Thu Oct 8 2020

1:34 AM. I am pleased to announce say that I have completed the translation of the Precious Memories card setlist!

This document originally started as a spreadsheet on my computer, but just like intranets, I loathed that the document existed here on my PC and nowhere else. I knew that it would never have an audience, never be subject to ridicule, never grow, unless I put it out in the world and put it on the internet where it belonged.

Where else has an up-to-date English list of Precious Memories sets? The answer is nowhere. I am the only source for this translated information. The next best thing is to run a translation automatically, which is error prone or leaves out information which I have scraped from the website.

Where am I going with this?

This is the first step to becoming the top USA dealer of Precious Memories TCG. Not only do I have product in stock, I can help you with translations.

The SBTP wiki is the first step. It has a complete setlist translation, and next comes the rulebook. The next step after that is the card database, in which people can look up what their cards say, so they can create decks and play with their friends.

It’s all in the works!

Yesterday I finished the alpha version of the user profile page of sbtp-loyalty. It has an address section in which customers can view and edit their shipping address, get it validated by Shippo API, and it offers address corrections in the case of misspelled street names or missing ZIP codes, etc.

I also implemented a special day section of the profile in which customers can enter their birthday and a special day. In the future, I will use these days to send customers a special gift.

I was happy to check off the “alpha status” of the profile page in my Github project tracker.

I am also pleased to work on something new, which is the prizes page of sbtp-loyalty. I’m learning a lot about GraphQL and I can see how it will help me with productivity by lessening the amount of code I need to write in order to make things happen.

sbtp-loyalty project is big. It is going to be a big challenge, but the trick is to simply put in the work. Doing the work seems really hard sometimes, but I just remind myself that I have these four checkboxes on my daily todo list which are precisely for sbtp-loyalty. There’s no way to check them off other than to spend the time in pursuit of the goal of bringing this project to production.

It’s just a time thing. It doesn’t have to be difficult. If there’s something I’m fearful about, it’s usually because I’m afraid of what I don’t know. If there’s something I don’t know, it’s because I haven’t learned it yet. If I haven’t learned it yet, it’s because I haven’t read it yet. If I haven’t read it yet, it’s because I haven’t researched it yet.

It’s just a time thing, and applying pressure to the points that are weak.

It’s Thursday which means it’s the day to send offers to my customers. I appreciate my past self for setting up a reminder of this on my calendar. When the clock struck 12, I saw the notification in my e-mail.

“It’s not Thursday!”

I said to myself, still operating in the context of Wednesday. I looked at the clock and then I realized my mistake.

“Oh hey, it’s Thursday!”

I quickly sent offers, because offers are usually a good money maker and I don’t want to delay making money when I have the pressure building of end of the month bills!

I am pleased to say that I made a sale already due to these offers. I sold the OreImo booster box (10 pack size), all the remaining OreImo booster packs I have on hand, and a sealed K-ON card that I’ve been sitting on for 6+ months!

I’m very pleased, and I was laughing out loud at the shock and the surprise of having made a high value sale in such a short amount of time. I have only had those OreImo boosters in my possession since last Thursday!

A sale of three collectible card items sold via eBay

I remember this customer’s name, they’re a repeast customer. $101.94 is a lot of money to spend on cards. You may be thinking, “holy shit, I should start a card business right now!”

But please don’t, (unless that’s your passion.) You have to remember that I went the past two days without a sale.

Today I’ve brought in $101.94. In the last 7 days, I’ve brought in a total of $218.19. In the last 31 days, I’ve brought in $684.60. In the last 90, $2,597.31.

My point is that I could make more doing a minimum wage job. I only do this job because it’s the lifestyle I want.

Constant challenge, lonely days, freedom from a boss, the freedom to be myself, the freedom to set my own schedule, the freedom to watch Ironmouse on Twitch while I photograph and list cards on eBay.

I did 10 minutes of yoga. Have you ever watched yoga videos where the instructor is really making an effort to say positive affirmations? I tend to think that those instructors suffer from low self esteem, and at times they put a lot of emphasis on the mental part of yoga, when that’s not really what I’m there for.

I’m not making my point. My point is that I am sometimes bothered by how persistent instructors can be when they’re saying things like, “lots of love in, lots of love out.”

I’ve noticed something about myself. I’m only bothered about those affirmations when I’m not feeling physically well. When I feel my best, I eat those affirmations up. I revel in them and I want to make their sentiment a part of my character.

So… I guess if I were to make yoga videos (which I won’t,) I would optimize the potential satisfaction of my viewers by putting affirmations near the end of each video, where the viewers are hopefully limbered up and feeling a sense of inner peace and love.

Right at the start of the video, they could be coming off an intense work session and their bodies are stiff and their attitude is shit. That’s the time where I want to have minimal cues, and not give them any reason to be triggered at a lovey-dovey sentiment and click out of the video.

That’s the engineer in me thinking about optimization, without thinking of other things like… The viewers could be watching for an experience, not a perfectly optimized message! They could be watching because they like my company, not because they want to do yoga…

I’m just spitballing here. This thought experiment isn’t very interesting because I have no desire to make yoga videos.

5 sales to take care of this morning! I think 2 were as a result of sending out offers, and the other 3 occurred yesterday before I had sent out the offers.

Dude, I’m liking the prospect of having a huge collection of cards that sells slowly over time. Eventually this inventory could become a thing where I don’t have to list every day, and I’m still making good sales.

That’s in the far-off future though. I don’t want to get lazy or even think about slacking off right now. Right now is still the make it or break it phase and it’s good for me to remind myself of that.

