Thu Dec 12 11:11 AM PST

I had some really nice dreams last night.

In the first dream, I was young and in middle school. I was walking home when I saw a girl struggling with something. I can’t remember exactly what it was. She dropped her book bag maybe. I stopped and offered to help. She said thanks and we went our separate ways.

The next day, I’m at school and the same girl approaches me and cheerily says because of my kindness, she’s my girlfriend now. I’m surprised but she’s really cute so I accept. We are in the same class and the bell rings. I say we should hold hands and walk through the halls. She is a little embarrassed but agrees.

We walk for a few meters through the crowded halls and it feels a little awkward to walk hand in hand because we have to walk single file through the crowds. The girl gets anxious and says she needs to be free and just follows me instead. I agree that the hand holding is uncomfortable. We walk home together and she gives me a feeling of love.

The next dream is me working at Putters. I worked at Putters in 2006-2007 and to this day it’s been the best job I ever had. Anyway, in this dream I’m putting away dishes behind the counter when two customers approach. I usually got scared of helping customers but I knew what to do so I didn’t let myself be frightened. The Putters employee who was working the counter saw the customers from the distance and hurriedly returned to the counter to help them, but I went ahead and stepped in because I was already there.

I greeted the customers and asked them how I could help. Their order didn’t make any sense at first. Just a mess of sounds. I think I realized this subconsciously and corrected their order for them.

I’d like some Mediterranean tomatos, a Sapporo, and a pizza.

I went on to explain that we only have one kind of tomato, and the way we serve them normally is by slicing them and arranging them on a pizza. They were fine with that. I didn’t seem too concerned about the Sapporo. Maybe in this dream version of Putters, they had Sapporo beer.

The dream ended there. It was nice being able to help a customer without completely losing my shit. I even asked for clarification on the pizza they wanted, because it wasn’t immediately obvious. Way to keep a cool head, dream Chris!

Today I am excited to do nothing. Yesterday, I did quite a bit. Firstly, I tried to make it to my therapy appointment but almost slid off the road because of fresh compacted snow on the road. Then I called in and cancelled because I didn’t feel safe. Then I went home and blogged, studied Japanese, walked, worked on Jepurdee, then got a text from my dad that he wanted help painting.

A lot of the snow had melted by that point (4PM) so I felt okay driving. It made me feel a little worse about missing my appointment. I shoulda tried harder to make my appointment, even if I was late. I have 4 wheel drive after all.

Also, I checked the status of my auto insurance. It’s still active, although I owe around $300 which is due on the 28th. So I can still drive and it wouldn’t be a big deal if I got pulled over.

If I got pulled over without auto insurance, my Suburban would probably get impounded. I don’t know if I would even try to get it out of the impound at that point, because the fees to get auto insurance again, as well as pay the impound fees would likely be around $1000. I don’t have that kind of money.

If I’m talking net worth, I’m in the red. I was a little pleased to know that compared to some of the people in my life, my net worth is actually a lot higher. I have avoided debt for most of my life, so I guess I’m in an okay place financially.

K’s boyfriend E. said his net worth is -$100K. That’s pretty significant. I’m sitting at maybe -$1K, which I guess I can be thankful for? By no means I want to catch up to E. He has a different way of living than I. His way of living is fine, but it’s not for me.

My frenemy B. says she will be in debt for the rest of her life. She’s just accepted the fact. She doesn’t seem to want to do anything about it. It’s one more reason I don’t want to hang out with her anymore. She’s a bad influence in that respect.

I watched a Joe Rogan clip where he ranted on happiness. I wish I could find the source clip so I could watch the whole conversation between him and whoever it was on the show who had spent some time as a monk in a monastery.

I’ll share the clip.

I bring this up because I’m a fan of Joe. He’s just got his shit together. When he was younger, he knew what he wanted and he just went for it. It was hella risky and unconventional but he did what he loved. He found success being completely himself.

Anyway, I was inspired by Joe to be more healthy. Joe talks a lot about nutrition and exercise. Earlier in this blog post, I said I wanted to do nothing today. I can’t do nothing. I can relate to what Joe said in his happiness rant about how doing nothing invites depression.

Yesterday was a good day and I had no thoughts of suicide. I was busy from morning till night yesterday. I got exercise yesterday. I had social interaction and ate well yesterday.

So today, I’m not going to do nothing. That was never my plan really. I just didn’t plan on leaving the house today, but I was planning on keeping myself busy. My plan today is a little different.

Today I’m going to try what Joe does. He cyclic fasts. In the morning he has coffee before working out. I don’t have any coffee but I have tea and a B12 multivitamin. I’m going to have both those things before I go outside to walk. I’ll run if it’s not too slippery.

Then after 45 minutes to an hour of this, I’m going to go inside and shower. Then I’ll work on Jepurdee for 3 hours. Then I’ll take a break and go outside again for a walk.

I don’t think a rigid schedule is in my best interest. I think a todo list is better.

