Tue Oct 20 2020

7:10AM. I woke up this morning and instantly wanted to go back to sleep, so I did. This happened several times before I told myself, “My body wants to wake up, I should probably get up.”

I kept looking for the sunlight in the window, but there was none. “Is it time to get up, or do I just need to poop or something?”

I got up, looked at the time and it was around 6:45 and I was like, “It’s time to get up!”

I picked and packed today’s single order. It was my last remaining Highschool Fleet Precious Memories card. I think I have more of those on the way. A restock will be nice. I’m probably going to receive the next shipment from Buyee this week. Last tracking update said it was in Seattle as of yesterday, so I’m thinking Wednesday or Thursday it’ll be here.

I’m watching the tail end of Mousey’s stream from last night. Mouse is playing Minecraft with Bunny_GIF and they’re trying to build a giant treehouse. Their first attempt they used wood planks which looked nothing like a tree, so they used TNT to blow it up and start over.

It’s usually frustrating to watch Minecraft noobs play the game, but I think Mousey has a little more experience than Projekt Melody which makes it bearable. Also Mousey doesn’t have mic issues like Melody has been having, and Mouse actually talks when she plays video games. Melody gets really quiet as she spends so much time and effort concentrating on the game.

In other words, Melody’s personality becomes suppressed when she plays video games, and that’s no good. I’m not watching twitch to see the games, I’m watching twitch to see the personalities!

I hear rumors that Melody was dating NuxTaku, and they recently broke up. I have no idea if that’s true or not, but it would make sense as a reason for why Melody no longer uses the T0Ms. In my little headcannon, Nux was controlling the T0Ms and the camera angle when Melody would stream on Chaturbate. Someone was obviously controlling T0M, because I remember seeing Melody say, “T0M, come here”, and T0M would move around as if controlled by a person. It was either Melody or another person controlling T0M, and I like to think that it was another person.

Then when the two broke up, Melody permanently removed T0M from her streams because they remind her of her Ex. Recently, Melody has hinted of a new robot design which she will be using to replace T0M. It’s a shame because I really liked T0M’s design as a floating camera bot with the two rabbit-style ears. Dildo ears, LOL! I loved it when Melody’s shorts would be put atop T0M, it really completed the look!

But yep, no more T0M. And another part of my headcannon is that Nux took care of a lot of software stuff that Melody isn’t good at. Quality Control, as well. And now that Nux is no longer dating Melody, Melody’s stream quality has tanked. She’s got regular wind noise in her microphone, and a bad cable or something that is causing painful, scratchy audio spikes.

Just replace your microphone, Melody! I wish I could say this to her directly. A aew microphone with a really good Pop filter. It’s such a simple fix and it would restore her stream to watchable status.

The thing with Projekt Melody is that she has an incredible voice. I could get off to her voice alone. I have got off to her voice alone. But not with these audio issues. If I’m hearing breath wind noise, microphone vibrations, or scratchy audio spikes, I can’t watch without being physically hurt by the disturbances. I like to watch Melody with headphones so I can hear her voice very clearly. The audio spikes rip me from the immersion.

I’m frustrated by technical issues caused by faulty hardware, or hardware used incorrectly. My friend J. shared an ASMR video with me one time, where the producer was physically touching the wind filter of her microphone and massaging it as if it was a head of hair. I was instantly triggered by the sound, and I don’t mean my Autonomous sensory meridian response was triggered. I was triggered in that I was disgusted by how wrong she was using her equipment. She was introducing vibration into her expensive condenser microphones which were properly suspended and isolated from vibration by their high quality stand.

Maybe this makes me an audiophile? I take audio quality very seriously. I get triggered when people use shit like Zoom to record their videos, then use the shitty Zoom live audio to re-encode the video for uploading to youtube. They will use Zoom because they know it, even though there is no good reason to use Zoom, because it’s just one person recording a tutorial!!!

For fucks sake, use the right tool for the job! Record using OBS, so you get lag-free local audio at a high bitrate. Then upload the recording to youtube. FFS!

Ironmouse is my sanctuary. She has technical issues, but they are rarely microphone related. I can hear her very well, and that’s very important. I don’t hear mic wind noises or anything like that.

I’d like to think that Mousey’s Discord had something to do with it. Ironmouse’s discord is open to all fans, wheras Melody’s discord is open only to financial supporters. Mouse can get all the computer help she needs from her passionate fanbase.

Eh, that’s probably not the issue. I think it’s just an experience thing. Mouse has been streaming for 3 years, whereas Melody is a relatively new streamer, streaming for less than a year. I think Melody is still learning the ropes, and it’s just something she’s going to get better at over time.

I’m of the opinion that every streamer should have a tech nerd who works behind the streams to do tech support and quality assurance. Someone who is close enough to the streamer to have access to the streamer’s computer, and can make changes such as tweaking audio settings, video capture settings, game graphics settings, etc.

That’s my utopia LOL. A world where waifu streamers don’t have moments where they get frustrated with how their frames are dropping or their 3D model is glitching out. Everything is just tweaked to perfection beforehand by an expert, the stream continues and everyone can focus on having fun.

