Tue Nov 3 2020

Fuck daylight savings time. Delete that biannual policy.

I seem to have misplaced my sunglasses.

I need more oatmeal. Today would be a good day to go to the grocery store.

Most the snow melted.

I packed 2 orders this morning.

I made shit sales during October. Gross $716.06, Net $374.02. Seller fees are at a record high 41%. What the fuck, eBay?

Actually I know the issue is shipping. I paid a lot more in shipping so I can earn Top Rated Plus seller rating, and appear higher in search results.

The past few days have been good as far as sales go. One or two orders every day, and that’s a great trend. I attribute these small successes to my increase of time spent on listing cards every day.

Man, having a surplus of single trading cards to list is making a big difference. I don’t feel pressured to open sealed product anymore. I feel pressured to get through that queue of new-to-me used product and get them on the internet.

I just remembered that there was a bikini card that I needed to restock and I didn’t think I restocked it. I just checked and I actually did restock it. Thanks, past Chris! My past me is quite the guy.

It’s 7:30 right now but it feels like 8:30. I am tempted to just live by daylight time year round, but I tried that last year and it doesn’t work out. It’s too difficult to compensate for that 1 hour difference while staying in sync with everyone who goes by the popular time.

Well I guess there’s not much hope for eliminating the ridiculous practice of changing the clocks twice a year, if I’m not even willing to protest it myself and live by the other time. I think that’s the only way the policy will get removed at this point. I can’t rely on government to change for me, I have to change first, then government can follow.

Government doesn’t make disruptive changes unless it has a fucking good reason. The original reason for daylight savings time was that there was a power crisis. Today, the inconvenience that is re-adjusting for “daylight savings” isn’t going to be enough for gov’t to do something about it. An inconvenience is not a crisis, which means that there are more pressing issues to deal with.

I’m disgusted with myself for even wanting to do something about DST. I only ever think about this for like the week after the clocks change, then never again. Well that’s not completely true. I think about that shit. Every time I think of DST I rage a little inside. I’m just disgusted because I’m making this political. By it being a government issue, I’m looking to someone else to do something about it for me. I’m using an external locus of control and not taking responsibility for the effect that the social construct of time has on my life.

I don’t need someone else to do something about it. I can live according to my own schedule and my own needs. I don’t need the government or anything else to tell me when it’s time to wake up or when to go to sleep.

Time to go to the mailbox.

OK not yet, actually. I got 10 more minutes until 8AM (PST) and I don’t want to get an order in that time and have to deal with a second round to the mailbox or the post office. One per day is how I can keep things efficient.

I’m feelin’ kind of depressed right now. I want to blame my sleep schedule having been questioned. I think I’m going to adjust my alarm clock to go off at 6:30 instead of 7:30. My internal clock is on PDT, so I’m going to respect that clock. Also this means that I need to be going to bed an hour earlier.

Maybe I’m feeling depressed because I finally have a solid sleep schedule which I’m very happy about, and this clock switching has the potential to destroy that sleep schedule.

Ok so my counter to this clock changing event is that my internal clock is going to be respected at all cost. The wall clocks are the only thing changing. How I refer to time in the context of communicating with other people is changing as well, but my internal clock has a pattern of it’s own, and that pattern is LAW.

I don’t know what I’m doing today. Grocery store run? or no? The weather looks okay. Just okay though, not great. It might rain this evening. “light drizzle.” the temperature right now is 30 degrees F. It might get up to 51 in the afternoon.

Fuck afternoon trips to the grocery store though. I like the 11AM window, when it’s not too busy.

Yeah I think I’m going to plan on a trip to the grocery store. I don’t want to run out of oatmeal or peanut butter, but that’s going to happen by end of day unless I do something about it.

Grocery store at 11! That’s the plan. Right now, mailbox.

Mailbox complete! It is supper foggy and wet right now. I’m definitely going to have to wait a few hours until it’s and dry enough to ride my bike.

No big deal! I have plenty to do right now. I’m going to write for 25 minutes, then take a yoga break, then I’m going to jump right into eBay listing.

Well, what am I to talk about today? I mentioned that I was feeling depressed. I wonder if that has to do with yesterday’s physical activities? I walked maybe 10 laps around the backyard. From the start, I didn’t track the laps, I just intended to walk a bit. I think my immune system was shocked over the weekend, because I rode the bus and went to Northtown mall on Saturday, then I had a family gathering on Sunday.

I felt a little ill on Monday. It was a scratchy feeling in the back of my throat, and tiredness. It felt like my body was telling me that it was strained. Like it was fighting off infection.

Today I feel… It’s hard to tell today. I didn’t walk like I did yesterday, and it’s when I walk when I get the clearest messages from my body.

I’ll probably get a better idea when I go to the grocery store.

