Sun Feb 23 2020

I didn’t reach my target word count yesterday. I wrote for about 15 minutes or so, then I was too tired to write anything further.

I blame sleep schedule madness.

I need a job. I am nearing the point where shit is going to come collapsing down on me. Credit cards are maxed out…

I’m keeping my eye open for a fun part time job.

Yesterday sucked. It was fun to play Carcassonne and Lucidity with D., but I didn’t meet my goal of being part of the group. I guess we talked a bunch which was nice. I guess didn’t really talk, I just listened. I was so uncomfortable around everyone!

This is a fun game and I would like to play it again. It’s B.’s game so that kinda sucks. Maybe I’ll buy my own copy someday.

A few people in the comments of that video complained about the player cards not having pits which the dice fit in and prevent the dice from accidentally rotating. That’s a pretty good idea! I did a quick searcon on DDG, Etsy and Gametrayz to see if anyone had made that sort of addon. Looks like they haven’t!

This absense of such product might be a prime target for creating my own! I could make such an expansion/addon out of laser cut wood, delrin, or acryllic sheets. I have experience in that area from when I made the laser cut panel mount for Controlpointer.

Right now I’m thinking that a clear acrylic enclosure would be perfect. It could have a large slot in which the Lucidity player card slides in and gets locked in place, then it would have cutouts on top for the dice to slip into and get locked in place.

The hardest part would be designing the cutouts so they match up with the player card. To do that, I suppose I could simply scan the player card and then draw the cutouts superimposed over the scan in inkscape.

That doesn’t sound hard now that I rationalize it. The hardest part would be getting my ass down to Spokane Create so I could use their lazer cutter. I would have to find someone to help me use the laser cutter, and do that social dance.

I would have to figure out the perfect spacing for the dice size, I’d have to get the perfect laser cutting speed, I’d have to find acryllic of the appropriate thickness…

Ponoko would be easier in that respect. I’d like to use Ponoko but they’re expensive. I suppose either way I would pay, whether it be DIY at Spokane Create, or via Ponoko.

It would be nice to have a laser cutter. To keep the cost affordable for players, I think I’d have to have my own laser cutter. Otherwise, Ponoko jobs would eat up my profits.

I’ll have to keep that in the back of my mind. Firstly I need my own copy of Lucidity so I can make measurements and stuff.

Lucidity is a fun game. I want to play it again and share it with my family.

I got my Death Note DVD back from B. I didn’t think I’d ever see it again. I promptly listed it on eBay because I’m broke! It’s a great movie though. Now that I think about it, I don’t even have a DVD reader so there’s not much reason for me to hold onto any DVDs.

I’ve been thinking… What if I just sold everything I own? Would I have enough money to not have to work? I don’t want to work. I really really really don’t want to work. I want to make money by doing fun shit on the computer like selling P-Memories cards and coding P-Memories deck building websites.

I wanna work on my P-Memories scraper. I’m excited to continue that and make it a really solid piece of software.

So far, it has unit tests, integration tests, a command line interface, and good documentation. I made documentation with jsdoc, but I haven’t generated documentation pages yet. I think I will add a npm script for that exact purpose.

I haven’t used jsdoc before. I’ve written loads of documentation for methods in my javascript code in jsdoc compatible sytax, but I’ve never gone as far as rendering documentaiton pages for them.

I will break some new ground in that respect, as I would like this project to be really nice and approachable for contributors and people looking to hire me.

I’m making precious-data my featured project in my portfolio, because it shows a lot. It shows my coding skills, my documentation and test writing skills, and it shows my interests in anime, Japanese language translation, and trading card games. 3 bangs for my buck!

There’s an energy drink named Bang. Were the creators thinking of certain expressions when they named that drink?

Bang as in fuck, or bang as in buck? Or both? Who the fuck knows.

I wanna play Lucidity again.

