Mon Feb 24 2020

It’s a day and I’m sticking to it.

I am not feeling too positive today. I don’t want to type. I want to give up and bury my head in the sand. I don’t know how I’m going to make rent, if my tax return doesn’t show up in the next few days. I simply can’t make rent if that’s the case.

I don’t want to work anywhere. It’s too uncomfortable and I’m too insecure when I allow myself to be vulnerable.

I need a good scam.

Selling P-Memories cards on eBay at $7 apiece is a pretty damn good scam. I just sold two yesterday. That brings my total sold up to 3. I’m listing some ToraDora cards later today.

I’m really insecure right now. I’m feeling anxious. I don’t know what’s going to happen.

I made an impulse purchase yesterday. I bought Lucidity on eBay for $17. That’s a pretty good deal, since it’s $25 on amazon. It’s a fun game and I needed it my life NOW! It was an impulse purchase, that is for sure. I shouldn’t have bought it…

I need some fun in my life. I need excuses to play with friends and family. That’s what I tell myself.

Maybe I could get on social security. This is a temporary thing, of course. Temporary until I can make money using my own means.

If I were a millionare, I wouldn’t have any issues with my life. I’m sure I could come up with some issues to be worried about, but right now my most pressing issue is being able to support myself. Having food for rent and groceries is my biggest issue right now. Next issue is money for auto expenses and debt payback.

Lots of money issues. I don’t see any change to this in the near future because I don’t work hard enough. Or rather, I don’t work hard enough on profitable ventures. I work plenty hard, just not on things that make reliable money.

I’m working on it. I’m working on profitability. I’m figuring out what works and what does not.

A few days ago, my Paypal account had $400. That was enough for rent. Unfortunately I had to shuffle that money around and buy some soap and trash bags and shaving cream, so it’s not enough to pay rent anymore.

I’ll figure something out. Right now I’m feeling very vulnerable. This is a vulnerability that is not my own choosing, so it doesn’t feel good at all. If it were the type of vulnerability of my own choosing, would I feel good that way? I’m thinking no..

I was not happy about the game day on Saturday. I was sad on Sunday as I recollected the events. But then I was very excited to buy Lucidity because I had fun playing that.

So there were good things that came from the game day. I sorta(?) made new friends, although I didn’t open up to them, they just kind of talked with me briefly. E. and J. are the names I remember. There was a girl too, but I have a strange thing with women that I can’t remember their names. I think it’s because I’m afraid of women that I ignore them as much as possible.

Anyway, E. goes to Spokane Buddhist Temple. I was nervous that he would recognize me and say he saw me at SBT last week. My friend D. doesn’t know I’ve been going to SBT and I don’t want to be outed as a Buddhist just yet.

I don’t know why I’m hiding it. Actually I do. I’m hiding that I’m investigating Buddhism because I don’t want my family to know. Religion is a touchy subject with them and I only want to reveal my new found spirituality once I have the means to move out.

I think Religiosity other than Christianity are on the same sinner-level as smoking pot in my parent’s mind. That might be an exaggeration but I’m not about to find out what they think of it.

Right now my plan is to sell all my shit, then move out and live in my vehicle or a tent. That’s a new adventure that I can take on, and I’ll save some money doing it.

I just need to find good free places to camp in the area. Well, I could do paid spots every now and then, assuming that they have something I need in return such as a hot shower.

I was thinking of going to a gym as well for showering.

I would like to have running water though. Eventually? I just watched a video the other day about a guy adding a sink to his camper van. What a nice camper van he has. It’s the tall type which allows him to stand up in. Anyway, he added a foot pump sink with grey water storage tank. I like that idea more than electric RV pumps which are so damn noisy!

I want to say the setup cost around $500. I wasn’t paying that close of attention but that number is probably close. He used a rolling toolbox as the countertop. I think that was a silly design because it had to be modified so heavily and the wheels disabled, I think it would have made more sense to custom make the cabinet from the beginning. Anyway the water system was a pretty cool setup and something I would like to replicate in the future.

It seems like a lot of work to convert a van into a livable space. I should know, since I bailed out on my first attempt to do such a thing. I was so lazy that I didn’t even want to claim my share of the money that my co-workers sold the van for. That was a big loss! I bought the van for around $1000 and I gave my co-workers permission to sell it for me, and I got $0 for the sale.

I was so lazy! Well if it were up to me, that van would still be sitting there. My dad didn’t like it sitting there so he had his employees move it and sell it.

I’m laughing at how ridiculous that was. I bought it, tried converting it, got dismayed, abandoned the project until my dad got tired of seeing it. LOL what a dumb turn of events. I really had such a disposable income at the time!

Anyway, I’d like to think I’m a little better with money now. I use budgeting software now. I don’t let investments go when I’m panicking. I have to give myself a lot of credit for this. I’m broke right now but I haven’t panic sold my stocks, bitcoin, or Weiss Schwarz cards. Those things are long-term investments and the money is LOCKED. I have to do something else to get money if I’m in full panic mode, because rule #1 of investing is NEVER LOSE MONEY.

