Sat Sep 5 2020

My evening was spent watching Melody on Chaturbate

Projekt Melody on Chaturbate
Projekt Melody reaching orgasm

Melody fucked herself with her incredibly fast Jackrabbit toy, and entered bakka mode for several minutes after she orgasmed. Today I learned that Melody’s hair glows pink when she orgasms.

That was really hot!

I felt bad for leaving after Melody’s came. I hopped over to Ironmouse’s twitch stream when her stream started shortly after Melody came from her jackrabbit toy. Melody kept streaming for about an hour, just chillin’, naked on her bed. It felt like a post-sex cuddle session, but instead of a bonding time, I was in a reverse harem of 5000 other horny people and trying my hardest to get some attention.

It still felt rude to leave, like I was just there to nut and run off, but I did so anyway because Mousey is my favorite streamer.

The crazy thing is that I didn’t even nut! I didn’t even masturbate, I was just being there for the experience. I got hella hard, hella wet and I had to change my boxers, but no fapping whatsoever.

I might have fapped had I not had trading cards in front of me. I have to keep it professional! I was working up until Melody got out her Jackrabbit. Then she started penetrating herself with that hi-tech robot dick and I couldn’t do anything but give my complete focus to her stream.

Fun times.

Anyway, I rode to Fred Meyer today and I saw Z. and W. as they were loading into their car. I got ice cream, lettuce, raisins, avocado, and granola.

Solid ride on the way home. I saw my mom, said hi, said hi to my dad who invited me to a bike ride on Monday (labor day) which I said yes to.

Run on sentence!

I saw D. as he was cleaning out his computer. I said hi and I invited him to do Ludum Dare this October. I told him about my Silhouette Cameo 3 and he seemed stoked about being able to cut out cards with precision.

I’m excited to get my Silhouette as well! There are so many things I can do with it, and I’m excited to get producing.

I listed 20-ish cards on eBay today. A few were assorted lots that I pulled from the box of low-value cards that I planned on rewarding to customers.

I still have tons of those low-value cards to give out, and I’m always going to be accumulating more.

I’m takin’ it easy today. It’s the weekend! I don’t want to get stressed out.

I slept in today. I missed the shipping cutoff time, even though I knew I had one card to ship out. I woke up after noon and rode down to the post office before I went to the grocery store.

I mailed the card in the blue box at the post office at around 2PM. IDK if they check that thing at 5PM on saturday, but I wanted to get that card in the system ASAP.

Now I’m watching Ironmouse sing.

“This song is called, fuck my earhole, thank you.”

Ironmouse 2020

LOL she’s so hilarious. I love her stream so much because she says the most hilarious and Twitch-inappropriate things at random times. I would like to become a patron so I can see what she’s like when she doesn’t have to hold back.

I’m happy to not have reached orgasm. That shit takes too much energy from me!

Oh, speaking of energy… I haven’t been sleeping very well lately, and I’m sure that it’s because I’m lonely. My friend J. asked how I’m doing, but I don’t want to get into it because of my paradoxical loneliness where I don’t want to get close to people, but I also don’t want to be lonely.

Well, I said hi to my family members today when I saw them, because I haven’t talked to another person since Monday and I really wanted to talk and spend some time with them.

My friends have invited me to do things via Discord, but I think that online relationships are the worst kind of relationships to have. Maybe I put up a wall when it comes to online relationships, but I wouldn’t be opposed to a relationship in person?

I think that’s why I don’t want to open up to J., because I know that he’s the type of person where he will want to do something to help me. He lives in Canada, I don’t want to become closer to him!

And we don’t even talk with our vocal chords. We log messages into a server and we later interpret those messages and derive sentiment and blah blah blah. Stupid way of conversing. So stupid!

I don’t want that and I don’t need it. I need in-person talking and all the nuance that comes with being a person with a body. I want hugs and high-fives and smiles and laughs. Fuck text chat.

So yeah, I think I will be able to sleep tonight, because I am not feeling lonely today after having spoke with three of my family members. It was easy, just a 5 minute conversation per person and that’s all I need!

My next goal is to figure out how to get that socialization need without having to rely on my family.

Goddamn, I love Mr. Beast videos. I haven’t watched the end of this video yet. I started watching this vid then Melody started streaming and I switched to her stream.

Ironmouse just got off so I’m going to watch the rest of this video once I go on break from writing.

Pomodoro is king!

Today I am having trouble with Reading, $30 income, cleaning, japanese, play, sticker, sbtp-loyalty, and TIL. (items on my daily progress chart)

Things that I have done today are yoga (3x), socializing, nutrution, ebay, meditation, bathing, exercise.

I’m working on Journalling and CoDA.

Oh yeah, yesterday I told J. that I was having trouble sleeping lately. I didn’t tell him the reason, but he suggested ASMR. I think that I could do sutra chanting because that often triggers my ASMR when I really allow myself to be vulnerable and I sing with all my passion and intention. Also I think I could benefit from JOURNALLING.

I have usually been journalling in the morning, and so when night comes around, I am just zoning out on the computer, hopping between youtube, hackernews, and iwara.

