Thank you for electing me president.

 

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Thank you for electing me as President of the United States. Now that I’m in power, I’d like to recognize some wrongdoings in recent history. I think someone made a mistake on whitehouse.org and mislabeled, “THE PUBLIC SERVANTS” as “THE ADMINISTRATION.” Sorry about that, I’ll have that fixed ASAP.

Hmm, you know what? That might actually not, “correct the course” if you catch my drift, BAHAHAHAHAH…

You see, I don’t believe representative government is a practiced thing or even possible. It might work at first, but sooner or later I’m sure I’ll get so drunk on power, I’ll do things you wouldn’t have me do as your representative. To make sure that doesn’t happen, I’m just going to take this precaution– I can’t and won’t represent you.

I guess I’ll just peacefully dissolve the federal government, and you can govern yourselves.

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