Thu Oct 29 2020

@todo affilliate link brene brown’s book

I had dreams last night which is uncommon. I was in the pews at church with my family and some ceremony was about to start, then all of a sudden a kid starts talking about his favorite video came and won’t shut up about it. Everyone just plays nice and lets the kid talk, and the kid talks for so long that the mood of the ceremony is dead and everybody just decides to end the service and go onto sunday school.

I duck out and try to leave, collecting my belongings before I leave. All the contents that are usually in my backpack are scattered in the service room and I am having so much trouble collecting it all. I finally get my bike lock which was in another pew and then I duck out and start walking home. Then surprise surprise, my sister A. is waiting for me in the snowy parkinglot to give me a ride home.

That’s what I remember from the dream. I’m stoked to have dreams because they are so few and far between these days. I think I had dreams because I exerted myself to the point of stress yesterday, and I also socialized by playing Northgard with M. which was a lot of fun and a good source of inspiration.

So we played Northgard he and I with two AI players. They were on easy and the world hostility was on low. We won by me capturing Yggdrasil. I think it would be cool to involve my brother D. in my Northgard games since he’s whole reason I bought the game in the first place and I bet he would like to play the latest patch. I think Spectral warriers are a new thing. They were in the game last night, and it’s the first time I saw them.

The way Spectral Warriers work is pretty brilliant. They are a unit unlocked by exploring ancient ruins on the map, and as far as I know, once they die, I don’t get them back. They are good fighters, but they cause my citizens -5 happiness per Spectral Warrior that is pesent within my borders. I got two from the ruins, which meant that I would get -10 happiness if both of them were within my borders. This dynamic means that I always want to keep them outside my borders on unclaimed land. It also means that they are best suited for attacking enemy tiles rather than defending the home tiles. What I ended up doing was I tried to keep a tile designated as the tile on which they would rest. It’s a tile that I intentionally did not colonize so the Spectral Warriors would not affect my clan’s happiness levels.

When my Spectral Warriors became wounded, I came up with the idea to only heal one Spectral Warrior at once. This would temporarily reduce my clan’s happiness by -5, rather than healing them at the same time which would reduce my clan’s happiness by -10. I don’t know if this made a difference in the long run, but I’d like to think it does.

Eventually the enemy moved closer, and wanted to capture that Spectral Warrior tile for themselves. I was able to defend the tile from my enemy, but I figured that there was another way to live with Spectral Warriers in my own territory– extra Skalds! If I had enough Skalds to increase my clan’s happiness, I could have the Spectral Warriors in my own territory without reducing my clan’s happiness to an overall negative. My clan could continue to grow even while the Spectral Warriors were home.

I sold a weird Chimera sticker! This is the second time I have sold one of these. The first time was a sale from the person who actually did the sticker printing for me, which was kind of strange. They could have just taken one when they printed the stickers and I never would have known! Anyway, I sent out 20 some offers today because that’s what I do on Thursday. One sale of the sticker so far! I’m sure there will be some more sales trickling in soon.

I walked to the mailbox and then I walked somewhere between 20 and 30 laps around the backyard.

I now discovered that there was another sale which came in at the exact minute I went outside… 8:27!

Well shit. My store policy is same day shipping if ordered by 8:30AM. I have been walking out to the mailbox closer to 8:00 so there’s a half hour gap to where items purchased during that time are not going to make it out the same day.

I reminded myself of this as I walked to the mailbox. I told myself that I would honor my word and I would bicycle an order down to the post office if it happened to come in during the same-day shipping window that I stated on my eBay store.

I already walked though. I did my exercise for today. I want to be a man of my word but I’m making all sorts of excuses right now!

I think I need to adjust my same-day shipping window to match the time when I walk out to the mailbox. I have missed the mail carrier when the time was 8:30. I don’t want that to happen, but I also don’t want to have this situation that I’m in right now. My workflow is able to be efficient because I have these good routines. Today there is a monkey wrench in my routine and now I gotta spend extra time to deal with it, which makes the overall workflow inefficient!