Iwara not so much, but every now and then I gotta see some nekkid Miku fucking.

Not much though. I really don’t get horny that much. Maybe once a week. Usually once every two weeks. I just don’t wanna cum because of the dopamine rush I get. I feel like everything is good and I don’t want to work anymore. Being horny takes away from my pursuit of happiness and my work on SBTP, so I don’t like to go there.

Things will be different in the future. My goal is to

  • make bank
  • get girlfriend
  • fuck and cuddle
  • play games

Ehh… Maybe the girlfriend is not a goal. I’m so wish-washy when it comes to a girlfriend. I desire freedom so intently that I don’t really desire that kind of relationship.

Not right now, is what I should say. Right now, I’m working on myself and becoming the best version of me that I can become.

Crypton Future Media is streaming live on Twitch right now. I might have to catch that stream, as I believe it’s a continuation from last weekend’s stream which celebrates Miku’s 13th anniversary.

A multi-part VOCALOID concert spanning multiple weeks? Sounds like an enduring good time!

My thought train has ended. I’m taking my break 2 minutes early.

I ate a really big dinner! I told myself that I deserve it, and I ate a bunch of chocolate and peanut butter granola, avocado salad with leftover quinoa & onion, and a handful of dried cranberries.

I was planning on saving that chocolate granola for Monday, but I was still hungry after eating the last of my peanut & peanut butter granola so I dug into the chocolate almond granola. YUM! I’m really a fan of the brand Bear Naked.

I’ve only had this brand a couple times, but I’m REALLY loving their recipe. I didn’t have the one pictured above because it has Honey, but I couldn’t find an exact picture. The picture is just there so I can get the point across.


Actually there is honey in the peanut butter one that I got. I don’t care that much about honey though, so I ate it. Honey is in a weird grey area in veganism. Panera bread considers honey to be a vegan ingredient.

When it comes to choosing what kind of lifeforms I will consume to survive, I’ve always drawn the line at whether or not that lifeform has a brain. Insects don’t have brains, they have neural networks or something. I forget the word.

Maybe I need to do some research. Maybe bees have brains?

IDK. I don’t get honey on purpose. I’ll eat it but I won’t seek it out. I just didn’t read the ingredients label thoroughly.

I say that like I have to defend myself from some swarm of judgemental, militant vegans. I don’t think I need to defend myself in this way. I think I live a good life and that’s all I should care about.

Anyway, on to CoDA!

I fapped. It started when I got distracted. I didn’t want to do CoDA 30q, I wanted to do research! I heard that Silvervale had a chaturbate account, so I wanted to confirm. FOR THE record, I think Silver’s avatar is an UGLY BOOB MONSTER and everytime Ironmouse raids Silver’s stream, I get grossed out and I leave right away.

But… Mousey has been playing games with friends lately, and one of the voices I hear via Mousey’s stream belongs to this really sweet and caring personality.


My prejudices against her were unfounded (as all prejudices are!) and I wanted to see hear Silver masturbating and cumming. That sounds so HOT! Fuck her avatar, though.

I discovered a V-Tuber climaxing on xvideos, but it’s either an old avatar, or not silver at all. IDK, but it was an energetic, cute fap and I went down a porn rabbit hole.

Silver doesn’t post her porn publically like Melody does. Patrons only! I started thinking… I could watch any porn, so why watch Silver who’s body I find repulsive?

I looked for Miku vids instead. Nothing I haven’t seen! Ooo, Pixiv! I hadn’t been on there in awhile. I hadn’t masturbated all day, but all bets where off as soon as I went to the Discover page and started favoriting any illustrations with a cute sexy Miku with little clothing or an up-skirt view.

So I fapped and I came and I smiled and I laughed.

I had to defend myself. “It’s okay, it’s the weekend!” I worked hard all week and I deserve a little sexy fun time every now and then!

I knew I was about to resume the mindless news scrolling and YouTube consumption, so I immediately turned my computer off.

I’m writing this section of today’s post with my wonderful LAMY Al-Star! The ink was all dried at the tip and it wasn’t flowing very well at first. Three pages in now, and it’s flowin’ like dirty jokes from Ironmouse!!❤️

LOL I love Ironmouse so much!!! I think Ironmouse might have dirty vids on her Patreon… She has suggested such multiple times to viewers who make demands such as, “show your tits!” One more reason for me to become a patron!!

That’s a ways off, though. First I have to support myself. Mousey cannot come before my higher power or myself. If I did allow her to be a higher priority than god or me, it would be an unhealthy relationship, and I wouldn’t want that, and I know mousey wouldn’t want that either.

First, I gotta become profitable. Second, I gotta reliably reproduce that profit. Third, I gotta find me a better place to live. Somewhere that I don’t feel oppressed. Somewhere that I can be myself…

I think there’s a flaw in my thinking there. I have the idea that I cannot be myself where I am now. That’s false.

OK well anyway, Maybe it’s the first and second prerequisites that I have to satisfy before I can financially support mousey. IDK… More thought on that is required!!!

I think I’m ready for bed now. I didn’t get to CoDA today, but that’s okay. Today was a great day regardless.


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