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Fri May 1 2020
Paying rent yesterday was painful. I have so little money to spend on myself, and I spend a huge chunk of my income on rent. I loot at my upcoming expenses and I realize that I can’t spend money on myself at all. I have food stamps for food, and no money whatsoever for anything […]
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Sat Apr 4 2020
Strange and disturbing dreams today. I was back in school and there was an annoying skinny kid in the class. I was busy working on a new revision of a MIDI interface prototype that I was making for a client. I was trying to figure out how to use the CAD software to extrude a […]
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Fri Apr 3 2020
I forgive myself. I just want to start with that. Had a call with my therapist K. this morning. I started out the call in bad place, and I ended the call in a bad place. I woke up at 9AM and I took the garbage to the street, and some packages to the mailbox. […]
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Fri Mar 20 2020
2020202020202020 I hear that a shelter in place order is going to occur soon. I guess I need to get some rice. I wonder if my EBT card has a balance yet? Yup, it has a balance now. It just got reloaded yesterday. Interestingly, the website shows the past several transactions, including the rejected transaction […]
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Wed Mar 18 2020
Group therapy is cancelled. Individual therapy is changed to phone-only, as FBH is closing their doors to the public. Wild shit. Is COVID-19 really this bad? There have been 18 corona viruses before it, but somehow #19 is this huge threat? I don’t understand. I wonder if this is an overreaction? Well, this is life […]
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Sun Mar 15 2020
Good morning! Last night I got hella high. The computer high, as in the shit I do when I let my computer addiction run wild. I don’t even feel bad about it, which is a really nice for a change. So I was angry yesterday early. I was angry that I didn’t wake up early […]
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Fri Mar 6 2020
Ok the past few days have been sub 2000 words and it’s no big deal. I deserve a break and I deserve self-care and I deserve to be well and happy. Actually I don’t want to be happy all the time. It’s something I’ve thought about quite a bit. If I were happy all the […]
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Fri Feb 28 2020
3:12AM. Just woke up. Yesterday was rather productive. I sold 3 P-Memories cards to a buyer for $11 plus $1.10 shipping. I packaged up those cards and a VHS rewinder that I sold. I built an app prototype that I had thought of years ago. I read a chapter in I thought it was Just […]
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Tue Feb 25 2020
I couldn’t sleep. Fuck me. I’ve got something on my mind that is bothering me, and I’m distracting myself rather than dealing with it. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it is the money situation. It’s probably the money situation. I wanna sleep, but I don’t think I’ll be able to wake up in […]
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Thu Feb 20 2020
I want to write a new novel. How cool would it be to be an author? Wait a minute, I’m already an author. Let me rephrase. How cool would it to be a prolific author? Like, a novel a year for the rest of my life? That would be something. Then if or when a […]
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Wed Feb 19 2020
My therapist took me on as my CoDA “pseudo sponsor” until the time when I find a sponsor of my own. Last Friday she gave me a list of questions which I am supposed to ponder on and answer at our next meeting, this Friday at 9:30AM. The questions are as follows. What is the […]