Thu Mar 26 2020

I received my 10,000 card sleeves yesterday. Did I mention that already? I can’t remember. I had the thought of sending this picture to my brother, but I held back because I felt like I was just flaunting. I hold back sharing a lot of things via SMS because I’d rather just bring it up in person.

There’s a flaw to that logic! We are on COVID-19 lockdown! There was a stay at home order from the WA governor a couple days ago. It’s really just business as usual with me.

I just had a thought. It’s ridiculous that I have to go through so many steps to transfer an image to my PC, or transfer an image to my phone to send. My phone should be an extension of my PC! I want to right click on an image in Nautilus and be able to SMS it to anybody in my phone. Ridiculous that the two are so separate when they are so similar!

I’m going to try GSconnect and see if it gives me the features I just mentioned.

Now I have an idea for a complete article. An article on how SMS and phone-only apps are ridiculous in year 2020!

I’m probably going to think on that for awhile before I write it, at all. Maybe I’ll just write it here and that will be today’s post!

Before I get to that, I’ve been putting together a list of browser first apps which are useful for social distancing. I set up an eBay affiliate account so I can add links to toilet paper and hand sanitizer for potential article monetization, haha!

I’ve seen an increase in traffic to my website the past few weeks. Around 400 visits a day! I hope to grow that number to 4000 a day! All it takes is adding useful articles one by one, increasing the amount of content and making the website a good resource for people with some sort of interest that is similar to my own.

I accidentally renewed I was ignorning the e-mails and I was going to let it expire, but I guess I had auto-renew enabled and I just got charged $12 for the renewal. I put the domain on sedoparking so maybe I can get a sale out of it. Not really counting on it. Same goes for I got no response from the flying deer nature observatory people that I e-mailed, so I just listed that on sedo as well. I would like $50 for either domain. I have more of an investment in xtoast, so I would like $200 for that, but again I’ll take what I can get, as long as it’s at least $50.

I went off on a tangent, and I don’t really care! SMS in 2020 is dumb and I’ll get back to that topic if I feel like it!

Right now I want to write about being angry. I’ve found myself being angry often as of late. I was angry yesterday when I wrote about my past and the things that cause me shame. I was angry this morning when I played video games with my best friend M. I was gunner on a BMP and I didn’t communicate my needs, and it put us in a vulnerable position among a squad of enemy infantry, and we got annihilated by anti tank units.

My needs were that I need a long shot and I need distance from the enemy. I didn’t communicate this and M. drove in closer than I was comfortable with. I didn’t have any visible contacts and I didn’t communicate that I wanted to reposition. M. saw an enemy that I didn’t. I needed a bearing but I didn’t ask for it.

I felt guilty of my performance, and I became angry. I let M. assign blame on himself for calling out, “front” and I must have been looking to the rear instead of the front. I didn’t correct him, even though the error was my own. I didn’t ask for a compass bearing instead of a direction reference which was relative to our vehicle. I failed to eliminate the enemy which I should have been able to easily do in our armored vehicle. I felt both guilt and shame and I shut down and became angry.

Again this morning I became angry after receiving an invoice for a domain I had intended to let lapse. I became angry after receiving a message from a customer who said their item arrived broken. They told a believable story, that the handle had broken off of a toy I sent in a bubble mailer. I was nervous about that handle when I shipped it, but took the risk and opted for a bubble mailer rather than a box. It could have really broken, or the motherfucker could have scammed me; I’ll never know for sure. The price point was not worth asking for photo evidence, so I just sent a refund and that was that.

The domain and the refund were financial hits that I wasn’t prepared for. I’m angry!

But, as is becoming clear, the anger fades once I recognize it, name it, and write about it. I have only the future to look forward to, and I have a lot to offer! Today my goal is to list 200 cards. Nah I think that’s too easy. I’m going to say 300 cards.

I’ve been receiving a lot of orders the past few days, mostly from categories other what would fall under Otaku merchandise. It’s going to be interesting to see what sort of items sell the most during this COVID-19 pandemic. I’m half tempted to go out and buy toilet paper from the store, with the sole intention of reselling it on eBay! I think I’ll opt out of doing that, however, as doing so incurs a vehicle expense that I’m not ready to make!

I still need to sell my vehicle. I’m prepared for my time with it to come to an end, and move on to the next thing.

As I say this, I’m half hoping that I can make a bunch of cash and keep it long enough to trade it in for a smart car. I’m really not sure what to. I think it’s a good idea to hold onto it during this pandemic time in case there is some shit that goes down that I need it for. Maybe an emergency displacement of a family member and their belongings, or hauling firewood or some shit. I think I’d rather sell it to someone who needs a vehicle, than hold onto it and deal with the expenses that it requires to stay operational.

