Tue Jan 26 2021

I didn’t write on here yesterday, but I did write in my paper journal. Perhaps I’ll make a post for that, and transcribe. Transcribe? I think that’s the wrong word. I think it would be… Copy? Fuck IDK.


I’m watching Projekt Melody’s live Chaturbate stream at the moment. Holy shit, she came a bunch of times. I missed the first 20 minutes or so, so maybe she came more. But just while I’ve been here, she’s orgasmed at least 3.

She’s totally bakka brained and I love her. She seemed to be done cooming and she’s chillin’ with her fans, talking about being self conscious about her voice, how she has a vacancy for a daddy in her life, and the importance of washing hands. She’s so great haha.

I have some notes from yesterday’s therapy. Here they are.

  • The subtle art of not giving a fuck (good book)
  • Groups
  • Martial arts (small groups are out there, meeting.)
  • CoDA steps 1-3
  • Podcast with my friend C.T.

I just decided that no! I am not going to go back and make an entry for yesterday. I’m going to look forward, go forward, and bring yesterday’s post into today’s post.

I found a bunch of old documents on my Google Drive. I suppose it would be good to clear all that shit out. I’d rather not use Google Drive for any personal documents. I could use Google Drive to transfer files to people, but I can only do that if I clear it out and free up some space.

Yeah, a lot of stuff is in there from around 2013 which I completely forgot about. VloggerFair stuff. Notes about airsoft. Collaboration stuff. Journal entries… I think I’m going to bring as much of that as possible over to this site, because this site is becoming a representation of myself and I appreciate that it’s all together and searchable.

I’m having a great time with my 3D printer. I’ve been cranking out as many prints as possible lately. My hands hurt LOL. That’s not because of the printer, I think it’s because I’m spending less time on the computer and I’m just having more time to notice how my extended computer usage is causing me physical pain.

I finished a phone mount! I love this design. I can add extension arms or axis changers and junctions and all that stuff.

I took this photo earlier today. The configuration shown in this image has already changed. I added a 90cm vertical arm to raise up the mount so the phone could be rotated 90 degrees to a portrait orientation.

yesterday’s writing

Mon Jan 23? 28? 25? IDK.

I’m at Kohl’s with my sister A. She’s returning an Amazon purchase. I’m waiting in the car because I’d be tempted to buy something. Or maybe I’m uncomfortable. I didn’t bring my mask either. We’re going to go to B&J’s house to see the newborn M.E.G. OMG what initials those are! LOL I didn’t even think of that until just now when I wrote it!

I’m going to call her Meg. Wow, I wonder if B&J thought of that! OMG OMG what a cool name! She’s got 4 names! First name, middle name, last name, OMG! So cool. IDK what to talk to my sister about. I think I’ll just keep asking questions. It’s going good so far.

I asked if she has New year’s resolutions and she said she wants to eat less and exercise more. She said she exercised 1 time this week instead of 0 times this week. Good for her. Baby steps!

I’m never bored when I have my pen and some paper. I’m grateful that I came prepared. I brought a gift, a jar of skippy peanut butter. I know that’s probably weird, but to me, a jar of PB means a lot. I have to bike to the grocery store & back.

I brought up 3D printing with B. and B. told me about weekendgunitrust who is apparently a redditor who makes a lot of gun parts using 3D printing.


I made the mistake of not acknowledging my feelings when I shared in group.

“I’m afraid to share” <— this. Say this! (I didn’t say it.)

I’m holding back TEARS

Choke in my throat

ignoring it

I made a mistake

It was fear. The fear of ridicule. What if they laugh at me?

What if I stutter?

What if I cry?

What if someone cross-talks?


Do I repeat myself? Did I already say that?

I didn’t talk about the meta

“I’m shaking” <– I didn’t share what was OBVIOUSLY happening.

I got sad when Anon left the call. I questioned my sharing and immediately thought that it was my fault.

Uh oh, am I 13 stepping? I wand to come back next week because cute girls are here!

GOAL: I want to unmute to say, “hi”, “thanks” and “here, here!”

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