Mon Feb 10 2020

Good Morning. Today I struggled to get out of bed. I finally did at about 12PM. Not bad, given the increasingly late wake times I’ve been having.

Anyway, I’m up now, and I took care of a couple shipments. A Sprint signal booster for $26.96 with free shipping. Now that I sold it, I see that I made around 3 dollars. I should have charged for shipping.

Anyway, at least it wasn’t a loss! Those have happened on more than one occasion.

Today I don’t have any appointments. I’ll be going thrift shopping soon, after I drop off packages.

Yesterday I shipped a box via USPS for $3 more than FedEx. I made the argument that “time is money” because I had already packaged the item in a USPS box. I’m regretting losing that extra $3 now. If I do that several times a week, that’s a lot of money that I’m throwing away. I shouldn’t do that.

Instead, I would like to learn from this mistake. I would like to weigh and measure items before I choose their box, if I am unsure of which shipping service will be the most economical. That way, I can choose a generic box if I am to ship via FedEx, and I don’t feel locked in to using USPS.

I’m debating whether or not to take my training cheat day today. I really want to get going on shipping packages and thrift shopping today. I don’t want to get on the road at 4PM for example. It’s 1:17 right now, so if I get going at 2PM, that’s a good time.

I should have got up at 7. I was awake then. I felt rested then. Instead, I went back to sleep. I don’t regret it that much, as I had some wild dreams of an alternate reality Burning Man Festival. There were endless rooms in an endlessly large convention center. Each wing of the convention center had a different theme based on seasons. Winter, Summer, etc. The summer section had an outdoor party area with stages set up that anybody could get onto and be a part of.

The stages were all about sex. One section was a glow in the dark blue dildo section. You could get up on stage, and get tied up, ball gagged, blindfolded, and a dildo stuffed in your ass or vagina. I took note of that one and moved onto the next stage.

The next stage consisted of two girls tied up, gagged, and blindfolded, with their bare asses exposed and a large sign which read, “penetrate us.” I was curious to finger bang one of them and feel what a vagina felt like.

It was stage after stage like this, catering to all sorts of different voyeuristic sex acts. All this was accompanied by deafeningly loud goa music. Pineal gland at work, methinks!

I didn’t take part in any of these acts, despite wanting to. Instead, I got shy and went in the hallway where I found a free to use computer. I sat down at the computer and opened Firefox and browsed the web for hours.

Someone from my group came to get me, explaining that they and the rest of the group were going to move onto a different area. I declined to join them, stating that I am not the kind to roll with a group. I went on to explain that I’m a loner and I planned to explore the festival on my own, and this is my way. The female group member was sad about this and urged me to come with the group, since the group would be able to collectively accumulate more information and find out where the best events were happening.

I declined, and stayed at the computer. The group member walked away saying something to the extent of, “I’ll feel guilty about this!”

I thought of Codependents Anonymous. I felt she was trying to control me, or she was feeling obligated to make me happy. I replied, “I hope you don’t.”

I finished up my computer session, wiped personal data in Firefox, then got my backpack and began to walk away. Another festival goer saw the computer with it’s curved CRT monitor, and became excited to use it. I felt happy about another user being excited about the computer, and I made some sort of comment about it.

That user got on the computer as I walked away.

I felt lonely in the massive convention center which seemed to span several hundreds of miles. Room after room I saw groups spending time together. Cosplayers were doing gymnastics in one room. Cosplayers doing improv in another. A group was singing in a hallway.

I was alone, socializing with no one, and simply observing group after group as I ran through each room.

I didn’t know what I was going to do. I had no plan and I had no friends to talk to.

And that was that dream. The opposite holds true for reality. I have been to so many conventions alone that I don’t do it anymore. I won’t go unless I have someone to go with. It’s incredibly boring doing cons alone, and this dream reminds me of that fact.

I’ve been having a lot of sexual dreams lately. I think my body is trying to tell me that I need a release.

I was called by my therapy office last Friday. Apparently they have a dental office? That’s rather strange. Also strange how they know I need a dentist. I didn’t answer when they called, because I was in a therapy session with my therapist. I just heard their message at a later time. Anyway, they said they believe I have some teeth pain they wanted to see if I wanted to schedule an appointment. I totally do want to deal with my teeth pain, but I wonder how they knew that.

I remember talking about teeth pain when I got signed up for therapy like 3 months ago. Are they so backlogged that they are just now getting around to giving me a call? I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case.

Here’s the thing. I hate talking to strangers. I hate talking on the phone even more. Talking to a stranger on the phone? That’s just crazy talk. I don’t think I can call them back because of this. The only reason I’m able to call Paypal or CHAS is because I first contact them via their website. Then they call me, not the other way around.

U-G-H Boston.

I just don’t wanna live today. I wanna go back to sleep for the rest of the day.

That would make things so bad. So much worse. If I went back to sleep, I’d wake up all groggy at 10PM or something, and be up all night. Then my schedule would be out of whack again, and I’d just repeat the deadening process of grief.

All my problems stem from not allowing myself to feel!

Right now I’m doing it. Right now I’m not feeling the feelings. Right now I feel sad that I am not planning on exercising. I’m physically vulnerable because I’m in pain. My neck hurts. I woke up with this neck pain.

