Written on Sun Dec 1 2019 @ 12:47 PM PST
During November 2019 I wrote a blog post every day. Or was it almost every day? I might have missed a few days.
The point is, I never published these blog posts. Instead, I set them to automatically publish in two years.
I treated these blog posts as journal entries. I wrote about whatever was on my mind. I wrote my most intimate thoughts. I wrote about things I considered secret.
A part of me wanted to share these thoughts. I wanted to share my secrets as well. These thoughts and secrets are a part of who I am. They were the types of thoughts and secrets I felt I needed to hide, not because they were taboo, but because I was ashamed.
Some of them are taboo. But as Tom Hanks said in the 2019 Mr. Rogers film…
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”Fred Rogers
I have hid or suppressed my true self for a long time. I don’t want to hide anymore.
I don’t want to live in a place where I feel threatened for speaking my mind. More specifically, I don’t want to lose my housing because something I say offends my landlords.
Hopefully, by the time this blog post publishes, I have moved out of the apartment which my parents own. Not that I think my parents are bad people or anything. I love my parents and I have felt their love for me.
The issue is my parents and I have differing opinions on how life should be lived. Differing opinions on how people should express themselves. Different world views. Different moral compasses. I long for complete independence from my parents so I can express myself the way I want to express myself.
This blog post serves as a warning to myself. My November 2019 blog posts are about to be published. One per day during the month of November, year 2021.
My secrets will expose themselves. My private thoughts will become public. Sound liberating and appreciated? Do nothing and they get published. Sound horrible and stupid? Re-schedule the blog posts to publish some other time.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds. It’s what you do with the time that heals.Unknown
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