Sat May 30 2020

argument, conflict, controversy

I got put in “timeout” on Tim Dodd’s live stream for saying the following

mods be power trippin’

The mods were deleting people’s comments. The most ridiculous moderation. Comments such as, “ninjas or bondage?” which is a reasonable thing to think. First time I saw the hooded SpaceX pad crew, I thought they looked a lot like gimps. The mods must be prudes.

I think I’m just not going to watch Tim Dodd’s live streams. There’s too many problems with them. Today’s problem was that Tim’s video feed kept cutting out. His overall stream including NASA cameras feeds was okay, it was just the video from him in his car which was cutting out.

Found a better stream which Scott Manley is taking part of.

Tim seems so overwhelmed. I feel bad for him because he had plans to have a whole crew with him, but COVID-19 prevented him from bringing more people. Instead, his team is working remote, and there seems to be all sorts of issues with that system which was put together in a jiffy.

I know his streams will get better in time. I still love his videos, his streams however just generally test my patience and I’m not about that.

Actually every youtuber stream is pissing me off. Too many technical glitches and it’s too rag tag of a deal for me to spend hours with and hang out.

I’m going to watch SpaceX’s official stream.

I’m just not feeling that great today. I’m not feeling great any day! Since I’ve been working out daily, I have felt like shit.

I always feel like shit. But this shitty feeling is a different kind of shit than before. Before, I had tense muscles, high blood pressure, and brain fog.

Now I have muscles that feel great, stable blood pressure, no brain fog, but I’m always tired.

If I eat, I crash. I have to take a nap to recover.

You know what it probably is? I’m probably spending too much time working.

Yesterday I got up at 8AM and I was going non-stop on work until 8PM. That’s 12 hours of work, or making preparations for work.

1.4 Million people are watching the SpaceX live stream.

Today is a good day for eBay shipments. I shipped out 14 trading cards today. It’s all thanks to the dozens of offers that I sent out last night!

I’m going to make a habit of sending out offers to potential buyers.

I walked this morning, but only for about 15 minutes. I need an easy day. I need to fuel up and eat well.

I had brown rice, carrots, and chopped peppers topped with thai peanut sauce for brunch.

Seems like NASA and SpaceX are re-doing the entire broadcast today. Nothing re-used from Wednesday’s scrub as far as I can tell.

There’s a bunch of people behind the camera who are wildly flailing their arms around as they speak. I’m guessing they’re doing that because they’re nervous? They look like idiots.

Morans. Dung beetles. Stooges. Plebians.

I’m so tired. I become an asshole when I’m tired.

My prediction for today’s launch: Rocket failure and loss of crew.

My prediction for my life: Death by cancer at age 36.

I think I have a brain tumor. I think that’s why I’m so tired all the time. It’s near my left inner rear. It’s been growing since 2015 when it formed shortly after jaw surgery.

Tee minus eighteen minutes until launch. Propellant is being loaded. The condensation is rolling off the side of the capsule as per usual.

Launch abort system is armed. That’s reassuring because the booster could explode at any point now. There could be some Chinese sniper off in the distance ready to shoot a hole in the rocket.

Actually it wouldn’t be a Chinese sniper. It would be an American sniper posing as a Chinese sniper. It would be another false flag operation to rally Americans together in support of a Chinese invasion– a much needed action to kickstart the failing US economy.

LOL that’s a ridiculous idea. China does so much manufacturing the the US. The economy would probably collapse entirely if there is a China<->USA war.

Doug twiddles his fingers 10 minutes before launch

Maybe this is why people drink coffee. I can’t get anything done in this state. My brain is all mush.

Yoga helps. Too bad I haven’t done any yoga today. I haven’t been using my Pomodoro timer because this SpaceX launch is sapping my attention.

This is incredible. I’m seeing a view of the astronauts inside their capsule, just 6 minutes before they blast off.

I’ve said some cynical things in this post. To be real, I hope everything goes nominally and I hope the astronauts make it safely to the station.

2.8 Million viewers.

Ok, the launch went nominally. I’m tuning out now, and getting back to my routine.

That yoga felt nice.

My intentions for today are

  • Make money
  • Create & list 10 card multipacks on eBay
  • Make progress on mp3-to-cassette project
  • Make progress on Japanese Study
  • Journal

The most exciting part of my day was watching the SpaceX DM-2 launch. A close second was shipping out a record high of 14 cards. I’ve surely sent more cards out in a day in the form of 60 card trial decks. Today was a record in that all 14 cards were trial cards!

Today was a day of firsts. I got to try my new self-sealing envelopes which are very nice to work with. Today was the first time I sent out some promotional material which advertised my new Twitter account and my weekly giveaway.

Sakura Blossom Trading Post promotional material included in the packaging

Pretty cool, pretty cool.

Check out my adorable wallpaper

It’s very fitting because it’s been hot the past few days. Today is really overcast so it’s a lot cooler.

Today while I walked, I saw the hummingbird that I’ve been seeing lately. Such an incredible creature! It seemed to see me observing it, and it hovered at a distance while checking me out.

It seemed like it was having a fun time flying up about 50 feet high, then dropping straight down at full speed and swooping just before reaching the ground. It would let out it’s call immediately after, as if to be yelling, “Woooo! That was fun!”

Maybe that’s how it hunts for food? Maybe it’s gotta dive down on swarms of knats in order to catch them off guard and have a chance of catching one?

I don’t know what hummingbirds eat in the wild. I do know they like that sugary red drink that comes in feeders specifically designed for them.

If I recall correctly, humming bird feeders have a flower shaped feeding port. So does that mean that hummingbirds eat juices found in flowers? I guess that would make sense. The place I have routinely seen this tiny hummingbird is right around a tree with plentiful flowers.