Ok then. I guess I’m going to bike down to the post office. Extra exercise today! That’s actually a VERY GOOD thing, although I’m thinking of it as an inconvenience at the moment.

The snow has melted quite a bit since last Friday when it snowed. I wasn’t able to get everything that I wanted to pick up from the grocery store yesterday, because I hit my weight limit of the items in my basket. I didn’t get bananas or frozen fruit or frozen veggies, so I could pick those up today on my way home.

Ok then, let’s do it! Let’s get down there and take care of business!

But first, I gotta take care of myself and get some food in me. I’m super hungry after that long walk this morning. I was in a sort of a trance and I could hear my inner bitch making all sorts of excuses of why I should stop walking and go inside. “My knee hurts.” “I haven’t ate enough.”

I just had to put those thoughts aside and keep at it. My mind went to some interesting places of fantasizing about potentially conflicting scenarios that I could have in the future.

I had this recurring daydream of having to confront my father about my view of how religion is bullshit while he’s on his death bed, begging me to come back to god.

Well I’ve been over this quite a bit in my journal, but I think at some point I would like to share with my dad that he was my god for a long time. I didn’t need Christianity/Mormonism because I had a living, breathing god whom could make my decisions and set my path.

Well I never wanted him to be my god, it just kind of happened. I think having a higher power is part of human survival instinct. My father was my higher power, and I suffered because of that. I suffered because his values and my own were not in line. I wanted to please him, I put great effort into doing so, but I was never happy doing it and I secretly wanted out.

I secretly wanted out, and I had desires that I secretly fulfilled. Sexual desires that I felt wrong in pursing with a woman because of my dad’s view on marriage, I secretly satisfied with porn.

Career desires with being an entrepreneur, or simply working for someone other than my dad, I satisfied when I would reach a breaking point and could no longer show up for work. I would seek employment at jobs I didn’t want, then feel incredibly shameful about betraying my father’s good graces of giving me work.

What a fucked up story. From the outside, it seems like it could be a great thing.

“Oh he’s following in his father’s footsteps.”

“Oh he’s helping is father with the business.”

“What an obedient son.”

On the inside, I had never been more miserable, unfulfilled, and trapped. I wanted to be my own person, serve myself rather than serving my father, but I was too ashamed to break away from the culty existence that I was living.

Well luckily things have changed, and I sought help and I realized all these behavioral issues that I had when it came to finding meaning in life and having a higher power of my own choosing.

I’m really grateful that I’m at where I’m at now.

Oh shit, I almost forgot that today is group therapy day. 1PM group which means that I either have to go to the post office very soon, or wait till 3pm which is not ideal due to how busy the shitty road will be.

I’ll figure it out. But first, breakfast time!

Ok that was weird. Apparently I got the notification e-mail that it was time to ship, even though the customer has not paid yet!

I think I just mis-read the e-mail. There’s a button which lets me create the shipping label, but I think the fine print says that the customer hasn’t paid yet.

Ok then. So I’m not on the hook for a post office visit! That means I can focus on what I want to be focusing on today– listing cards on eBay!

Yesterday took a lot out of me. I sorted all the 1500 cards that I received from the last Buyee shipment into their individual sets, then I boxed them up in order of which cards I want to list first. I want to list the exotic cards first, because those get the most attention and sell the best. Some of those exotic cards are also erotic, such as the one I shared the other day which is of a character bending over with intimate detail of her g-string bikini!

So Hot!

I found another one of these cards in the same lot of 1500! I’m hearing a cash register noise in my head right now. *cha-ching!*

I was frustrated with how slow going the card listing was going, and how I was going back and forth between sets as I listed random handfuls of cards at a time. It’s going to be much more efficient now that I have the cards separated into sets. Some of the sets that were most common were some that I already have a ton of. K-ON and Hidamari Sketch I think were the top two. There are so many duplicates in the lot! I think a bunch of these cards are going to end up as reward cards that I gift to people for (almost) free.