  • Blog
  • Japanese study
  • Tea & vitamin
  • Walk/run 45 mins
  • Jepurdee 3 hrs
  • Strength training 15 minutes
  • Jepurdee 3 hrs
  • Food
  • YouTube
  • Food
  • Project Diva

That’s my rough plan. Yes I want to add strength training. Perhaps I should group that into my walk/run session? Joe does his workout in the mornings which seems to incorporate aerobic and anaerobic exercise. (cardio and strength training)

Tea time!

yum yum, that tea is perfect temperature since cooling for about 15 minutes! I’m drinking green tea. I bought a box of it from the grocery store. It has a panda bear mascot on the box. it says, “Thé Vert”. Is that a brand? not really sure.

Just popped my B12 multivitamin as well. I’m getting low on these pills.

I would love to get some nootropics as suggested by Mr. Rogan. He takes these supplements called AlphaBrain. He says they make his brain feel like it’s running at a higher RPM and he is better able to put words together. He says he takes it before he does Mixed Martial Arts commendation.

I would like to try alpha brain at some point, but right now I’m afraid I cannot afford it. The big bottle is roughly $90 which lasts only 45 days. I wonder if it’s worth that price? I guess it would all depend on how I would use it. But I do wonder how it would make me feel.

I would also like to try microdosing mushrooms. There was a guy who researches the health effects of mushrooms on Joe Rogan Experience. I can’t remember his name off the top of my head, but that was a really interesting conversation. I don’t always listen to the whole conversation on JRE, but in this instance, I was really captivated and I listened to the whole thing.

First thing he did was he brought in some hats made from mushrooms. “German felt” as the material is also known as. It’s very flammable and absorbent so it saw use as fire starter and bandages during both world wars.

Anyway, the guy takes regular mushroom supplements. Lions Mane mushrooms apparently has some health benefits. Also psychedelic mushrooms in low doses aid with creativity and maintaining a mild temperament. Maybe I would not get stressed out so easily if I tried these?

Holy shit,, Paul Stament’s website.. Sells vegan, gluten free, paleo chocolate brownie mix! I’m so tempted to buy for Christmas!

K. and I could eat that!

omg I feel like throwing up. I think the vitamin and tea do not mix!

I stepped away from the computer and went poop. I feel slightly better now. I think I will go walk then finish this post afterwards. Feeling a bit dizzy. Maybe it’s the caffeine. I’m not used to drinking caffeine. Maybe it’s my persistent inner ear issue. It’s been a problem for several years, but luckily only occasionally does it flare up and cause me motion sickness.

Ok, going for a walk now!

Oh boy, that was a good workout. I ended up doing 20 laps around the campfire trail in the backyard. It took about 55 minutes. I was hyped up on caffeine so I did a lot of running for the first 10 laps, then I was winded after that so I walked for most of the remainder.

I added some strength training in there as well. Every lap, I would do one burpee. I could never imagine doing 20 burpees in a row right now, since my upper body strength is very low. But 20 burpees with a long break in between was very manageable!

My arms are feeling it now. They don’t burn, but they feel fatigued and it is difficult to lift my arms above my head.

After that workout, I took a shower and shaved. I don’t feel a need to shave today, since I don’t plan on going out, but I think it’s good to shave anyway since that’s one more thing that will keep me busy.

Is fighting off depression really just about keeping busy? I’d like to think there’s more to it than that. Maybe it’s the cumulative result of all the little things I’ve been trying to do differently.

I can’t say I’m not depressed anymore. I’m simply on a path that is an anti-depressant. Exercise, fulfilling tasks, social contact.

I don’t know if I have a plan to check off that social contact requirement for today. I guess if I get an invite to do something, I should quickly accept. If not, I’m not going to go out of my way to have some social contact.

Maybe I should. I’m not really sure.

One thing I do know is that Christmas Eve is 12 days away. There are still a lot of things I need to do to complete Jepurdee. I know I can do it if I just keep up my current pace!

My current pace is simply to make great progress every day. Lately if I see something in Jepurdee user interface that looks wrong, I don’t make a todo list and plan to fix it later. I fix it right then and there, then move onto whatever I think looks out of place next.

I do have a todo list for Jepurdee. It is a general list of top level things which need doing. “Implement Host Game Controls” for example. That issue has a lot of sub-issues, most of which are too small to create an entry in my issue tracker for. If I were working collaboratively, I would take a different stance on this topic. For now, Jepurdee is 100% made by me!

2000 words today! Before I go, I just want to end on a note of gratitude.

I’m grateful for my body. It is well to the point where I can do most things on my own. I don’t have any sort of handicap in this area. I am very blessed. I am tall and thin and I am grateful for that.

I am grateful for my hands. I know this falls under the category of the above, but I’m covering it anyway. I’m grateful that I have both hands. I’m grateful that I wasn’t stupid enough as a kid to blow them up with fireworks. I’m grateful that I can type 70 words per minute and my hands are generally healthy.

I’m grateful for my teeth. Again, same category as my first grateful item, but I guess that’s just today’s grateful topic. I’m grateful that my teeth can chew food for me, and that they are nice and straight. I have my parents and my orthodontist to thank for that. My dentist has done great work as well, keeping them clean. I really need to go to the dentist again, since some of my teeth have become too painful to brush. Anyway, I’m grateful none the less.

If I lose teeth, which I probably will due to bone loss in that department, I will be sad, but eventually I think it will be okay since I could always get some fancy artificial replacement grills!

Damn, I wanted to end on a grateful note. Oh well! See you tomorrow.

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