Tue Jun 2 2020

dog, bulldog, pet

7:47AM. IDK why I woke up at the odd time of 7:30. I would like to go back to sleep.

Three trading cards to send out this morning. They’re about a $14 value altogether. Am I wasting my time doing eBay? Can I really make this work?

What if I make $14 per day? Is that enough to carry me forward? I guess that’s $420. That’s definitely not enough to carry me forward. My expenses are somewhere around $700 per month. Rent, eBay fees, blog, and credit card fees.

$14 is an excellent start. I’d rather have this $14 than $13. I’d rather have $13 than zero. I am not complaining, I am gauging the situation.

I started a promo last night for this week. 50% off select foil cards.

I need to list items! Problem is that I’m not sure what to list. I guess more multipacks are probably the way to go. The other day I created waifu multipacks, one each or every main K-ON character.

I could do the same thing for more series. I think I only have one or two series which have enough cards to do that, however.

I’m grasping at straws! I need more product! I have about 10 orders sitting at Buyee. I’m just letting them sit there for awhile, because I’ve definitely overextended on my purchases. I’ll need time to make enough money to restock my inventory.

I’ve got a $230 eBay payment due this month. I wish I didn’t have to pay seller fees. I wish there was a popular P2P market with next to no seller fees.

I’m going to package and ship cards now. Gonna try and feel awake and make it happen!

I packed and shipped cards. I went for a walk and did a sun salutation. So tired during the walk. Only did 10 laps then went inside and ate leftover burritos.

I’m switching it up today. I jumped right into watching JRE #1475 with Bridget Phetasy.

Washed dishes. Brushed teeth. Postponed the shower & shave. Set up a Sakura Blossom Trading Post Bonanza Booth.

Post Booth. It’s like a double descriptor.

Last night I made some progress on mp3-to-cassette as well as youtube-promoter. I squashed some bugs on youtube-promoter which were preventing my pixabay search from executing correctly.

I think I have another bug to squash on the logic that handles that pixabay API call.

After I figure that out, the next step is to generate a video using the picture fetched from pixabay, and the comment fetched from my most recent youtube video.

Did I mention how youtube-promoter works? I probably did, but let me give context here just to be thorough.

youtube-promoter is a javascript program which is meant to run once a day. It needs three variables to run. A youtube API key, a youtube channel ID, and a pixabay API key.

Using the YT API key, youtube-promoter finds the most recent video belonging to the channel ID. It fetches comments on that video and chooses the comment with the most upvotes.

The most upvoted comment is fed into a subroutine which chooses a random word in the comment. That word is used in a pixabay search query using the pixabay API. The first picture returned from the query is used later on.

youtube-promoter uses text to speech to create a synthesized spoken word audio file of the most upvoted comment.

A video is automatically generated using the comment text, comment text audio file, and pixabay image.

Using the youtube API, the generated video is uploaded to youtube.

The script runs again the next day.

It’s a fun project and a novel idea at bootstrapping a youtube channel. I think this channel would attract all sorts of people who are looking for reputation, more followers, and a way to share their own channels.

Maybe I could monetize it somehow. For starters, I would plug my affiliate links in the description of every video.

I need money. I’m really feeling the pressure for next month’s rent. I’m worried about the economy. I’m worried that my customers are all as broke as I am.

It’s not good for me to spend all this time worrying! I need to spend this time working, not worrying!

I’m worring about shit outside of my control. That’s not a good strategy.

Circle of influence, circle of concern.

My circle of influence is small. My circle of concern should match my circle of influence. My circle of concern is way too big right now.


I wonder what would happen if I allow myself to sleep as much as my body wants to sleep? Would I sleep all day? Would I become depressed? I’m tempted to listen to my body and give in.

Anyway, what can I do right now which can earn me some $$$?

  • I can sell my birthday presents.
  • I can sell unlisted shit that is on my inventory shelf
  • I can get a PT job

Fuck #2 and #3. I want to write code and list trading cards on eBay. Everything else can fuck off.

I’m so picky.

So maybe finding a customer is something I could work toward. What kind of customer do I want? Otakus!

Maybe there’s an anime convention out there which could use a developer. Maybe they could use help with their ticket printing workflows, database maintenance, website glitches, social media integration, or something like that?

I took a nap. 2:46PM.

I felt a spike of pain near my left ear when I was making breakfast. I think the pain has to do with my 2011 jaw surgery. I think the pain there is constant, my body is just so used to it, and I only feel it during unusual circumstances.

Being really tired, or being on mushrooms. Those seem to be the two most common situations for the pain to manifest.

There’s been something wrong with that area of my head for a long time. I really think I need an MRI or CAT scan or whatever it is that would show a cross section view of my head. Maybe it’s the little wires that hold my jaw together getting stretched out. Maybe it’s a pool of blood and pus from an internal injury that can’t heal. Maybe it’s a tumor.

