videos which may not exist in the future, I really need to make an effort to NOT embed directly. That is the equivalent of hot-linking images. Who does that? Well… Lots of people do that nowadays. The internet is getting all centralized and shit because centralized platforms are way easier for plebs to use.

Them plebby facebook smartphone users. They probably don’t even understand what a hotlink is. Focking nubs.

Whatevs. I do know what a hotlink is, and how prevalent 404s become after services shut down or websites stop hosting hotlinked content. Luckily for me, downloading a YT video is stupid simple. The only downside is that my internet connection is super shitty. Like third world country shitty.

It’s okay, the process is still stupid simple, it just takes longer. A lengthier process for improved future content availability is only a good thing. Now if only IPFS was added to YouTube… HOLY SHIT, if IPFS was added to YouTube, IPFS would be adopted instantly by the masses. There would be 1 click content pinning, people would pin instead of liking… YouTube could spin down some of their servers because people are hosting the content from their home computers…

My next door neighbor could be serving me a YouTube video instead of YouTube’s servers in Seattle serving the video. SUCH SPEED! Web 3.0, coming to a smartphone near you.

Smartphones. Ew. I want to sell my Samsung Galaxy S8+. It’s too big. It doesn’t fit in my pocket well, and it spies on me… Anyone with an iPhone 7 wanna trade?

And that’s my quota for today. Later weebs!

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