Ok so there’s something I wanted to write about. It’s how I’m out of CBT material to study… Actually that’s not true. I have the CBT group packet that I haven’t reviewed at all. I could write about that.

Anyway, the thing is, eventually the CBT material will run out. I don’t know if I’m going to be in therapy for much longer. Usually it’s like a 6 month period where FBH retains their clients, at which point they set them free. I think COVID fucked with the timing of my recovery, and that’s a bit reason for why I got an extension.

The next individual therapy session I go to on the 19th (12th is cancelled due to my therapist having a meeting) is going to mark 1 year of me in therapy.

It’s safe to say that I am no longer depressed. I don’t know if anxiety alone is a factor which warrants another 6 months of state-sponsored therapy, but I’m sure to figure that out soon enough.

What will I do when I no longer attend therapy? What will replace the CBT writings in my journal?

As if I even adhere to daily writing of CBT LOL. These past few days I’ve just been so opposed to the idea to where I don’t write at all, or I abruptly end posts because I check out when it’s time to do CBT.

Well, I think just writing alone is pretty good therapy. I think I could simply write more about what I’m feeling and how I want to try and overcome emotional barriers in my life.

I don’t need a worksheet to get an emotional release. What gets me to that place where I can work through my traumas and fears and feel better about things is simply confronting the trauma and the fear, and writing about it.

Well, let’s try that now.

There’s a really big issue I have which is the fear of confronting my dad and saying, “I forgive you.”

Granted, the forginess worksheet that I have doesn’t say I need to tell the person at all that I forgive them. My therapist said the same thing, where forgiveness is something that I choose to do, but I don’t have to express it to the person whom I associated the pain.

The person I’m thinking about is not suffering from me holding a grudge. I’m the person suffering from holding a grudge.

Well, what would I even forgive my dad for? For being an emotion child who happened to become a father? That’s hardly something I can blame him for.

No I take that back. It’s obvious and well known how babies are made. My dad did not make sufficient emotional preparation for having 6 children. My dad was short tempered and at times violent with his children. His terms were strict. His love and support was conditional. I blame him.

I blame him for his poor behavior. I blame him throwing B. against the wall. I blame him for the betrayal of being a protector who’s physical strength greatly outdid that of his children. I blame him for preying on the weak.

I blame him for not diffusing the stresses of his job. I blame him for working too much. I blame him for not keeping his promises about taking me to the arcade on Saturday. I blame him for not keeping his promises about helping me create a motorized scoreboard. I blame him for not keeping his promises about taking me offroading in the Subaru. I blame him for getting angry, having outbursts, then apologizing and making promises that he was going to take the kids out to do fun things on Saturday on a regular basis, but that promise wasn’t upheld.

I can’t think of anything else right now. Just with what I wrote, I’m feeling as if a weight was lifted from me.

Yoga time!

I really like this flow.

So today I plan on doing a lot of what I did yesterday. The work stuff, the play stuff, the exercise stuff.

Ironmouse has a spanish-only stream planed for this evening, which will be interesting to watch. Her no-swearing challenge on Tuesday was really entertaining (she failed but it was a valiant and humorous effort!)

Humorous, fun, lewd, sexy, cute, adorbs, talented… All great words to describe Ironmouse.

Alright I’m wrapping this up.

30. I can reach out for help if I need it.

Oh yeah, I have a group therapy session today at 1PM.

31. I am special I will not change myself for anyone.
32. I choose hope.

I’m grateful for this little apartment I live in. I sometimes think about it burning down, and how that event would change my life significantly. Well I don’t want it to burn down, that’s for sure, but I know that there will be a last day eventually. A last day for me to use this apartment. Ideally, I’d like that day to come at a point when I am voluntarily moving out to a different domicile.

Ideally, I’d be renting another place, like a business office which has an attached living space. Or perhaps I would be moving into a manufactured home in a nice neighborhood with high speed internet*

*not as much of an issue now that the opportunity of Starlink is just around the corner!

The point is that there will be a last day when I can use this apartment. It will be a bittersweet day, which is why I am giving thanks right now. I am thankful that I can live here and work towards my goals. I’m grateful that I have such a great deal of privacy here. I have one neighbor– my family, whom are very patient with me and want to see me do well.

I’m grateful for my family as well.

I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to participate in Ludum Dare 47. Here I am, living in the free world. I don’t have to worry about getting eaten by a bear or a wolf, I don’t have to worry about village raiders who will pilliage and rape, I don’t have to worry about disease* that will rot my body and kill me. I don’t have to worry about famine and not having a next meal to look forward to.

*fuck covid and fuck the coddling of the american mind and fuck the rampant, viral fear of covid which is the worst thing that covid has to offer.

I’m grateful that I found Michael Malice via Lex Fridman’s podcast. I’m grateful that his words resonate with me so well. For once in this goddamn year, someone is talking sanity and it’s Michael Fucking Malice.

I’m grateful that I realized that JRE podcast is fucking with my head. I was completely fine yesterday until I fired up JRE and listened to the fear in Joe’s and his guest’s words. They are afraid of what is going to happen, and that fear was getting transferred straight to impressionable me.

Fuck that fear. Fear is the thing to fear, not the things they are fearing. I switched over to Lex Fridman’s podcast and listened to Michael talk about a range of subjects from Anarchy to how he believes that many people are not capable of deep thinking, to Ayn Rand (sp) to Trump’s best tweets… This man is chaos and I don’t like a lot of what he says, but I’m drawn to him because he is so authentic about himself and he believes in a sane world in which nobody is worthy of being a ruler and the idea of rulers is ridiculed.

I’m going to give his podcast a listen, because I’m sick and tired of the Neo Liberalism which is sweeping the world.

I’m out!


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