Paying rent yesterday was painful. I have so little money to spend on myself, and I spend a huge chunk of my income on rent. I loot at my upcoming expenses and I realize that I can’t spend money on myself at all. I have food stamps for food, and…
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Strange and disturbing dreams today. I was back in school and there was an annoying skinny kid in the class. I was busy working on a new revision of a MIDI interface prototype that I was making for a client. I was trying to figure out how to use the…
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I forgive myself. I just want to start with that. Had a call with my therapist K. this morning. I started out the call in bad place, and I ended the call in a bad place. I woke up at 9AM and I took the garbage to the street, and…
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2020202020202020 I hear that a shelter in place order is going to occur soon. I guess I need to get some rice. I wonder if my EBT card has a balance yet? Yup, it has a balance now. It just got reloaded yesterday. Interestingly, the website shows the past several…
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Group therapy is cancelled. Individual therapy is changed to phone-only, as FBH is closing their doors to the public. Wild shit. Is COVID-19 really this bad? There have been 18 corona viruses before it, but somehow #19 is this huge threat? I don’t understand. I wonder if this is an…
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Good morning! Last night I got hella high. The computer high, as in the shit I do when I let my computer addiction run wild. I don’t even feel bad about it, which is a really nice for a change. So I was angry yesterday early. I was angry that…
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Ok the past few days have been sub 2000 words and it’s no big deal. I deserve a break and I deserve self-care and I deserve to be well and happy. Actually I don’t want to be happy all the time. It’s something I’ve thought about quite a bit. If…
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3:12AM. Just woke up. Yesterday was rather productive. I sold 3 P-Memories cards to a buyer for $11 plus $1.10 shipping. I packaged up those cards and a VHS rewinder that I sold. I built an app prototype that I had thought of years ago. I read a chapter in…
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I couldn’t sleep. Fuck me. I’ve got something on my mind that is bothering me, and I’m distracting myself rather than dealing with it. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it is the money situation. It’s probably the money situation. I wanna sleep, but I don’t think I’ll be…
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I want to write a new novel. How cool would it be to be an author? Wait a minute, I’m already an author. Let me rephrase. How cool would it to be a prolific author? Like, a novel a year for the rest of my life? That would be something.…
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My therapist took me on as my CoDA “pseudo sponsor” until the time when I find a sponsor of my own. Last Friday she gave me a list of questions which I am supposed to ponder on and answer at our next meeting, this Friday at 9:30AM. The questions are…
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