Thu Mar 5 2020

I’ve been slipping on the journal the past two days. I suppose I should give myself a break rather than compound the shame.

I tried to set up folding@Home this morning, but ended up uninstalling because there is next to no documentation. Apparently there is a web interface, but I couldn’t figure out…

I could figure out if I wanted it bad enough. I don’t. I’m stressed out about it and I don’t want to talk about it.

I have been doubting myself. I have been doubting that I am good enough to run a small business. I have been doubting myself that I can make $400+ a month via eBay. I have been doubting myself a lot lately and I’m afraid. I’m afraid that the good times are coming to an end and that I have to venture out into the workforce.

Good times. Hah. What the fuck am I on? These haven’t been good times. They’ve been lonely times and I’m in pain. I need a community, a tribe to be a part of. I need a new family that I can be genuine self with.

I don’t know what that would be. Martial arts? A job?

God, I don’t want to think about anything or do anything. I want to hop on YouTube and slip away. I don’t want to read or study or do hard things. I’m not energized and I’m in pain in more than one way.

Group therapy yesterday was heavy. Two people got triggered and started crying. I was trying to exercise non-judge mentality and feel empathetic and I felt burdened by their stories.

On the way out, my counselor asked me if I was okay. I think it showed on my face that I was in pain.

I liked the topics we went over. It’s good shit and I need to hear it, but it’s going to be pretty uncomfortable and overwhelming at times and I’m just going to do my best to be present and learn all that I can.

Shame resilience is the subject.

It was hard to be in that crowded room with so many people after I had been isolated for 3 days prior. It felt good though, finally being with people after 3 days of solitude.

I’m starting to understand how solitary confinement is considered torture by some human rights groups.

I made a sauce from a recipe in vegan comfort classics. The guac sauce from page 109. I didn’t have lime juice so I substituted with lemon. It turned out really yummy! I mixed it in with some leftover rice, potatoes, black beans, carrots, and water chestnuts that I cooked last night. Very yummy indeed!

I’m installing atom editor. I’m taking a break from eBay today, and I’m going to work on a project that is near and dear to my heart. A precious-memories deckbuilder website!

I suppose I have to work on the data scraper some more. I’m not feeling like working on that, however. I think I have enough data to work with at the moment, where I don’t need to work on the scraper. I can build a scaffold for the deckbuilding website and later on I’ll return to the scraper tool and make some optimizations. The optimizations that the scraper tool needs are as follows.

  1. The scraper should only download images/card data which it hasn’t already downloaded.
  2. The scraper should gracefully recover from a bad connection, by waiting then retrying up to 3 times.

That’s all I can think of at the moment.

I don’t know why provides a .deb file, when the package is available via apt.

Oh, I see the apt version is behind. The deb file is at 1.44.0, the apt package is 1.42.0. Wasn’t apt supposed to solve the problem of keeping packages up to date? It seems that most apt packages are out of date. I wonder why this is. Is it neglect? Or a failure of the technology?

Well, I’m just going to roll with the apt version for now. I really prefer the idea of my software packages being upgraded all at once via apt.

Looking for VOCALOID trading cards?

Check out Sakura Blossom Trading Post