Hummingbirds must be incredibly efficient. Their wings look so tiny, yet this little creature can travel incredibly fast. I doubt a predatory bird would find it easy to catch a hummingbird, given how nimble and capable of tight maneuvering they are.

I’m bored. I wanna open up Hacker News and learn about what’s going on in the tech world.

I wanna shit and cum. Not really, I’m just jumping to the memes.

I’m probably gonna take a nap.

Black bear with mange

Black bears with no hair look like distant relatives!

I took a nap. Woke up hungry. Downed some dried fruit and water. Put some brown rice on the stove. I’m out of carrots.

Time for another trip to the grocery store! Tomorrow would be an excellent day for that.

4:35PM. That nap felt amazing. Really happy to have taken the time for a good nap.

Ok then, what to talk about next? I suppose I can jump right into DBT.

Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication

Scenario: Your boss asks you to stay late, while everyone else leaves. You’re always the one who stays late, and tonight you have plans.

Passive: Oh, okay.
Aggressive: Fuck no! I got shit to do.
Assertive: I apologize but I can’t make that happen tonight. I have already made plans for this evening.

Scenario: Your partner left a mess in the kitchen, and you’re too busy to clean.

Passive: Oh, my partner must be busier than I am. I will clean that up.
Aggressive: You bitch! Get over here and clean this mess!
Assertive: Honey, I noticed that you left a mess in the kitchen. It’s important that we keep that area clean. Would you mind cleaning that up?

Scenario: You’re at a restauraunt, and the server brought you the wrong dish.

Passive: Uh, I guess this is okay. I’ll just not eat.
Aggressive: What the hell is this? What is wrong with you? I ordered the x, not this crap!
Assertive: Excuse me, I ordered the x.

Scenario: A friend showed up at your house uninvited. Usually you would be happy to let them in, but this time you’re busy.

Passive: *grumble* ok come in
Aggressive: You’re so annoying! I can’t entertain you whenever you want!
Assertive: Oh, <friend’s name>, good to see you! Unfortunately I’m in the middle of something and now’s not a good time. Could we reschedule?

Yep! Ok then! DBT outta the way.

74. I accept the good that is flowing into my life.
75. I will not allow anxious thoughts to steal my joy.
76. Today, I forgive myself.

Affirmations as well. I read them aloud. I read the DBT stuff aloud as well.

I’ve been reading aloud whenever I read out of a book. I think it’s good practice. I think it’s important to use my mouth and talk, especially during this period of isolation.

How ironic is it that Californian society has imposed an isolation mandate, right about the time when I was on a mission to manage my social anxiety?

It’s so ironic. It’s so unfortunate. It’s so unwelcome.

Just gotta keep moving forward. There will be better times in the future.

I’m really eager to work on eBay today. I feel well rested for once.

Oh shit, I ate a bunch of fruit. Are my energy levels about to crash? The trending occurrence says yes.

Would I have more energy if I just became a breatharian? It seems that food just saps my energy more than it gives it to me. That’s probably not accurate, it’s just that my blood sugar levels change more noticeably immediately after consuming food than the long term effects of the food in my system.

I think I consistently don’t eat enough. I think I’m getting re feeding syndrome every time I eat. I think I’d have to walk to the grocery store twice a week if I were to solve this issue. I think I’d need a bigger food budget as well.

Well, that’s just another thing to aspire to! If I had a bicycle, going to the store wouldn’t be such a major hurdle.

Doesn’t matter. I don’t have a bicycle, and I can’t be hard on myself for not having one. Things won’t suddenly be better when I do have a bicycle. I have to be okay with me and my situation right now. I’m always living right now. I’m not living in the future. I may want to live in the future, but that is impossible.

I am okay with how things are right now. I would like things to change, and I can work toward those changes. I am working towards those changes. I am seeing small successes on a weekly basis. I’m pleased with that. I’m happy right now.

I’m happy right now. Things are pretty good. I’d like things to continue to be good, and I’d like to continue to see an increase in good things that happen.

I can set my intentions right now and work on things right now which will improve the rate at which I see happy successes.

Right now I’m going to make the decision to find something else to do on Friday that doesn’t involve playing video games all by myself. Loneliness is a big problem for me, and this is one day that I consistently have free. I could spend this time with family or friends rather than allowing myself to slump into a lonely rut.

Sunday as well. If not a physical meetup such as a campfire or family dinner, we can make it virtual and have a good time.

I just realized that 3DSellers has been sending out thank you e-mails on my behalf, using my personal e-mail as the sender! Yikes!

I never set up thank you e-mails. My trial is expired. I thought all functionality from 3D Sellers would end as well, but I see that this is not the case!

Ok I removed my eBay account from 3D sellers.

Here’s some good news! Japan Air is making shipments again! My package containing 27 “God’s Notepad” booster packs has finally made it to the USA after almost 60 days!

I wonder what those waypoints are?

I shouldn’t have even checked this page. It’s not like looking at the tracking info will make it arrive any quicker!

I think it might be registered mail. Hopefully it’s not. If it’s registered mail, that probably means the package will end up at the post office rather than my mailbox. They do that because getting a signature takes so much time out of their delivery that it’s not worth the trouble. My house is 700 feet from the road, and there’s the risk that nobody is home when they need a signature. Plus there are noisy dogs and there’s a long wait for someone to answer the door.

With all that trouble, I get why they just leave a card in the mailbox which requires me to go down to the post office and sign for the package.

It didn’t happened before… Maybe they’re making exceptions for COVID-19? Maybe they are going to the house to get a signature, but I’m just not the one who ever interacts with the mail carrier? IDK IDK

I’m tired again. I wanna take a nap.

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