I thought about NaNoWriMo. I don’t miss it. I thought about it last night. I sometimes write 50,000 words in a month, even without NaNoWriMo! 2000 words a day in my journal is my usual goal.

Lately that’s not the case. Lately the goal is to write for 1 hour, not to get a specific word count. I still get about 1500 words a day, when I put in the time.

I’m not feelin’ like writing another novel at this point, but I think a really good idea would be to edit the one I already have. There are a bunch of grammatical issues, plot holes, and inconsistencies that I’d like to address.

It will be easier than ever to make edits to my book, because the whole thing is a git repository.

I’d like to make my book a visual novel at some point. I already started that project… Oh shit that was already a year ago!

Well yeah, it would be cool to have a novel, and a visual novel. It just takes work. The time and the pressure is what those endeavors need.

When I started that visual novel, I started a separate version of the novel, in which I changed several character names and made grammatical edits. I was doing what I would do if I went over the entire novel from cover to cover, improving the rough draft quality and bringing it up to first draft quality.

Now I’m thinking of this as a git repo, which it technically is… I made a branch for the visual novel, but the changes in that branch need to be merged into the master branch. But the visual novel branch was not a git branch at all, it was a straight fork to a repo that is completely untracked.

So yeah, that was not a wise move for a long-term project, but the visual novel was never meant to be a long term project. I was just wanting to learn Ren’Py, and Ludum Dare was a great excuse to get into it.

The logical next step is to make an edit on the master branch, before proceeding to the visual novel.

Heck, the story could change quite significantly once I make the edit.

I think I’m going to remove the novel from Archive of our Own. Nobody made any comments and it’s been like a year. It’s a rough draft and undesirable to the point where I haven’t even re-read the story since I wrote it!

Well that’s not saying much. I don’t do much reading of books. Last book I read in entirety was probably I thought it was Just Me by Brene Brown. Great book, but it was a homework assignment so I had pressure to finish the thing.

The EBT cardholder portal seems to be down– I can’t check my balance right now.

Well it’s not like that’s what I intended to do right now! Distractions are a real problem for me when I’m doing shit I only kinda sorta want to do!

Distractions when I’m coding? Hah! Good luck, distractions!

Distractions when I’m writing? Omg shiny new thing, I gotta check dat out!

The clinician in charge of the Thursday group meeting said something about journalling. She said something to the extent of, “if you absolutely hate writing and you’re forcing yourself to write in your journal, that’s not being kind to yourself.”

I don’t hate writing so it doesn’t apply. I like writing, but today I’m just not in that great of a mood.

I had a moment yesterday when I was frustrated with jsdiff and trying to get it to work in my project. I thought I could spend 1 hour on the project and close out the function I was working on, but it ended up taking me around 6 hours and I still wasn’t done.

I was very frustrated. I did some yoga in which Bird instructed me to lay on my back with a block under my upper back. It wasn’t a real challenge, but I was being really mindful of my thoughts about being frustrated with so many things.

I’m frustrated that I’m not making a living wage.

I was frustrated that the function was taking so long to implement.

I’m frustrated that I can have so much fun on the weekend with friends and family, then be completely alone a day later.

I’m frustrated that I’m working so yet not making ends meet. I’m frustrated that all I get is stress and lonliness. I’m frustrated that my job of being self-employed and working from home is so fucking fruitless.

I cried a bit.

I also reminded myself that I am not giving up. I haven’t tried everything yet. I still believe that I can live the life of my dreams.

Wonderful yoga.

Okee doke. I have done this yoga and I feel good.

So tomorrow I would like to try something new. Unfuck my mental state before I journal. Well maybe journalling is the way I do that?

I want to try practicing yoga first, then journalling. Yeah, that’s what I’ll try.

Ok so that’s it for now.

Ok so

ok so

ok so



ok so

so yeah, um


fucking crutch words

Ok anyway…

I mean… (just) anyway… (I don’t need no damn crutch word!)

Grattitude and affirmations and I’m gettin’ the fuck outta here

I’m grateful for Yoga with Bird. She’s basically my yoga instructor LOL.

I’m grateful that Ironmouse streamed last night and that I got to spend time with her and listen to her sing.

I’m grateful for youtube-dl

I’m grateful for torrents

I’m grateful for free anime streaming websites like anime1 and kissanime. I think kissanime is dead, but there are a bunch of copycats now lol.

I’m really grateful for animetosho

I’m grateful for Virtual Private Servers, VPNs, and all that jazz

I’m grateful that I have the POWER thanks to the disruptive technology that is the internet

I’m grateful for glue because it’s sticky and adheres things

ok now I’m just getting into random shit that’s on my desk, rather than coming up with something that has impacted my life lately. I think that means that it’s time to wrap this shit up!

82. While I wait for the storm to pass, I will choose to dance in the rain.
83. I am loved.
84. I will remember; often difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.


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