I keep going back and forth on this. A vehicle is a big part of my life and it’s hard to let it go. More so, having to put up with price negotiations and meeting a stranger to do business… It’s a huge turnoff and I don’t even want to go there. The drop off at a dealership and trading it in for a vehicle I actually want is so much more appealing!

I think I’ll hold onto it and sell it as a last resort. I do have to cancel my auto insurance, though.

I just cancelled my auto insurance via chat. I owe $86 on that policy, but that number is better than the $200 that I had accrued.

I just had a thought. Maybe I’ve been angry on so many occasions lately because I’ve become physically stronger due to all the exercise I’ve been getting? Maybe when I get angry, it’s a good time to work out?

Fuck! That’s a catch 22 for exercise. Don’t exercise, and be sad. Do exercise, and be angry.

I just saw a fat Hatsune Miku video on my HDD and I got angry. Why the fuck did I download that? I must have downloaded the wrong video, or downloaded the video before I actually watched it. DELETED!

I don’t like big breasts. I don’t like fat. I don’t like obesity. These are my opinions and I’m not apologizing.


This is my journal I can write whatever the fuck I want to write! Don’t be fat! Don’t make fat Miku videos! Pick another character to devalue!

Aaand I’m angry again. I’m angry that it’s 2:03 PM and I haven’t exercised yet. I’m angry that I couldn’t sleep last night because I went to sleep early and slept until 12:30AM. I’m happy that I spent time with my friend M. after that, but I’m angry that I didn’t get up at 9AM and start my day then. Instead I waited until 11:45AM… Or was it 12:45? I can’t remember.

I’m angry that I had to cancel my auto insurance. I have a kickass rate and I pay like $100 a month. I doubt I’ll ever get that rate again because I’m no longer a long-time member.

I can probably get a good rate again. Especially knowing that I’ll have a different, more modern vehicle.

Bleh. I’m focking angry. I’m angry that I haven’t pooped yet. I’m angry that my apartment stinks like feet. I’m angry that I have to isolate myself from my friends and family. I’m angry that I was making such good progress on going to do things. Two different game groups, shame resilience, counseling, thrift shopping…

I’m having a bad start to my day, and I think I’m just looking for things to be angry about at this point. I want to finish writing 2000 words, but I think my efforts are for the wrong reasons right now. I’m angry and I have some physical vulnerabilities that are playing into that anger. I’m constipated. I’m stiff from sitting. I’m cold because my apartment is cold.

Time for self care.

I walked 20 laps. Mind completely elsewhere as I walked. I pooped and showered and shaved and I’m still angry. I don’t know why at this point. Just every little thing will trigger my anger.

I’m pretty fucking confused at this point. Is it because I didn’t stick to my desired sleep schedule? Is it because I’m lonely? Am I hungry? I don’t know. Maybe I’m hungry. I don’t feel hungry. I’m just fucking angry and I want to work.

Is that why? I’m angry because I’m late to start work? My goal of 300 listings today is going to be pretty fucking hard unless I start soon and commit to a long day. Late night.

4:43PM. I haven’t eaten today. I suppose that’s not accurate. I ate at 4AM after I took a break from Squad. After that, M. and I played checkers.

I want to play a game with friends. I think I am lonely. I was fantasizing about saying hi to the neighbor who walks his dogs by driving around the perimeter of his property on a four wheeler. He’s got 3 or 4 big dogs. They are well behaved and they don’t bark at me unless I’m running. It’s funny how a couple of them will see me and they stay behind as the man continues driving slowly on his ATV. They stare at me through the fence, looking completely fascinated by my presence. The man always calls out as he gets further ahead. “so-and-so, so-and-so, come on!” he will shout. Not like a mean shout like he’s angry, just a shout which as if to say, “come on team, let’s stay together.”

I’m outy here. Affirmations and gratitude inbound.

9. I refuse to give up because I haven’t tried all possible ways.
10. I will inhale confidence and exhale doubt.
11. I may be one in 7 billion but I am also one in 7 billion!

I’m grateful for linux because it gives me the freedom of modifying without the threat of legal action.

I’m grateful for optical computer mice because they’re way more efficient and accurate than obsolete ball computer mice.

I’m grateful for debit cards because they let me buy shit online.

Fuck! more words needed. I guess I’ll think of some more half-assed things to be grateful for.

I’m grateful for paper because I can write notes on it, cut it into pieces and use it to organize trading cards.

I’m grateful for spreadsheets because they let me organize data and do automatic calculations to find percentages, etc.

I’m grateful for USB drives because I can store data on them and they’re kickass.

Looking for VOCALOID trading cards?

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