Wed Apr 15 2020

vegetables, healthy eating, cooking

I want to do 4 things today.

  • journal
  • read
  • ebay
  • github

I also want to eat, but that’s not really an option LOLLERSKATESLMAFOBBQ.

I have some food. I’m going to make some flatbread using this CM Coleman recipe.

Actually I’m going to go start that process right now, because it takes an hour for the dough to sit and … prepare? It doesn’t have yeast so it doesn’t rise. I think there’s a word for that process but I can’t remember.

Dough is mixed up and sitting. It was fast and easy to make especially because I mixed the dry ingredients last night.

2 cups flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 – 1 1/4 cups of lukewarm water
1 tablespoon olive oil

I had a dream at one point to make a cyber cafe. An OS like this would make a great OS for a cyber cafe. No windows malware would damage it, and it’s so barebones and fast that old PCs could run it just fine.

There’s also the exotic nature of the OS. I’m struggling to find a better word than exotic. It’s unique and different and I think certain types of people would love to visit the cyber cafe just to try this strange OS and explore it.

I’m watching the video right now. If it’s got a web browser, it’s something I would consider. Most people spend most their time in the web browser, and it wouldn’t matter what OS they’re running on as long as the web browser is up-to-date on web standards.

Oh the website says that yes, there is a web browser. I wonder if it’s a Firefox derivative?

Holy shit, the entire OS is 28MB. HOLY SHIT THIS IS GROUND BREAKING! Shitty internet? No problem! This OS is amazing!

Running the LiveCD on Virtualbox. Wow, that startup speed was less than 1 second. I am amazed!

Ok so the web browser is super shitty. At 28MB for the entire OS, I realize that’s way too small to have a modern web browser. Basically if the website uses Javascript, I don’t think it’s going to load. It seems fine for reading Wikipedia, but it can’t get duckduckgo or youtube to load. It is a text-only browser, so with that in mind I think it is usable for only a small number of websites.

I do like the default font in the web browser though. It’s simple and highly readable.

I think the most likely thing I would use this operating system for is for the puzzle games it comes bundled with. They’re simple yet challenging and I appreciate that. Apparently there are 30 games that come with this. That’s a good way to kill some time!

Oh wow, there are some fun games for sure. Kosilka is a lawn mowing game where you can’t continue unless you have grass to mow. This means you have to plan ahead and mow in an efficient pattern that doesn’t do any overlapping! There’s also Xonix which reminds me of the old classic Flash game, Bubble Trouble. Very cool indeed. And those are just the two games I tried!

Oh dang, that’s tempting to just keep playing, but I really want to stick to my journalling right now so I can make sure to finish everything I want to finish today.

I’m really frustrated about COVID-19 having infected everyone’s brain. I truly think that this country has succumbed to fear, and we’re going to pay for it dearly. I’m talking great depression type of payment. There’s rumor of a second stimulus check planned for the summer. I don’t think the first stimulus check was a good idea. it’s just creating more debt that citizens will have to pay off for generations to come.

Shut down everything non-essential for a new virus that most people don’t exibit symptoms for. This is madness. Is the common cold not a pandemic? Shit doesn’t get shut down for the common cold.

I say the quarantine should be for sick people or people who are afraid of getting sick. Basically just enforce good sense that everybody usually ignores. Last in-person game day before the lockdown, my frienemy B. was hella sick. This was before Corona virus was on anybody’s mind, and yet I still thought she was being rude by attending the game day. I don’t think people should go to work if they have a cold. I’ve always thought that. So many people just work anyway and pass it along like an asshole.

I’m just angry because this is impacting me financially. I’m trying to bootstrap a business and I need a certain amount of momentum for this to work out. It’s not working out and I’m angry and scared.

No card sales this week. My customers are hurting. I’m hurting.