Whatever it is, the pain and the constant affects it has on my inner ear are not going away on their own. I really think I need medical intervention.

To seek help is not something I’m good at. I put off seeking help for my depression for ages.

I think my natural instinct is to ignore the problem. Avoidance patterns. That can’t be good. What if the issue is what’s causing me to be tired all the time? What if the issue gets worse?

I know what I’ll do. I’ll mention the problem at my next visit to the doctor. Now that I’ve achieved a good baseline of mental health, I can move onto physical health.

I’ve still got that rash on rectal area. I was given a referral to a dermatologist, but I never followed up on that because I don’t answer my phone for numbers I don’t recognize.


Fear rules my life at times. Fear rules the world, it seems. People are so afraid to be free right now, that they are looking to an uninformed and advantage seeking politico for permission to return to work.

We sheltered in place to “flatten the curve” of COVID-19 infections. We accomplished that goal, but nobody is talking about starting up the economy again. It’s the same bad rap of, “wear a mask, wash your hands”

I think it’s time to ignore government’s phases and get back to work. If you’re vulnerable, feel free to continue to shelter in place. Otherwise, let’s get back to it!

Today’s intentions are

  • Minimize stress
  • Play video games with friends at 8:30PM (max 3 rounds of Squad)
  • Take a shower
  • Eat well
  • Japanese study
  • List items on eBay

80. Yesterday was a bad day, not a bad life. Today will be better.

(Yesterday wasn’t bad at all. I’m simply listing these affirmations in order!)

81. I am braver than I feel.
82. While I wait for the storm to pass, I choose to dance in the rain.

CoDA 30q #10.

What is a Shame Spiral?

A shame spiral seems to be like the, “shutting down” feeling I experience when I get stuck in shame. Or perhaps the spiral is the event that leads up to said shut down.

A shame spiral is an intense feeling of shame which feeds into itself and increases the feeling of shame. Left unchecked, it becomes an overwhelming feeling, one which leads to a place where I get stuck and am no longer able to communicate or think rationally.

What is fear of shame?

Fear of shame is being afraid of putting myself into situations where I am likely to experience shame. This weekend’s picnic for example. I’m afraid that I will experience shame in that situation, seeing as I am going to be around friends who I don’t usually spend time with, and maybe some friends who I don’t like spending time with.

If I don’t practice emotional sobriety, I may avoid the event entirely, simply because I’m afraid of something that might happen.

The fear of shame is something to keep in check, because it’s a hurdle to living a wholehearted life.

I’m gonna take a shower in a minute. That nap felt nice. I could really use some B12 right now. Maybe that’s why I’m tired. Maybe I’m missing good ol’ B12 and D.

Like I said yesterday, this month is as good a time as ever to shatter the glass ceiling of my eBay sales. I can do anything! I choose to make BANK and crush the competition, creating new happy customers and accelerating my business into future!

That was a little cringe. “accelerating my business into the future?” That doesn’t mean anything. Sounds like marketing HYPE.

Anyway, I showered and shaved. Now I’m downloading my expired Minecraft Realm so I can send it to my buddy M. who is interested in continuing to play.

The other day my dad was talking about 5G towers along Sprague in the valley. I haven’t seen them yet, but apparently they’re atop telephone poles and they’re somewhat obvious.

I’m looking forward to having a bicycle. I’m considering going into further debt to get one. I think it’s a good idea on one condition– the condition that I have a way of making a LOT more money by having a bicycle.

I don’t have a way just yet. Easy mode is to get a job somewhere like Goodwill. Minimum wage is $13.50 an hour! I’m making a whole lot less than that right now via this eBay business!

I’m going to list some bullshit today. There’s a bunch of stuff I have on a shelf which I find really hard to list because they’re all different stuff. There’s a camera, an airsoft gun, a radio, and a motherboard. I’m feeling like it’s too difficult a task.

I’m so accustomed to listing cards. I’m good at it. I can list 30 in a day and I feel accomplished in doing so.

Listing new items boosts my eBay store’s rankings in eBay’s search results. It’s good for me to list as often as possible.

Today I’m setting a goal. I’m going to list the sticks of RAM from that motherboard. That’s it.

That’s it from the unlisted inventory shelf. I’m still going to list some card multipacks that I come up with, but the rest of the unlisted inventory can wait.

LOL, I’m observing myself being so lazy about this shelf and I wonder if I have any business in self employment.

I’m doubting myself.

Well the idea is to monetize what I love, so I can live a life worth living. I’m not self employed so I can do just whatever earns the most money.

Eh, I think that’s something to think about. It’s definitely not something I want to beat myself up over.


Looking for VOCALOID trading cards?

Check out Sakura Blossom Trading Post