They’re too common to get much money out of, although that isn’t going to stop me from trying! 3D Sellers has the great feature of letting me conceal the actual inventory amount I have, which creates an artificial scarcity that I use to attract more customer interest.

Anyway, I’m going to list Hidamari Sketch and K-ON last, since I already have a ton of those cards listed. There are definitely gems in there. I noticed a handful of rares that I haven’t laid eyes on before.

Next I’ll be listing cards from sets like A Certain Scientific Railgun, and Highschool DxD BorN. There were a bunch of great bikini cards in there which I had to stop and appreciate. I love to oogle at cute girls in bikini!

I wonder what we’re going to talk about in group today? I don’t really have any expectations. I didn’t do the homework because I’m so unclear on what the homework is. The packets are poorly worded, poorly edited… But that’s just an excuse I’m making. I just haven’t been keen on doing the homework because I’m so often distracted with work.

I’m just happy when I spend the time to journal. Eventually I’m not going to be in therapy and I’ll have to rely on my journal, or seeking out good books like Brene Brown’s I Thought It Was Just Me.

Oh hey, I set up Brave Rewards on my website.

This in theory could be a good way to monetize my blog with privacy-respecting advertisements. Readers who are using Basic Attention Token (BAT) enabled browsers could be funding my blog just by visiting and spending their time reading. They won’t even have to think about making a donation, it’ll just happen automatically based on their percentage of time spent on my website throughout the month.

It’s a pretty cool idea. Every month, they allocate a number of BAT that they want to contribute to content creators. Their browser figures out how much time they spend on each BAT enabled site, and divide the monthly allocation according on the time spent on each site.

I think I said the same thing twice, just wording it differently each time. Sorry about that. Bad habit!

So yeah, I’m liking Brave browser so far. I love how it hides all my extension (add-on) icons by default, which keeps the address bar clutter free.

I also like how it’s built with Web3 support. Things like IPFS, Ethereum, Tor are all just part of the browser and immediately usable!

It’s sad to see it go, but I think Firefox needs to die. Die now, a hero, Firefox! If Firefox continues on the path it’s on, I fear that it will become the villain. Mozilla laid of a shitload of employees this year. Mozilla killed the immensely useful I’m wary about the future of open source and the mission of building a better internet at Mozilla.

So I’m jumping ship! I’m switching to Brave, an obviously next-gen browser which is more in line with the ideals that I loved about pre-2020 Mozilla.

Oh shit, there’s a Brave referral program. I’m signing up right now!

Oh, nevermind. Their referral program ran from 2018 to 2019, and is now discontinued. They gave away 12 million BAT during the campaign!

Well I missed out on that. OK, no biggie!

That’s it for today. Affirmation and gratitude time!

I’m grateful for Brave browser which has built in privacy-enhancing features, ad blocking, etc. I’m grateful that it is working well for me, and that it imported my Firefox settings like a champ!

I’m grateful for my friend M. and the fun we had last night playing Northgard. I hope to play more games with him in the future, and continue my work towards being a social butterfly! JK I don’t want to be a social butterfly, but I want to be better at making connections and not feeling lonely!

I’m grateful for clocks. I’m grateful for the concept of time, except for that stupid thing that we do in the states which is DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME. That shit needs to go! But back to the gratitude, I’m grateful that my mom gave me a clock that I can glance up at and see the time of day. Speaking of which, the battery in that thing has been going strong for what seems like 6+ months. It’s incredible that a tiny AA battery can continuously move the clock’s arms for months without needing a replacment!

I’m grateful for SpaceX which HOLY SHIT THEY MIGHT LAUNCH STARSHIP SN8 TOMORROW!!!!!1 I’m so fucking excited about that event. I am going to be on my feet cheering that on when it happens!

73. I choose to be happy.
74. I accept the good that is flowing into my life.
75. I will not allow anxious thoughts to steal my joy.

EKKUSHIESHIA! (and opportunity!)

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