Speaking of drinks, lots of people at the game meetup had drinks. Sodas, energy drinks. Every time I go to the game store, I always forget to bring water. I ended up buying Cougar ICE, bottled water which appears to be a local brand which supports WSU Cougars team. I like the bottle. It’s got a slight blue hue and it’s thick plastic. It’ll hold up a lot longer than the Kirkland bottled water bottle I’ve been lugging around and refilling. I got that bottled water from group therapy.

I wonder if I could figure out a way to recycle my own plastic. Then I could make shit out of that recycled plastic. Like lucidity dice holder trays! LOL, that would probably not be within my skillset. I probably couldn’t get the plastic clear enough and consistent enough to where it wouldn’t look like a melted pile of garbage.

It might be cool to make shopping bags or something like that. Trendy recycled shopping bags which I could sell to people at flea markets!

I’m just brainstorming things that I could make money from that are free up front.

I’ve been avoiding my feelings the past few days. I’ve been distracting myself with Ravenfield, YouTube, etc. I think I’m feeling… angry. I’m angry that my sleep schedule is so fucked up, and I’m angry that I can’t sleep when I want to. If I get a part time job, I’m sure to stress out at night and not sleep well, and the job is going to be DOOMED.

I’m therefor implementing PROJECT DONOTHING.

Project DONOTHING is not a project to do nothing. I will be working hard, listing on eBay, and coding up a storm. I will pull myself up with my bootstraps (is that how the expression goes?) and I will make a website worth people’s time and energy. I will make a P-Memories deck builder which English speaking players will not be able to do without. It’ll have an affiliate marketing monetization scheme which links to cards players are interested in.

Why am I even talking about this? Talk is cheap, I want to work on it!

Maybe this is delayed gratification in action. Maybe I’m training myself to be a better worker by planning and calculating my actions before I carry them out.

Today before I code, I want to…

  • Journal 2000 words.
  • Read >=1 page in 5 books.
  • List P-Memories cards on eBay.

I thought of something while I just brushed my teeth. Since I’m wanting to write a novel a year for the rest of my life, but just one more seems daunting as fuck, I think I’ll practice creative writing a little bit in my journal every day. Or every other day. I’ll just make it enough of a habit to where I can’t help but write a full novel by the time it’s National Writing Month this year.

Before I get to that, i want to bring up something which is bothering me. I was babied by my friend D. Co-dependency in action. I didn’t ask for it. When I bailed out of Cards Against Humanity, he followed me. I didn’t expect him to. I was ready to sit in the corner and write in my journal until they were done with their hand.

Fuck me.

I’m so uncomfortable writing about this. I was embarrassed. That’s why I said sorry. I shouldn’t have apologized and I shouldn’t have jumped into the game. The two adjoined tables were full already. That was too many people to play Cards against Humanity. I didn’t want to sit on the end, which is where I ended up.

I was not loose, I was tense. I was not drunk. I was sober. Cards Against Humanity is the type of game that requires looseness or drunkenness to be enjoyable.

Physical vulnerability was that I was tired and hungry. I hunched over. I avoided eye contact. I had the urge to run. The feeling is fear.

I didn’t want to do opposite reaction. I didn’t want to play a game and read cards with sexual acts with a group of strangers. I knew this at the start but I didn’t do anything about it. I didn’t want to feel the shame of saying no, so I went with the flow and played with the people inviting me.

Then I bailed out, unsurprisingly, because I didn’t want to play in the first place and I was uncomfortable.

I didn’t want to exercise opposite action. I wanted to play an all-ages board game and break the ice that way.

The ice never got broken, LOL. I was buttoned up tight the whole time. Anyway, I’ll have another shot next week. We’re going to play Mahjong. I met E. who also goes to Spokane Buddhist Temple. He’s an interesting guy, he lived in China for awhile. Apparently he enjoys horror games the most. I wonder if I could get him to play Lucidity! That game has some horrific artwork.

Ok I wrote about the most pressing thing that was bothering me. I suppose I can move on now. I think there is something else which is bothering me, but I’m suppressing it. Maybe meditation is required to bring it up.

