Sat Jun 6 2020

I wrote parts of this entry on two scraps of paper during an all day adventure to purchase a bicycle. These events took place yesterday on Friday.

I sold most of my Tesla stock so I could afford to buy a bike. I got about $877 for selling a share. I still have fractions of a share of TSLA.

I have regrets for selling, but I know that it’s okay to lock in profits when it comes to stock. I bought in at $300. I sold at $877. That’s a FANTASTIC return! If only all my stock investments could be so explosive!

I started the day by packing and mailing eBay orders as usual. I then started walking to town. In the driveway I remembered that I forgot my helmet at home, but kept walking because I knew myself well enough. I might flake and abandon the adventure at the first opportunity. I disallowed myself the opportunity to flake and I just kept walking.

I walked the 5 miles to the bike store via the Appleway trail. I thought the section between Evergreen and Sullivan was incomplete, so I travelled via 4th from Sullivan to Evergreen. There were lots of cars and the sidewalks are intermittent on 4th.

I walked a block too far on the Appleway trail, ending up at Pines. This meant I had to do some back tracking to get to The Bike Hub.

The Bike Hub’s open signs were off, and their door was locked. Plastered on their doors were their COVID hours of operation and the procedures they were undergoing. Their store was open, however they were keeping the doors locked and letting people in one at a time.

I had to wait. Eventually an employee came and opened the door and let me in. He asked what I was looking for and explained that I was looking for an inexpensive bike. He said that bikes were the new toilet paper due to COVID-19 and that he wasn’t sure they would have anything for me which fell into that category.

He looked in their storage room before inviting me down there to take a look at a bike in a box. He showed me two boxes of unassembled bicycles from the brand name GIANT. He told me the price of $550. I asked how soon he could have one assembled for me and he said later that day! The price was about what I was expecting to pay, so I excitedly agreed.

The employee had a bicycle ahead of mine to assemble, so he estimated the time to completion would be 3 hours from then. I figured I could find something to do in that time so I departed.

The only problem was that the door was locked and I couldn’t get out. I felt like letting my anxiety run wild, but I practiced accepting things as they are and I waited patiently. I stayed calm and I am proud of myself for doing so. Eventually the man who had helped me realized that he hadn’t let me out and he came and did so, after which letting the next customer in.

I walked back to the Safeway on Evergreen and did some grocery shopping. I knew I had a while to wait, so I kept my groceries light and volumetrically low. I bought a couple bags of beans, some brown rice, a package of rice cakes, two bananas, and a fruit puree.

I also bought a book of stamps so I could replenish my postage stamp inventory.

After I checked out and left the store, a homeless guy asked me for money because I looked away from him as I walked past– I think he sensed my social anxiety and preyed on me.

I said I couldn’t help him. I feel a bit guilty because he was technically asking for food, not money. He said he would work for it. Wash my car or fix something at my house. I said I didn’t have a car and I’m food stamps and I can’t really help. In hindsight, I could have offered him a banana.

At the time, I didn’t sense a legitimate need. I sensed that he was preying on me because of how I walked past and diverted my gaze when our eyes met. I’ve been taken advantage before during times of anxiety. I think homeless people look for people in mental states such as mine. In San Francisco, I was panhandled constantly.

I felt guilty because I had food on me that I wasn’t going to eat right away. I had two bananas and I could have given him one. I had rice cakes and I could have given him half.

Technically it would be illegal for me to give him any of my food, since they were purchased using food stamps. Technically it is illegal to share food bought with foodstamps. The food is supposed to be for me and for me only.

Regardless, in hindsight, the bananas would have been a mistake because I needed both of them to stay energized for the day ahead. I could have given him some rice cakes though.

Anyway… I sensed malice. I sensed a man who was trying to take advantage of my kindness. I didn’t sense his desire to feed himself, I sensed a desire for him to make money.

I walked back to the Appleway trail and sat on a bench where I began to write.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s picnic. Said hi to lots of people today. Practiced saying no. lived a little– went into debt for a bicycle, going to be worth every penny because of the health & fitness benefits, increased mobility and cargo load.

About that debt. I did a cash advance on one of my credit cards, because it’s going to take a few days before I can withdraw my stock earnings. I was a TIMMMY to do that, because cash advances on credit cards have extra fees and incur an additional interest charge. A damn TIMMY! But I did it to live a little. I did it to accelerate my earning potential, get a bike for Saturday so I can spend time with friends etc. etc.

Excited. Bike shop was really busy. They need time to assemble the bike. 3PM was the time estimate but I think it will be later than that. I get so NERVOUS around people!

(Nervous about people on the trail. I wasn’t nervous at the bike shop)

So often they are smiling and waving, yet I tense up. Fuck, rain! Girl with cute dog. Wimpered and looked at me. No leash. Well behaved!

Lots of people seem anxious around me. Some take a drag of their cigarette. Others look down. I avoid eye contact, get tight in the chest, tight leg muscles, tight shoulders.

Hopefully the weather holds up for tomorrow’s picnic. I’m writing on note paper but I really miss my small notepad.

Bicyclists. I’ll be joining them very shortly!

1:30PM. I’m sitting on a “butter bench” along the appleway trail between Evergreen and [Blake]. Apparently the section of trail between Evergreen & Sullivan is partially complete. From the Evergreen side, it’s not blocked off. This morning I skipped that area because I thought it was blocked.

