Sun Dec 1 2019


Written on Sun Dec 1 2019 @ 11:30 AM PST

Family Mart Hatsune Miku figurine is completely adorable!

Now I feel like a dog. But can you blame me? Miku’s figure is so impossibly perfect, I can’t help but get turned on.

You know what Miku rarely shows off? Her ears. She wears headphones in probably 90% of her outfits.

I don’t really mind, but ears can be really cute. If hers are regularly hidden, I guess it only makes ear reveals that much more special.

I wonder if Miku’s tights ever get uncomfortable to wear. They usually cinch tight against her thighs after all. I want to be there when Miku slips off her tights, revealing her firm legs. Now that would be special.

I guess I’m in full on horn dog mode. Whatevs. This 1500 words a day writing thing is supposed to be about me just writing whatever is on my mind. I was thinking yesterday that writing a journal like this has been helping me release pent up feelings of bitterness and grief.

By writing my feelings down in this blog, it feels as if I no longer have to hold on to those feelings. I can release them into the universe, and not be burdened by the constant negative thoughts they originally inspired.

Which is why I am continuing this journal exercise indefinitely. First of all, I would love to turn blogging into a career. I couldn’t think of a more perfect job. All I would be is be my complete and total self. All I would do is write what I’m thinking. If I could monetize that, it would be an absolute bliss.

It’s already habit, writing 1500 words. It is a challenge at times, and others it comes super easy. The challenges come when I allow myself to become distracted with my inbox, Twitter, YouTube etc. I can’t get a good flow of thought when I don’t focus on the task at hand.

The easy times come when I am excited about what I’m writing about. Be it Hatsune Miku, or some new project idea I come up with.

Speaking of projects, I have two this month.

I want to talk about rent after this. Just making note here.

One sec, gotta start my laundry.

I think I should bump up my daily word count to 1666. This way, I’ll end up writing 50,000 words a month. This number is consistent with NaNoWriMo’s required novel length. Not that I’m writing novels now, but it will prepare me for the next time I do want to write a novel.

I think 1500 words is very doable every day. I think a certain flow occurs for me at around 1300 words anyway, so I would like to extend the duration of that flow by increasing my required word count.

I already went a month of writing 1500 words a day, so I think it is only natural to increase that number to challenge myself some more.

I think I missed a couple days of writing. That’s okay though, I put my best effort in, and I think I only missed days when I was away from home and my schedule was not consistent.

Ok, back to the other notes I made. First I’ll cover rent. I have $100 in my checking account. It’s really time for me to face reality. I can’t keep living off of credit cards like I have been doing. I must get a job now, and work so I can support myself without increasing my debt.

It sucks. I’m afraid of working with people. I’m uncomfortable with the idea. I feel inept in my ability to collaborate with my peers. I know I will feel miserable at work.

To be clear, I am going to get a shit job. Minimum wage shit type job. Not a job I want. Because I haven’t worked through my social anxiety problems, I can’t get the job I want.

But at least I have some options. I signed up to be an Instacart shopper. I am ready to start shopping right away. Instacart pays pretty well compared to a lot of the other gig economy offerings. Instacart provides a job schedule that drivers sign up for, and usually keeps their shoppers busy for the entire duration.

I’m concerned about using my aging Chevy Suburban for the task. That’s the first thing I’m focused on phasing out, once I gain some capital.

I need $4000 to use as a down payment on a Tesla Model 3. I just gotta keep that in mind, and put away as much money as possible.

That brings me to rent. I can’t afford it. And November rent is past-due. I usually pay rent on the last day of the month. But I can afford it if I take into account the work I did for my dad last month. I worked a measly 17 hours during November. I get paid $16 an hour, so 17*17 is $272.

My rent is $400 a month for my studio apartment. $400-$272 = $128. So I only need to pay $128 if I tell my dad to keep the money I earned. The problem with the comes up. I only have $100 in my checking account.

Luckily, I have $200 in Paypal. Paypal won’t let me withdraw my money to my bank account for some reason, but I can still make payments and send cash. So I’m thinking I will send $128 via Paypal to my dad, and my November rent balance will be settled.

Remember I only have $200 in Paypal. I can’t do this trick again next month.

I have a $100 credit card payment in 2 days. I’ll be using my checking account money for this. I also have a $50 bill in my wallet that I will deposit into my checking account so I don’t overdraft.

Financially, this month will be tight. My christmas presents to people are going to be regifts or handmade items. I’m thinking paracord zipper pulls or lanyards.

I bought too much paracord… No orders on my Etsy shop! The excess inventory will be food for gifts, though.

Yeah, so money is tight. I’ll be finishing the first section of the brick retaining wall at R. this week. I should only need 2 days to complete it. After that, I gotta wait for the next section of dirt to be excavated before I can start on phase two.