I think I might not be as upset if i weren’t in such a bad place financially. I just paid $45 for cell service yesterday. I was supposed to be getting a SIM card which had $65 of credit on it, but that wasn’t the case. I think I might have got scammed. I contacted the eBay seller who sold me the, “plan”. I’m going to get to the bottom of it. I want to return the SIM card, but the problem is I already activated the SIM card and had to pay the $45 to get it started. So basically I’m fucked because I can’t give the SIM card back. If it comes down to it, and I determine that I was scammed, I’m prepared to scam the fucker right back and return them an empty package. As far as eBay will know, I returned the SIM card.

I hope there can be a peaceful resolution to the issue, and it doesn’t come down to me doing shady shit that I know I can get away with because people do this shit to me when I sell on eBay. Would I not be justified though? The seller promised a plan with $65 credit, but I just got a SIM card with no plan and no credit whatsoever. I’m not sure. I hope we can communicate and resolve this issue without trouble.

Ooo, KolibriOS has a nice screensaver.

KolibriOS’s vibrant repeating pentagon screensaver pleasantly shifts colors in a swirling motion.

I could see setting up a room full of Raspberry Pi computers with this OS. Maybe there’s a better one out there which is lightweight and has a decent web browser. Ok then, I could see setting up one station with KolibriOS because it’s unique and interesting and there might be someone who would show up to my cyber cafe wanting to try something new.

I always had a dream of running a LAN center with CCBoot. I really just love trying out new software, and I think running a LAN center would have all sorts of cool software for me to play with. There’s a really cool LAN center with Linux based PCs that posted a cool video of their setup. They didn’t even use computer cases, they built their PCs into the desks. The did a diskless setup, where all the PCs connected to a server and ran an imaged desktop OS with a bunch of games preinstalled. The nice thing about Linux is there are so few fees, and now there’s great game support thanks to Steam.

Steam offers a LAN center subscription service, where the owner can pay a flat fee per PC per month and it gives them access to a huge list of games. OMG, to run a LAN center would mean I would need the fastest internet I have ever seen! I would have to learn about bonding and BGP or something. I’d need redundancy and speed, to ensure that my place stayed operational even when people’s internet at home was out. Fiber from two different companies, plus a backup cable connection. Fuck yeah!

I could run all my Filecoin and cryptocurrency shit in the back room as well.. That business would check so many boxes on my bucket list!

Well, I’m not so hopeful about my eBay business paying off. At the moment, it seems that it doesn’t matter how hard I try, I’m just doomed to fail because the market is “anemic.” That’s what I’ve been reading in the news. The economy is, “anemic” and that’s the reason for the stimulus checks.

The stimulus checks are just a quick fix duct tape on a crumbling fortress! Since 2008, it seems that the accepted paradigm is to throw a quick fix on that fortress, which is in decline and there’s nothing that’s going to stop that. The full collapse will happen, and all these fixes and band-aids are just slowing the process down. We’re in beaurocracy right now, and I think chaos is just around the corner.

I think we need that chaos. I think the Fed need so go bye bye, and it’s going to be a painful and ugly process but it needs to happen so we can get back to order. Chaos isn’t necessarily bad, either. I think we can see a lot of good come from chaos in the form of a free market and infinite benefits to entrepreneurs.

A complete economic collapse would change a lot of things. I’d probably have to find a job somewhere doing some shit I don’t want to do. I’m probably going to have to do that regardless, seeing how things are going and how I’m struggling to make profit and get out of debt.

I doubt there would be jobs. I think it would look like this pandemic, where there’s a huge fraction of the population who are willing to work, but can’t.

Normally I have competition to get even minimum wage jobs. No thriving economy means no abundance of jobs. Competition for shitty jobs would be even greater. I might not stand a chance against a seasoned worker with a solid resume.

Or maybe it would be the opposite. Maybe resumes get thrown out the window. Maybe you just show up and work for a day, and get paid that same day. Show up tomorrow and you might work some more, but you aren’t really an employee for more than a day at a time. It might become desperate like that, where paperwork goes out the window and hiring processes get a complete reset.

I cooked and ate the flat bread. WOW! I can see why CM Coleman House* says he prefers these over regular bread… they’re fried, full of fat and delicious! Reminds me of scones that I used to have when I was a kid. My mom would make them on occasion.

