Written on Sun Nov 24 2019 @ 11:41 AM PST

I awoke to my dad’s voice outside calling for the dogs. Because of his calls, he intruded into my dreams. How annoying.

It’s 11:42 AM and I’m just geting up. Yikes. What happened to my leet schedule of waking up at 6AM?

I gotta get up real early tomorrow. Firstly I have to go to therapy, secondly I am going to help my dad built a retaining wall. And my suburban broke down so I have to walk a half hour to the nearest bus stop.

I’m shivering it’s so cold in my apartment. Winter is definitely here. Or is it still fall? I’ll just say it’s winter because we already had serveral days with snow.

I’m thinking of doing Instacart. Although the idea is a bit of a challenge because I have no working vehicle.

I think the suburban might just need gas. I put off filling up the tank longer than I ever have. I have a rule that I picked up from someone. Never below quarter tank. So if I’m out and about and I dip below quarter tank, I have to fill up before I go home. I shirked that rule like 4 days in a row, and then I lost power going down a hill. Luckily I could still steer with some effort. I was able to make it back home although it died 2 or 3 times on the way. It was a bit scary because losing control of a 2 ton metal box on wheels would have huge consequences to health and property.

If I could get financing for a Tesla Model 3, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would sell or store all my belongings, and live out of my Model 3. I’d pay the Model 3 monthly fee instead of paying rent. I’d get a gym membership so I could shower every day. I’d use laundromats to clean my clothes. I’d hang out at public parks with restrooms.

And I’d do DoorDash and Instacart. Full time. I’d be rollin in cash. I already crunched the numbers.

Income

Instacart $12/hr x 8hr/day = $96/day (factored in low orders and vehicle expenses). 20 workdays a month = $1920/month.

Expenses

Auto Insurance $100/month
Food $300/month
Auto PMT $496/month
Electricity $20/month
Storage $40/month
Gym $150/month
Laundry $50/month
Cell $150/month
Total $1306/month

I jotted down my expenses, and the potential income with Instacart. I didn’t even factor in DoorDash. See my thought is I could spend my downtime at parks and be on my laptop. I can do my code projects while I wait for Instacart orders to come in. Or I can run DoorDash and Instacart simultaneously and be busy all the time.

Expenses while living out of a car are comparable to my expenses now. I pay $400 for rent now. Living out of a car cancels that expense and replaces it with a $496 monthly payment. It’s this high because I chose the full self driving option on the Model 3.

I have near 0 income right now. I can’t afford to live where I live. I don’t want to pay to live here. I’ve wanted to move out for years, but lacked initiative.

This thought just popped in my head the other night. An escape that doesn’t involve killing myself. An exciting new adventure. A lucrative challenge.

I had a concern about how I would cook and prepare food. Then I remembered a vegan channel which featured an automotive rice cooker and simple meals using rice and vegetables. I’d just pick up one of those rice cookers and my problem is solved! Rice cookers are incredibly versatile. Then I just need one of those automotive refrigerators and I’m golden.

The passenger seat would be storage for my main living supplies. The Model 3 has extensive storage in the frunk and the trunk. I’d have to cut down on a lot of things of course, since I wouldn’t want to drive around with a car cluttered to the ceilings.

I was thinking I could rent storage for my precious Vocaloid belongings. I’ve got lots of boxes of cards which I cannot part with at the moment. I have a large inventory of electronics and tools which I would sell or donate. I should probably get on that right away regardless of whether or not I hit the road.

I would have opportunity to drive wherever I want. I’d no longer be anchored to Spokane or Washington. I have wanted to move to Idaho for several years as well. This would be a perfect opportunity to be nomadic and drive across the country until I find a place I really like.

I had a dream to go on a cross country tour sometime around 2014 or 2015. I bought a van to accomplish this task, but ultimately ran out of funds. With an electric car, I can use it’s efficiency to turn a profit by working in the gig economy. After work, I’m free to drive to the next city or just chill.