Meta: I don’t think it makes sense to use quotes for such long sections of quoted text. I’ll use colored group sections instead.

Lunch was nice. I got a juice from Safeway and I really dislike it. It’s a paint o write on this small notepaper. I think walking and writing during NaNoWriMo would be an excellent way to get motivation.

Lots of stimulus out here. A wasp keeps crawling on this bench. I hear the PA loudspeaker from [an automotive repair place.] I hear an air compressor and crickets chirping. A robin and a crow squawk.

The wind blows, rustling the tall grass. I hear a garbage truck stop and use it’s hydraulic lift. A sk8boarder rolls past on red cruising wheels. A pair of cyclists zoom by on tuned gears.

(I ran out of paper and switched to my Safeway receipt)

Receipt paper, aw yeah! This shit sucks to write on! I wanna watch season 4 of Better Call Saul. It’s one more thing that I wanna shell money out for. If only eBay was profitable for me! If only I got paid to do what I love!

I’ll get there. Eventually.

I’m hopeful for my cassette tape gig. It’s (the website) is starting to look really nice.

I wonder what I’ll think of NEXT! I love my side projects! Tonight I want to eat a big dinner, then get lots of restful sleep. Tomorrow’s a big day!

A bunch of old people just walked by wearing masks. None of them said anything. I bet they’re afraid of me. I have no mask on. Two guys on fat tire electric bikes just zoomed past. “Don’t run over my residents!” a caretaker called out.

I’m right by Orchard Crest retirement community. They seem to be on their afternoon walk!

I wonder if I’ll make it to elderhood? If so, what will my life look like? Retirement community? Living with relatives? All alone?

Hopefully not all alone. I probably won’t make it to that age if I’m all alone.

The old folks came back and teh caretaker is upset with a group that walked [ahead] extra far. “We were supposed to be 15 minutes but we’re at 25 one way! (…) I get in trouble for that.”

I’m hungry again. Time for more rice cakes! Or maybe a fig bar.

And that’s all I wrote.

I ended up walking some more because I got bored and it was approaching 3PM. I eventually called the bike store at 3:30 and asked if I would be able to pick up the bike that day. Their COVID hours were 10AM to 4PM and I only had a half hour at that point.

After speaking with the employees, they seemed so chill about it and they said it would be another hour or two before I could pick it up. Apparently their posted hours aren’t taken very seriously!

Anyway, I appreciated the heck out of being able to pick the bike up that same day. I should have tipped, dammit!

I got hecka sunburned even though it was cloudy all day. I realized I was getting burned but I didn’t have any sunscreen to do anything about it. In hindsight I could have put on my hoodie and protected the back of my neck which got burnt the worst.

After calling the bike shop, I walked back to the Appleway trail and sat on a bench for another hour. I ate some snacks and sipped my juice, but mostly just zoned out and thought about things.

At 4:30 I got a call and I walked back to the bike shop and got a test ride. The bike felt like it was made for me because of how tall it was. Tallest bike I’ve ever been on.

I FLEW on that thing. I was home in what felt like 10 minutes. I tracked my route home using OpenTracks app. My max speed was 19.76 mi/h. I could have gone faster but it’s a new bike and I didn’t have a helmet. I didn’t want to push it and risk a crash. I don’t yet understand the ins and outs of how it handles.

It’s so fast!

I kept shouting that phrase as I struggled to contain my excitement. I’m a proud owner of a beautiful navy blue 2020 GIANT Roam 3.

2020 GIANT Roam 3

This is a first for me. I’ve never purchased a new bicycle before. I purchased a used bike once before when I lived in Eugene, but never shiny and new like this!

Where will this take me? What adventures will I have? Only time will tell!

So yeah, Friday evening I got home, made refried beans, ate, then crashed. I had terrible yet restful sleep. It was terrible because I awoke one time in a state of nausea and panic, as if experiencing an impending doom. I mindfully realized what was going on, how my body was resting and repairing itself, that I had pushed myself very hard earlier in the day and my body was shook, and that I didn’t need to be fearful.

I awoke refreshed and yet stiff and sore. I think these feeling are not bad ones. I think I would actually like to feel this way more often, because I feel healthy and alive after accomplishing such a feat.

I looked at the GPS data I collected from my ride home, and pieced together the route I walked during the day using AllTrails (formerly the excellent GPSies.)

15 miles is a rough total of the distance travelled. 9 miles walked, 6 miles ridden. I was completely exhausted after that.

And to think that I was planning on cycling another 28 to get to and from the picnic today! Just not possible.

Oh yeah, I cancelled my participation in the picnic. I’m bummed about it, but also relieved. I dunno what my body would do if I subjected myself to 28 miles as I tried to recover from yesterday’s 15.

ok that’s it for today. I missed writing yesterday but I don’t even care because days like this where I spend 7 hours away from the computer give me a wonderful, unmatched feeling of contentment. Today I’m not working or anything. I’m gonna jump on Squad before I go back to sleep.

Here’s some affirmations because they’re easy to recite and wonderful to take on!

86. I am capable of bringing my dreams to life.

Financial self-sufficiency, business profitability, stress level zero, fun and fulfilling work!

87. I am okay. I am breathing. I am alive.

A good thing to tell myself when I have bad dreams!

88. I am capable of achieving great things.

Thank you! I agree!


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