Thu Jan 7 2021

Someone wrote a mean comment on one of my blog posts. I’m feeling attacked and hurt, so I decided to write about it and process my feelings.

It’s okay to feel attacked and hurt. Having these feelings will help me get over it.

Here’s the thing. They’re comment doesn’t hold up to scrutiny. They didn’t like an opinion piece I wrote, and that’s okay. They could have just continued on, like 99% of the people out there who visit my blog, but they didn’t, probably because they are in a bad mood or in a bad headspace. Maybe they are angry about covid isolation and they are venting. Who the fuck knows what’s going on with them?

Maybe it’s time to disable comments on my blog? When was the last time when I thought, “man, I sure appreciate that comment! We had a great and engaging conversation via that medium.”

That time was never, because good conversations don’t come from comments!

Comments are where people post blurbs about what they thought. There’s sometimes thoughtful remarks, but often it’s outrage that causes people to comment. It’s just how the human brain works.

Maybe I’ll set myself a calendar reminder for when to disable comments. If people really want to get in touch with me, I have a whole contact page dedicated to that.

Having to go through extra hoops to initiate a conversation is probably the type of thing that would disincentive people from being mean in the first place. I know when I’m in a shitty mode, my patience goes out the window.

Is removing the comment system a bad idea? Is that the right response, given this situation? I certainly don’t want to retreat just because someone said something mean. It’s not my fault that they said something mean, it’s their fault. They chose to lash out when they could have simply clicked out of my blog after reading something they didn’t like.

I appreciate nice comments. I usually don’t reply to any comments at all, though.

Do I follow Joe Rogan’s advice to not read comments at all? I think at a certain point of gaining popularity, that is definitely the best thing to do.

Post and Ghost

Joe Rogan

What am I even getting out of the comments? I don’t reply to any of them. I occasionally receive comments from content that is years old, and completely off my radar. Such is the case for the nasty comment today. I’m not going to argue my point from an opinion I had a year or more ago. I totally could, especially if I still hold the opinion, but what’s the point? Are we going to be friends after I win the argument? Probably not. I think it’s a waste of time and energy to engage with this person, who like I said, is probably angry at something else, and using my comment system to vent their frustration.

I am going to review the comments that I have received in the last year, and summarize them.

That is… comments that weren’t spam!

Two were comments from a friend who said, “nice job!”, and a friend of that friend who commented to say,”this was cute!” on a Jamuary jam that I posted.

One of those comments was redundant, because my friend also expressed that sentiment to me via discord.

Then there was a comment from an anon on how to close firefox from the CLI regarding xdotool. “xdotool wins again. Thanks!”

There was also a comment on my how to do mortars post. “were you a mortarman in a previous life? I love your adaptation of …”

Again, I didn’t engage with any of these comments. It doesn’t make sense for me to do that for content which I wrote in the past, which has little relevance to my reality today.

If we were in person, we could talk and form a connection. Via text, what’s the fucking point? I already know how text-based relationships work. They’re shallow. Both sides prune their words to protect their self-image rather than being themselves. Fake, fake, fake.

LOL I just had a thought. What if the person who commented was someone I knew? What if I pissed them off and they’re attacking me out of frustration?

Again, I don’t think it’s worth my time and effort to engage with them. I don’t need to defend my points with someone who is clearly not interested in having a conversation. They’re mad and they’re going to be mad and do what they’re going to do. It’s out of my control and I want it to be out of my concern, as well.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

The serenity prayer

I think I am going to disable comments. Not today, but maybe a month from now. I’ll put a reminder in my calendar, “consider deleting comment system on”

I’m not going to decide now, because that would decision would be emotionally charged. I’m going to think about it for awhile.

I did some meditation. Lots of anxious and fearful emotions today. There’s a lot going on today. I have a tentative video call with my friend at 6. He hasn’t got back to me and I fear that I’ve been ghosted. I received the nasty comment today. I’m fearful for the economy as the capitol building in washington DC got raided by protesters. Martial law might be an option, if it weren’t for the fact that the president himself ordered the insurrection. Holy shit, this is wild. I wonder if Trump will pull a Putin and install himself as supreme ruler?

I don’t know what’s going to happen and I’m scared. I so desperately want to be a red piller. but after doing meditation and having a psychadellic experience last year, I’m pretty sure I’m a blue piller. I saw the fearful core of my animalistic instincts, and all I wanted was to seek comfort. As if seeking comfort is my prime directive as a living creature, how can I choose discomfort and choose the red pill?

I guess there’s more to this question than just comfort. I mean, me being willing to have more psychedelic experiences in the future says that I am indeed open to discomfort in exchange for unpleasant truth.

I used all my buying power in Robinhood to buy stocks in grocery markets, and home improvement stores. I think we might see another toilet paper run. I think the fear and uncertainty, along with anger and outrage that is going on in DC is going to spread.

Who the fuck knows? This is something that is completely new to me. Are we passing into the chaos, from our place of beaurocracy?

I wonder if I’m making the right choice in terms of business. Can collectible card sales really get me through this time? I’m having doubts.

During my meditation today, I came to terms with how so many things are out of my control.

What do I have in my life that I can focus on?

Surely there is something I can do, right now, that moves me forward towards my goals, and allows me to create value for people.

I’m sad that I am not financially stable. I am living in an apartment that was gifted to me by my parents. I pay rent now, yeah, but at the start, it was all a gift. I’ve been working so hard on eBay and code projects. I don’t have a lot to show for it, in terms of financial status.

How long must I go on like this?

I already know the answer to that question. It’s 3 years. 3 years is how long it takes the average company to turn a profit. I’m 1 year in at this point. It’s been hard, and it’s going to continue to be hard, and that’s okay. I want this work. I want this life and I want to see this through till the end.

Today’s emotional out pour is bringing up things that I’m not necessarily concerned with at the moment. It’s bringing up long-term concerns such as the collectible trading card business.

It’s going to be okay.

The things in my life that I can focus on are my DPC (Daily Progress Chart). That chart has all the things on it that I want to be working on, and progressing in. There are so many things I want to do, and my DPC is the way. Small, persistent progress will get me there.

If my friend doesn’t call this evening, that’s his choice. If I never hear from him again, that’s his choice too. If I get more mean comments from anons, that’s their choice. What can I do about it? What do I want to do about it?

I can do a lot of things about it. I want to do nothing about it. Should my tentative schedule fizzle out, I want to fill my schedule with something else that pleases me. If I read an angry comment, I want to process the feelings, then move on and seek out alternative relationships which are positive.

Today’s meditation soundtrack

I got this. I know me better than anyone. I’m not any of those things that the commenter said I was. I disagree on all points, and I wish we could have found some common ground instead of having a brief, one-way relationship consisting of anger and judgement.

Nature Healing Society. I like that. I’m glad that I took the time to take a walk today. I walked for 50 minutes outside, after I took packages to the mailbox. It was cool, and overcast. A fog rolled in.

Walking, Pondering, Journalling, Meditation (with tears), Internal detective work, and soothing music.

There is madness and insurrection in the world, but I am blessed to find inner peace.


38. Crying is like any bodily function. Sometimes, it’s exactly what I need.

46. I love who I am.
45. I release myself from my anger.

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