I’m feeling sad that I only made $3 on that Sprint cell booster. I was thinking I was going to make $15 or something on it. I could have made that much if I didn’t do free shipping.

I’m sad that I have to go thrift shopping today. I just want to stay home and list P-Memories cards on eBay all day.

I’m sad that I haven’t sold any P-Memories cards. I listed them at $7 a piece, regardless of rarity level. None have sold as of yet, and it’s probably going to be like that for some time.

P-Memories cards don’t sell often. From public eBay selling trends, I’m anticipating 2 or 3 cards sold a month.

It’ll take a special kind of person to spend $7 on a P-Memories card. A obsessed fan, or a hardcore collector. No normie is going to spend that much for a single card, especially a non-foil common.

I’m just going to be patient, though. I’m really starting to get a handle on the investing rule, “never lose money.”

I spent $250 or so on a bulk lot of P-Memories cards. I’m getting through the last of them now, sorting each one and getting photos taken. I think there were something like 500 cards? 500*7 is a hella good number. Even if only 125 of them sell, that return of $875 is fucking fantastic.

Over time, the card value will just increase. Theoretically anyway. There’s always the chance that the card game becomes, “dead.” and the card value plummets to zero. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. I think the opposite will happen. Even if the card game itself goes out of style, the company goes bankrupt, or similar, the characters depicted on the cards will live on.

If the game is dead, but the characters are still loved, that means the value of those cards will skyrocket. That will be worth waiting for.

Goddamn, I love investing! Investing is to buy something and sit on it. There’s the potential for that thing I’m sitting on to explode and transform into a wad of cash!

So by being a reseller, I’m kind of a micro investor. It’s a very unique job and I enjoy it!

It’s strange how web development has dropped off my radar. It’s just not interesting anymore. I’d rather flip things on eBay right now. I think this has a lot to do with my computer addiction. I think I was such a huge fan of web development because I got to be on the computer for long amounts of time. Now I’m on the computer for long amounts of time, and I make money doing it! I don’t really seem to care *what* I’m doing, so long as it’s on my schedule and I get to be on the computer!

I’ve been thinking of getting a storefront. I was thinking this yesterday when J. was talking about closing down her office. She said she paid under $500 a month for her space. Her office was around the paper mill on Argonne, I believe. That’s where I could open up shop! I mean the general area where office space is inexpensive, not the exact same office she had LOL.

So my idea is this. Instead of buying a smart car, or maybe I do buy a smart car and this happens after that… Once I get $5000 in cash, I rent an office and buy BTM. Bitcoin teller machine. Then I bolt that to the floor in the office space, and viola, that’s a business!

People can come in, and exchange their Bitcoin for Dollars via the BTM. I don’t have to see them or talk to them. I don’t even have to go in every day if I set up the facility correctly. All I gotta do is keep that cash stocked in the machine, and the BTM fees come rolling in.


Just imagine me opening the first BTM in Spokane… HOLY SHIT I’D ACHIEVE CLOUD 9!

Ok yeah, so I’d have just a small space for people to come inside and use the BTM. If it were 24/7, that would be perfect. Then I could have a closed off space on the interior of the office where I could set up a Filecoin miner, and have an office space where I handle eBay shipments. Then I can work from home, or the office. I could free up space in my apartment, and have UPS/USPS/FedEx pickups at my office.


Yesterday while I walked, I decided I’m going to do it. I’m going to make my dreams become reality, because Chris is uniquely suited to do exactly this kind of work!

I could do Bitcoin lessons, for people who want to get into Bitcoin but are confused by the technology or the BTM. I could put up a little corkboard with community bitcoin events. I could have a couple tables in the front area for meetup groups. I could have free coffee and sell Ledger Nanos, Trezors, and OpenDimes!

I’m thinking that the simplest office floorspace design would be an office that gets locked up every night. That’s less than ideal because I would prefer to have a 24/7 BTM.

I think a money tree office design would be pretty nice. The foyer area could be open 24/7, which is where the BTM would be. Then the office space would be off-limits for customers.

There’s a lot of thinking and planning that will be required for this, but I have time to hash that out. It’ll be awhile before I can afford to do such a thing. Right now I just have to focus on working hard so I can have the capital to begin such a venture!

My wildest dreams would be realized, and that’s both exciting and inspiring!

78. I am stronger than my worries.
81. I am braver than I feel.
94. I’m not sure what will happen tomorrow, but I’ll take care of myself so I am strong enough to face it.

I’m grateful for MMD, which is a program a lot of creators use to pose and animate VOCALOID 3D models. My desktop right now is an image celebrating the 10th Anniversary of MMD. I’m grateful for MMD because the animated music videos I see bring me a lot of happiness.

I’m grateful for this list of 101 positive things to say to myself. I’m just picking 3 of them every day and writing them down here on this blog. I’m grateful for this list because I think it’s helping me reprogram my brain to be more positive.

Affirmation list

I’m grateful for the lack of snow today. Without snow, it makes walking outside a lot easier, and I’m less likely to slip and fall because of icy pathways. It also gives me one less excuse to use to not go outside and exercise. Speaking of which, I’m going outside right now and I’m going to exercise!

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