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Mon Jun 22 2020
I forgot to write yesterday. Or rather, I spent very little time on the computer. I did laundry and chilled with my family. I had a Zoom call with my therapist this morning. We talked about what I felt last week during the time when I tried to sell my Suburban. Apparently I have made […]
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Thu May 28 2020
Polkadot launched today. I watched this entire video and I still don’t know what I can do with it or why I should care. It’s a well produced video and evokes feelings of awe and inspiration, but I’m not seeing any meat and potatos content which actually tells me what Polkadot is. Just another blockchain. […]
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Thu Apr 30 2020
I woke up this morning feeling very tired. I had a hard time opening my eyes and getting out of bed. I’m definitely hung over from playing Minecraft last night. I was tired but I played anyway. It was a fun time. I got made fun of for my rudimentary and unpleasant looking sky bridges. […]
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Sat Apr 18 2020
I’m avoiding my feelings again. My dad and R. are out back, doing cleanup and removing the sand bag bunkers. I went outside to take the mail to the box and my dad sad, “hi”. I nervously said, “hi” in return, simply copying what my dad said. I always do that. I don’t speak unless […]
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Thu Apr 16 2020
10:58 PM. Just woke up. Sleep schedule is becoming rather humorous! Whatevs, it’s a crazy time right now and I really only have two scheduled events per week that I want to be on time for. That’s my call with my therapist and my video game session on tuesday or wednesday. This week I showed […]
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Thu Mar 12 2020
Greetings and salutations. Last night, I started to play Squad but then I got peer pressured into being commander and I got overwhelmed and stressed out and I couldn’t handle the pressure or the need to give orders. I hit Alt+F4 and turned off my PC and went to bed. I was bummed out but […]
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Wed Mar 11 2020
My back hurts. Too many hours hunched over my desk trying to see the monitor more clearly as I play Squad. I slept like shit because I ate too much, too soon before bed. The past few times I’ve played squad, it really wasn’t fun. I’ve just been a bullet magnet. I think it’s because […]
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Fri Mar 6 2020
Ok the past few days have been sub 2000 words and it’s no big deal. I deserve a break and I deserve self-care and I deserve to be well and happy. Actually I don’t want to be happy all the time. It’s something I’ve thought about quite a bit. If I were happy all the […]
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Wed Mar 4 2020
Yesterday started off so well, but ended up being one of my worst days in many weeks. The contemplation of suicide returned. I missed CoDA. I missed video games with Matt. I was so angry and lonely. The thought of being around people was unacceptable, because I would only come across as angry. People stay […]
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Thu Feb 27 2020
I slept through video game time again. I woke up at 1AM. One hour later than yesterday. See what I mean? I can’t help my schedule drift. It drifts about 1 hour a day which means every 12 days my schedule is completely backwards. Perhaps it’s because I’m too sedentary. Even though I have been […]
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Tue Feb 25 2020
I couldn’t sleep. Fuck me. I’ve got something on my mind that is bothering me, and I’m distracting myself rather than dealing with it. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it is the money situation. It’s probably the money situation. I wanna sleep, but I don’t think I’ll be able to wake up in […]