After I finish phase 1, I’ll hop on Instacart and schedule my first shift. I’ll give it my best shot and see how it goes. I’ll be sure to write about it as well!

I may go to the employment agency as well. It depends on how Instacart goes. Maybe I should work 2 weeks at Instacart first, just so I get a handle on how it works, and see what the days working there is like. Instacart has a lot of appeal because I don’t have to deal with a boss. The app is my boss.

The only people I would have to interact with are the people I happen to cross paths with at the grocery stores, and the customers. I’m anxious about both types of people.

I’m anxious that there will be a problem. I won’t be able to find an item that the customer ordered. I’ll ask store staff where the item is. They’ll say they’re out. I’ll contact Instacart support. Support says nevermind that item. I deliver what I could find and the customer is upset about the missing item.

That’s a dumb fear. I did my best in that scenario and that’s all I can do. It’s funny how I’m talking about this in present-tense.

This is good. I hope I can not have these anxieties if I talk about them enough.

Let’s say I break down. My suburban engine blows up and I can’t make the delivery. I pull off the road and put my hazards on. I contact Instacart support. They send another driver to pick up my groceries. I’m penalized for not being able to finish the delivery.

The outcome of this is that I would sell my broken Suburban that day, and have a fully functioning, modern, fuel efficient Prius the next day. THIS IS A GREAT OUTCOME!

The Prius would just hold me over until I could get a Tesla, of course!

Well I feel better about that anxiety already!

I can’t think of any more horrific scenarios. More will come to me later and I’ll be sure to write them down.

Hmm… Oh yes, projects for this month.

Firstly, there is jepurdee. I was a little dismayed after playing Jackbox games at Kelly’s house on Thanksgiving. Those games are so high quality and refined! They really set a bar for me to reach.

I think I do it though. Correction, I know I can do it. I can make games that are as good or better than Jackbox games. The issue is resources. If I worked for Jackbox, I would get a paycheck. Working for myself, I get jack shit.

LOL that was a good joke. I’m proud of that one. And a little ashamed LOL.

My challenge is to create jepurdee, a Jeopardy clone, with fully functioning multiplayer support via the player’s smart phones. I’m almost there. I just have to make an effort every single day to complete a feature, iron the UI, correct the flaws, etc.

I can’t give up now. I’ve seen my competition’s work, and I know I can match it. I just have to keep going!

That’s project #1.

Project #2 is Advent of Code. It’s a code challenge that @ericwastl puts on every year. I’ve seen it 3 years in a row, not sure if it has been going longer than that or not. Anyway, it’s a great code challenge. I have not finished it ever. I could go back at any time and do past year challenges, but I haven’t put the time or effort into it.

I think finishing the challenge this year would look good in my portfolio. I would like to have that badge of honor.

I’m afraid I cannot finish. The whole goal of Advent of Code is to help improve programmer’s skills. The thing I’m afraid of is that I tend to quit when things get tough. I get discouraged, hopeless, miserable, depressed. And I quit and goto something fun.

I think some of the challenges will take significant amounts of time. 5+ hours of time per challenge in some cases. If I somehow finish, I’d be surprised if I finish within the month.

Oh yes, a new challenge unlocks every day up til December 25th.

This challenge isn’t like my jepurdee challenge. I have everything I need to complete the jepurdee challenge. Adventofcode on the other hand, I don’t think I have everything I need. I need to know better ways to write control flow code. I need to know more algorithm code. I need to know more math.

I guess it’s the same root challenge, though. As with the jepurdee project, I simply cannot give up on Adventofcode. If I give up, that’s when I have failed. I need ruthless persistence if I want to finish Adventofcode. If I don’t know something, I have to take a break and read some technical articles. I have to take a break and improve myself to the point where I do have everything I need.

This is a big challenge. I am unsure if I can do it. I’m hesitant to try.

I can at least guarantee I’ll do adventofcode’s day 2 challenge. I already completed day 1 challenge. I It unlocks in 8 hours.

So yeah, I guess I’ll just take it one day at a time.


Oh yeah, I almost forgot. 3 things I’m grateful for.

I’m grateful for my friend D. He was concerned about me when I left Kumoricon early. He has been patient with me and persistent in getting me to get out and do fun things.

I’m grateful for my friend P. I don’t know a whole lot about P, but we seem to enjoy many similar tropes in anime. His passion for biology is evident, and he is fun to play Weiss Schwarz with.

I’m grateful for Mr. Rogers. I’m reminded of him by Tom Hank’s portrayal in the 2019 film that I can’t remember the name of. I remember watching Mr. Rogers on TV as a kid. I always appreciated his gentle kindness.

Looking for VOCALOID trading cards?

Check out Sakura Blossom Trading Post