I walked to the mailbox. There was a package of 7.25×7.25×7.25 boxes in there waiting for me. I’m surprised they fit in the mailbox! There was also a mailpiece addressed to the neighbor. Luckily it’s the neighbor with the mailbox right next to ours, so I just put that mailpiece in their mailbox.

I was tempted to do nothing about the wrongly delivered mailpiece, and let my parents deal with it. But that’s not the kind of person I want to be. I want to take responsibility. I am happy I dealt with it myself and walked it back to the correct mailbox. I would want the same thing from my neighbor who ended up with a mailpiece addressed to me.

I am thinking about going to a thrift store today. I have some cash that I got from the MTG exchange, which I would like to put to work. I can make some acquisitions, list on eBay, and those products will eventually give me a return. It’s better to do that than for the cash to be sitting in my wallet.

Ok let’s do some CBT homework.

Personal Goals and Action Plan

1. This is your opportunity to devise a goal that you would like to implement into your own life that pertains to the idea of self-regulation of thoughts and feelings. Reflect on which of these two areas– thoughts or feelings– cause you the most difficulty and then tailor your goals to that specific area. Once you gain insight and practice your self-regulation in that particular area, now use it in all other areas of your life as well.

I’m going to say that thoughts cause me the most difficulty, because I have shitty thoughts such as, “I’m a lower class person than these people and I can’t possibly fit in.” or “these people have shitty morals that are incompatible with mine and I can’t possibly find common ground with them.”

Ok so I am supposed to come up with a goal? Hmm. A goal that helps me in the area of Social Support, which is tailored to improving my thoughts…

Well, I guess I want to be hyper aware of when I have hot thoughts like those above. I want to be aware to the point where I can change the thought into something more rational. I want to change the hot thought of, “I’m a lower class person than these people and I can’t possibly fit in.” to, “Regardless of income, I am of equal class and I deserve to have friends. These people are great friend candidates!”

2. Now that you have developed your goal. Review the skills and information that you have learned in this chapter and identify which ones you want to use and practice in your own life. Create a list and then write about the strategies or approaches that you will strive to use especially if you experience challenges and barriers or an overabundance of negativity. The list will help you that there are options and choices to help yourself even when you think or may not feel as though you have them.

Ok real talk, who wrote this? Dr. S and Dr. H… what the fuck are you doing? Please have someone edit your shit before you make it a homework packet, LMAO. There are so many grammar and punctuation errors on every page!

I’m being overly critical, I realize. Maybe they copyrighted this shit so it wouldn’t spread as well and nobody would find out how bad at English they are… LMAO omg I can’t publish this article now, because it’s mean.

Eh I’m publishing it anyway. Publishing is my goal. It’s part of not hiding my authentic self. I’m not living to satisfy my parent’s ideals anymore, I’m living to be me and celebrate me.

Ok back to the homework. Here’s the list of strats and approaches that I will strive to use when I experience challenges and barriers or an overabundance of negativity

  • Journal
  • Breathing exercises
  • Yoga
  • Meditation

Ok those are my go-to things, but what about when I experience hot thoughts as those I previously mentioned? What things can I think and say and do?

  • Detective work. Challenge the belief.
  • Ponder and come up with a solution.
  • Create a stepladder goal to overcome that challenge/barrier.

Yep ok I’m satisfied with that. On to affirmations!


52. I choose to be brave and tell others if I need support.
53. I have the power to control my reactions to the challenges I will face.
54. I am becoming healthier each and every day.


I’m grateful for this CBT homework packet, even though it has plenty of grammatical errors. I’m grateful for the insight and the prompts which have helped me consider things from a different perspective. I’m grateful to have learned some new things and had the opportunity to apply them to my life.

I’m grateful for youtube-dl and how easily scriptable it is. I recently created this script which I call tivomouse, which allows me to record Ironmouse when she streams. I use this for when I go to bed early and can’t watch her stream live. It’s important to record her streams, because I never know if the VOD will survive!


init_delay=10          # The starting delay time. 
max_delay=$((60*10))   # The maximum amount of time to delay beteween checking for a live stream
delay="${init_delay}"  # Ongoing delay counter. Doubles itself if there is no live stream

cd ~/Documents/ironmouse

echo "${invocation}"
while :; do

  echo "Attempting to download Ironmouse's live stream... Press Ctrl+C to quit."
  echo "sleeping for ${delay}"
  sleep "${delay}"

  # Attempt to download the live stream.
  # We exec the parameters sent to this script
  # @TODO make this a modular script by executing the argv "${2}"
  youtube-dl -f 360p https://twitch.tv/ironmouse

  # Reset the delay time if youtube-dl exited with 0 error code
  # This would suggest that the streamer ended their stream.
  # This is done in case of temporary loss of stream
  # We want youtube-dl to resume quickly afterwards to catch the stream as it continues
  if [[ $? -eq 0 ]]; then let delay=init_delay; fi

  # Slowly increase the delay time.
  # This is done to be polite to twitch.
  # We wait longer and longer between tries, eventually maxing out at ${max_delay} seconds
  if [[ delay -gt max_delay ]]; then let delay=max_delay
  else let delay=delay*2


I’m grateful for FIGS. The food. They are really yummy and I bought some yesterday when I was at the grocery store. I’m going to go eat some now which I chopped up and added to my breakfast oatmeal.

Excelsior, and Opportunity!

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