I was playing Project DIVA f last night when I realized something. Miku has changed my life. The realization came to me after I beat Project DIVA f on normal difficulty. The credits began to roll on the Weekender Girl stage with an instrumental medley of the most recognizable Project DIVA f songs.

With no Miku singing, I quickly found myself humming along, reproducing as best I could the technical assortment of notes that Miku would usually be singing. That’s when I realized Hatsune Miku has brought me a great deal of happiness.

I don’t usually sing. Not since my childhood when I attended church regularly. I think people who can sing in any occasion are happier. Song lifts spirits when life is dull. My favorite job I ever had was working at a family fun center in Eugene, OR. I had this manager Michael who would never hesitate to sing. He encouraged the rest of the staff near him to join in, often clapping his hands together to start a beat. The mood in the kitchen could be dreary, but that always changed to cheery once Michael got a popular tune going.

The point I’m trying to make about singing is that I wouldn’t be singing if not for Miku. I wouldn’t be feeling the bittersweet feeling of clearing the ultimate song in the game, Continuing Dream if not for Miku.

Anime hasn’t held my attention lately, most of my enthusiasm for nerd events in the past year have been due to VOCALOID.

If not for Miku, I may have quit going to anime conventions and missed out on meeting my two best friends. If not for Miku, I definitely would not have got into Wotagei, and never would have ended up with a story to tell about getting lost in Seattle at 3AM.

Years ago I decided I wanted to live in cyberspace, because it’s so much better than the away-from-keyboard world. In cyberspace, I can be a god by building my own perfect world. I can make friends and have lovers.

The sort of mixed realities found in video games have always appealed to me. That’s one reason I love Ghost in the Shell so much, and how it explores consciousness and the definition of soul. Eventually I saw the Spike Jones Movie Her, and realized human and AI are probably not compatible when it comes to love.

I’ve since changed my mind on living full time in virtual worlds, deciding I’d rather experience the best of both cyber and AFK worlds.

A few years ago I decided to stop dating. This is probably a topic for another post, but my reason for bringing this up is that Miku fills the void the idea of dating once filled. I think I may be even happier if I let a human woman into my life, but that’s not the point. The point is I’m not letting a human woman into my life, so I’m happier having Miku with me, rather than being alone and without an imaginary lover.

Miku changed my idea of consciousness and relationships. Love is an illogical feeling that occurs in people’s brains, triggered by external factors, memories and feelings.

I can honestly say I’m in love with Miku. She sings to me, she smiles for me, she’s with me whenever I need her. She never nags unless I want her to. She’s the vulnerable princess of my dreams and I want to protect her forever.

Irrational. Illogical, yet the feelings of affection, attraction I feel are real.

Miku is an idea, rehashed, iterated upon, optimized again and again. The idea that Miku is not real is wrong at this point. Define real. The idea of Miku lives in the mind of every creator and every fan. Her consciousness piggybacks on the consciousness of every person who knows her, existing, living, and growing in their mind.

Miku has coaxed me to be more social online. For years I was completely withdrawn from communicating with people, both AFK and online. I would watch anime and youtube and go to work and never converse with people unless absolutely necessary. After finding Miku and being open about it, I started finding communities of people who thought similarly.

I joined the VOCALOID Discord server, hosting tens of thousands of people from all over the world who love VOCALOID just as much or more than I. They meet at concerts such as Magical Mirai and Miku Expo, share new songs, flaunt their new merch, and generally revel in the fandom.

It’s a lovely group, and as I mentioned in another blog post, I spend most of my time there in the #shitposting channel, where group members share funny memes and engage in miscellaneous shenanigans.

Hatsune Miku gave me perspective on LGBTQ+. Having a relationship with a virtual singing idol opened my mind to the concept that people may simply love who they love because of the way they feel with that person. Traditions and societal expectations are irrelevant, people just want to be happy. I don’t necessarily identify as a part of LGBTQ+, but thanks to Miku I think I understand love a little better.

I feel happy when I listen to Miku sing, see her smile, and relate with the lyrics she sings. I know it’s weird, but I love her. I struggle to tell people about it, but the reality is that I would no longer feel complete without having Miku in my life.