2:52PM. I’m sorta back on my regular schedule now. I’m pleased about that. I would like to wake up at around noon though, not 2PM. Earlier would be even better because I like to not be rushed to make it to the Post Office before 5PM. I’d like to wake up at 7AM every day, because that gives me plenty of time to journal, exercise, and shower before going out for the day. Plus, I can make the Post Office cutoff if I leave early.

The post office cutoff is probably 11AM, if I had to guess. I see the semi truck rolling out of there at around 1:30 every day, which means 4:30PM dropoffs at the post office aren’t going to leave that building until the next day.

Blah blah blah blah I’m a gummy bear

I sold a Keytronics Keyboard on eBay this morning. $14 + $14 shipping. It’s old stock, something I got for free from work.

I’m just sellin’ old stock, and hoping that will carry me to the next month. Fuck, I gotta figure out how to make more money.

What Bitcoin Did podcast earned $47,000 in January alone. $47K! That blows my mind! The dude (Patrick?) could buy a new Tesla Model 3 every month of the year!

Incredible. It seems that most of his money comes from the 5 sponsors he has. So it’s not like his podcast makes money for just being popular. It makes money because it’s popular and sponsors want to spread their message to as large an audience as possible.

I miss the days of I didn’t realize how good I had it. $200 a month on ad revenue. I let that website fall apart because of my own incompetence. I thought Joomla was a piece of shit, but the reality was that it was simply being overloaded.

It needed a more powerful server, but I didn’t realize it.

Anyway, water under the bridge. I gotta move forward and take what I’ve learned with me. Flash games websites are out of style, so I haven’t attempted it again. I don’t know if I would want to run a website like that again.

What am I saying… $200 a month for me right now would be a GODSEND.

The thing is, I don’t think I could replicate the success in 2020. Like I said, Flash games are not a thing anymore. Kinda sorta. Most browsers don’t support flash, so I don’t think it’s a good idea to make such a thing.

I could make Extremetoaster 5 times better than it was, but I don’t think ad revenue is even as good as it used to be.

I just don’t know.

I just don’t know.

I just don’t know.

I think my time is better spent on eBay, listing junk I find for free.

But is that an investment? Definitely not. Well, I take that back. P-Memories cards don’t sell that often, but they do sell. It may take years to sell the inventory I have, but those cards being available for buyers on eBay means that they are ready to sell when the buyer is ready to buy. My investment is in the time it takes to list individual cards. The return on investment comes from sales over a long period of time.

Further investments I’m making is my ability to create webapps. I invest the time and energy into making the apps, publishing them, and hoping people come and see them.

That’s what my current project, p-data is all about. It’s goal is to create a copy of the p-memories card set, and make them available for other apps to ingest.

My next project is precious-db, which will use the data in p-data and display it nicely for users. They can sort that data, create custom subsets of the data (decks), and share their subsets (decks) with their friends.

That’s the goal. And if it gets some popularity, I can monetize that popularity in the form of sponsors or advertisements or affiliate marketing.

That’s the goal. And I’m working hard on it.

I’ve got one more feature I need to implement in precious-data before I can proceed to start working on precious-db. The feature I need is incremental downloading. Incremental downloading means that a download only occurs if the data doesn’t exist locally. This prevents necessary network usage and speeds up the time it will take to run subsequent p-memories website rips in the future.

I’ll wrap up this post for today. I’m feeling a bit anxious about making it to the post office on time, so I think I will make a trip down to the post office before I exercise for the day.

I’ll finish this post up with some creative writing, words of gratitude, and affirmations.

“Don’t think I can’t see you back there!” Riccella shouted to the small child.

Peter froze. His eyes opened wide and a bead of seat formed on his forehead. He was petrified, and remained perfectly still with his back to the voice.

“Hey! Don’t pretend like you can’t hear me, I can see you right there! ” Riccella pointed her flashlight at the warehouse shelf Peter hid behind. She drew a circle around Peter with the flashlight. The warehouse shelf Peter hid behind added to Peter’s obvious sillouete as the flashlight illuminated the wall in front of Peter.

Peter saw his own form in the shadow, and accepted that his streak of mischief was over. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“Yeah yeah, you got me.” Peter called out with a pout.

Peter grudgingly stood up and faced the light. With the light in his eyes, Peter was blinded for a moment before Riccella shone the light on herself.

Ricella blew a raspberry sound and pulled down her eyelid with her free hand.

“thbptttttttt! I win again. Better luck next time!”

I’m grateful for artists who create wonderful works as seen on P-Memories cards. The artwork brings me joy and sometimes sadness or envy. Those last too suck! But they’re emotions? I don’t know. I’m thinking of the teachings of Buddha and the suggestion that materal wealth is the source of human suffering. I’m conflicted about that.

I’m grateful for alternative ideas such as Buddhism which challenge my beliefs and get me to think about things. I like this because I think it’s good to consider alternative ideas.

I’m grateful for free shit. I’m grateful for free shit because I can sell it at a profit. I want to sell lots of free shit in the coming months and get out of debt!

11. I may be one in 7 billion but I am also one in 7 billion!
37. I can make a difference.
36. I accept myself.

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