Oh, today is no service service at Spokane Buddhist Temple. I don’t want to go. I really don’t want to socialize right now. I had a bad experience yesterday and it’s turned me off to any more socialization. Perhaps I haven’t exercised enough in the past few days. I only had about 10 minutes of yoga yesterday because I woke up at 10:30, just an hour and a half before the game day started.

10 minutes is not enough. That’s like 1 sun salutation, which is more of a warmup, not really an exercise.

Well, today I’ll go exercise at about 7, and see how I feel after that. I haven’t committed to going to SBT today, but I do have a bag of hand warmers that I was planning on donating. They expire this year, and I have no plans to use them. Even with this bag donated, I’ll still have several more hand warmers for myself. I don’t really use chemical hand warmers at this time; I don’t have a need for them.

It would be good to donate them.

Ok, so PROJECT DONOTHING is living exactly how I want to live. I will work hard, but I will work my way. I want to make just enough money to pay rent and expenses and occasional fun things, but no more. And the way I can do this is by getting government benefits such as food assistance, disability checks, etc.

I’ll get enough of those things to where I can continue living here. Perhaps I can qualify for a cheap apartment somewhere? I don’t know. Maybe this is not a good idea. I’d rather support myself with my work than have to jump through hoops to get government money coming my way. And there are probably downsides such as having to answer to gov’t inquiries about my private life, etc.

I need a better project name. DONOTHING sounds like I’m just trying to be lazy. I’m not trying to be lazy. I’m trying to do what everyone else does– provide for themselves. The difference is that I want to do what I’m good at– Fringe software development.

I can’t find an employer who aligns with my interests, so I’m going to make my own market and my own revenue.

That’s the goal anyway.

I’m at 2000 words now so I’m ducking out. Here’s some creative writing, gratitude, and affirmations to end out the post.

The dim list room was covered in dust, apparent from the cloud of particulate and clean space left by the old leather bound books which had just fallen off the robust mahogany shelf.

"Would it kill you to grab a duster every now and again?" The detective said as he removed his sunglasses, squinting to avoid the dust.

"Eh, I figure the whole place will burn down eventually. No point cleaning what's just going to turn to a pile of ash." Geoffrey replied with a shrug.

Geoffrey halfhazardly rose from his crouch, causing his inverted blue tie to slide from his shoulder and re-assume it's position atop his mechanical heart and his stained white shirt.

The detective walked into the bulk of the room with one hand in his pocket. A single angled sun beam shining in through a crack in the white painted brick wall illumniated the dust which wafted upward.

I’m getting anxious about writing. I have to describe the room they’re in, but I don’t know How to describe the room with style. It’s Geoffrey’s cluttered, dusty office. It’s got desks covered in papers. There is no deskspace left. There isn’t a single window or light source in the place. The only light coming in is in the wall near the top of the high-ceiling room where the wall is cracked. There are ceiling fans that aren’t turned on. The light switch doesn’t work. There’s no electricity in the building.

The floor is hard, sturdy. It doesn’t creak when you walk on it. It’s hard and cold as stone, but it’s not stone. It’s white. Marble like, but not so expensive. It’s something synthetic, like a melamine. It’s not shiny because it hasn’t been polished in years. It’s not nearly as dusty as the shelf because it gets swept on occasion.

The detective makes some more jests about Geoffrey’s dingy office. Geoffrey shrugs it off because Geoffrey doesn’t care about the space. Geoffrey only cares about his work.

That writing style is much easier to write! I’m explaining a story, but not getting very involved in the nitty gritty inter-personal shit which I’m not familiar with and can’t well simulate. Maybe I can write like that? Maybe that’s a sort of writing style I can shine at? I’ll just let the reader imagine the dialog, which makes it more immersive? IDK, I’ll try that some more during my next writing session.

I’m grateful for Dragon Parlor Games because it’s a nice facility at which to play games with friends. I’m grateful for e-Commerce because I can make money and buy things and it’s really easy. I’m grateful for sleep because I would become a monster without it.

17. I can find peace through prayer and meditation.
43. I choose to have the strength to move on to healthier relationships.
44. I deserve to have good things in life.

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