Complete freedom. I set the rules. I set the schedule. I live almost exactly like I want to live.

Almost exactly because I still have to make bank. I would have to pay off the expensive vehicle so I could keep owning it. Any slacking off would jeopardize the mission.

The mission? Yes, the mission. If it’s a mission, I have a clear and present goal. There is clear and present risk of failure. There is clear and present reason for me to not give up.

Everything would ride on this. I wonder if I could even rise to the occasion. It probably won’t happen because I’m a lazy half asser though. Anyway, I put in a loan application with my bank. I wonder if they would even finance me.

If they do, I’m tempted to go all in. I really need a huge change in my life to maintain the will to live.

I got stuck on my jepurdee project yesterday. I became instantly depressed. It was no longer fun to work on, so I had to take a break. I think this is the main reason I’m being so stubborn about getting a job. I’m having so much fun with programming projects, that a paying job has no appeal. But programming is just an addiction.

My results aren’t particularly impressive, they’re just the result of hundreds of hours of brute forcing my way through the process. It’s not a good result, it’s just a result of an addiction. It’s just an addiction.

I wonder if I would break my addition with my Tesla Trek. I wonder if I could make a YouTube Channel and monetize it further.

I just thought of something that would keep me in the PNW. Therapy. I have to have at least one session a month for 6 months. Well, I can actually cancel any time, I under no obligation to continue for the whole 6 months. But I think I should. I need tools on coping with problems. I don’t have those tools at the moment and it’s a big reason why I can’t hold jobs.

Am I being unreasonable to think I can do Instacart? I hope not. I did DoorDash a few times, and managed that okay. It is a job with very low contact with people, but the low contact is enough to where I feel a need to be friendly. I’m not good at being friendly, but I remember feeling like I was improving from the few times I tried.

The task doesn’t get easier, but my ability to do the task increases. My dad has a quote similar to that which he LOVES to recite.

It’s not enough. I need reliable coping mechanisms, and basic social instructions. I’ve been winging it for so long, and not doing so well. I need inner confidence. As odd as it might sound, I need permission from someone I trust.

I think I need to move out so I can exercise inner confidence. I’m so afraid to speak my mind in social situations because I fear I could lose my housing because my orthodox parents could find offense in my words. It isn’t healthy for me to live at home anymore. This risk shouldn’t exist in my life.

I lost my writing flow. I rewatched the Tesla Cybertruck event to see the windows getting smashed. Epic moment! I even started a folder to hoard all the best Tesla Cybertruck memes. This gives me a perfect opportunity to try the WordPress Gutenberg Gallery!

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I laugh at the failure of the unveil event, but I mean no ill will towards Tesla or Elon. It’s failures like this that make Tesla, SpaceX and Elon more appealing. The people working on these projects are human. They fail a lot. They get things right eventually. Their persistence is admirable and their vision is extraordinarily exciting. I want a Tesla Cybertruck, but I can’t get over how funny the windows breaking was!

In all fairness, the windows can withstand the impact.

The window shakes quite a bit in this demonstration. I don’t know if the blue towel had something to do with it, or it was just the properties of the throw. Maybe the throw distance or strength was different in the live demo?

On further inspection of this video, I can see that the door was ajar. This alone would cushion the blow and allow energy to dissipate from the glass. Yikes!

Anyway what I’m getting at is their test drop fixtures allowed the glass to bounce quite a bit. The Cybertruck’s window on the other hand was rigidly held by the frame of the door, so less energy escaped the glass as it did when the ball was dropped from the tall tube.

In the live demo, the door was not ajar. It rigidly held the glass, and the glass simply absorbed all the energy on impact.

I’m thinking Tesla will turn this fail into a win. I bet the next Tesla Truck event will feature even stronger glass. Maybe Frans will even take a third live throw at the windows to prove it!

Whatever happens, it’s always exciting to hear news about Tesla’s endeavors.