Mon Mar 8 2021

9:50AM. Just had a therapy call via Zoom.

I want to distract. I don’t want to work on my social anxiety.

I got a bunch of todo list items from my therapist, for the pursuit of my goal of overcoming my social anxiety.

* [ ] Contact Spokane Valley BJJ
* [ ] Attend resilience group on the 11th
* [ ] Text H.
* [ ] Attend video game group
* [ ] Check Nerds United board game schedule
* [ ] Write in thought journal

I just pinged 3 people on Discord, saying that I miss them and that I want to play board games again.

I’m trying to avoid texting H. because I don’t actually want to be friends with him. I’m afraid of that, because I think he has an idea of me, my political opinions and I don’t think I fit into that idea. I think we share some common interests that we could talk about, but … IDK. IDK!

He’s my sister’s boyfriend. I don’t want to be friends and then he and my sister break up and then we’re no longer friends.

I don’t want to.

All I wanna do right now is go back to sleep! I didn’t sleep long enough because I was picking & packing last night.

I had a midnight snack, which got my stomach all full, which led me to not be able to sleep, so I picked and packed until 3AM.

I had nice dreams though. Nothing sexual, unfortunately, but they were good unique and interesting dreams. I already forgot what they were about, but it was mildly pleasant to wake up with the memory of those rare visions.

I’m thinking of making myself a smoothie right now. A smoothie and some tea, yeah! Ohh, could I mix tea into the smoothie?

I want tea to keep myself awake, and a smoothie to satisfy my hunger.

Also, I’m afraid that if I don’t eat soon, my body will start to think that food arrives at midnight, which will throw off my sleep schedule. I don’t want that.

I don’t want friends and I don’t want relationships. That is the thought I’m having right now. I don’t agree with the thought, the more I pick it apart, but I’m just logging this thought so I can think about it later and process it and get past it.

Ok, I got smoothie in hand. I’m watching Snuffy play Spyro the Dragon.. Nice n’ distracted now.

Today I’m going to list lots of cards. I have 10K cards to work through!

There’s a seller on Yahoo Auctions with 8 OreImo booster boxes. EIGHT! They’re selling for $67 a piece. If I had the funds, I would buy every one of those booster boxes, because I could sell them for $300 a piece.

Fuck. Oh wait, what am I doing? I could use a credit card. It would be risky, but I am going to take risks this year, make bank, and get out of debt.

My financials are in a bad place at the moment. didn’t have enough money this morning to pay for shipping. I only have $25 in my checking account, and shipping was ~$45.

11 packages went out today.

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