* I don’t know if the guy’s name is CM or Coleman or CM Coleman so I just used his entire channel name to refer to him LOL. I’m a new subscriber, I’ll figure out his name eventually!

But yeah, scones. Wow, these are amazing. I think I would like to make pizza using this dough recipe at some point. They’re really wonderfully delicious! I added agave nectar to mine and it tasted a lot like pancakes! I couldn’t cook these fast enough… I ate them just as soon as they were done cooking!

I used my instant pot to cook these. I used the sauté setting on HIGH. Steam seems to be less hot than sauté, and for frying, I needed it hot! The last one I made a little thicker than the others, as an experiment. I added extra oil to that one and drizzled extra agave nectar over the top when it was done. Fabulous recipe! I will be making these again, perhaps as soon as later today!

I’ll probably nap today. I went to bed at 1 or 2AM last night. I was feeling tired because of the sleep I had lost over the respirator issue with my dad. Earlier today I cried about it.

I cried while trying to chant along with this Shin Buddhist chant. It’s San Butsu Ge from page 77 of the Shin Buddhist Service Book (pg 85 of this pdf)

Basically this meditation is very effective. The whole idea is to keep a consistent tone and follow along chanting. I find that I can’t think about anything else because it takes my entire focus to keep up with the chanting. I really enjoy it and it helps me be mindful of the feelings I’m suppressing. So this morning I tried to chant the San Butsu Ge and I couldn’t do it without bursting into tears.

Shame is the fear of disconnection. I fear that by saying no to my father, I am disconnecting from him.

That’s exactly what is happening, and it’s what I desire. I desire a certain level of disconnection. I desire healthy boundaries and good communication. I did that yesterday and in doing so I move closer to my goals, but it hurts. I am not a kid anymore and I can’t continue to be propped up by my father.

I’m working on re-parenting myself. My whole world can come crashing down if my father is angry or disappointed with me. I can’t have that anymore, my goal is to be enough just on my own. Be enough on my own to where I don’t need his approval or his blessing to live my life. I choose how I live my life now, and I choose the man I want to become.

Fuck, this is difficult to write about.

I think I wrote enough for today. I thought about closing with a Buddhist prayer, but I can’t find one that is agreeable, so I’ll defer that to a later time.

57. I am a success; I can make this day great.
58. Note to self: You are amazing.
59. I can control my breathing.

I’m grateful for the Shin Buddhist Service book that I received via E-mail when the coronavirus thing forced the Spokane Buddhist Temple to close it’s doors and cancel all meetings. I’m grateful that I have the PDF and I can follow along with the various buddhist chants that are available online.

Now that the Sangha doesn’t meet, I miss it. I miss the group chanting and I miss the free coffee and nice people.

I think I will schedule a time this sunday for a long meditation session. Basically I’ll either watch a livestream of a past Shin Buddhist service, or I’ll watch one live. Seattle Betsuin Buddhist Temple posts a ton of videos. I don’t know if they do livestreams but I’m sure I’ll find a suitable video there.

Oh yeah this should do the trick. it looks like it’s a pre-recorded video, which premiers on Sunday morning at 10AM. 10AM is the same time that Spokane Buddhist Temple meets. I wonder if that’s a common thing for Shin Buddhism.

Hmm… It’s a little strange not having a sangha following in with the chanting. That’s a little disappointing as the sangha joinng in is very comforting. Perhaps what I will do is I’ll watch an older livestream where there are people in the pews!

Or I can take it as training. It could feel like a 1 on 1 chanting session with the minister if it’s just he and I. I could also think about the other people worldwide who are tuning into the stream and simultaneously chanting in their homes. Since 10AM is the time to come together and meditate, I’m definitely not alone in that respect.

i’m grateful for community. I don’t feel so alone when I’m with friends.

I’m grateful for compassion. Without it, this world would suck.

I’m going to take a moment and recognize this weeks’ successes.

  • I said no even when it was difficult.
  • I made a new recipe.
  • I recognized that I was having a bad day and I was emotionally vulnerable during a video game session. I stepped away from my computer and took time to take care of myself before returning and dismissing myself for the evening.
  • I discovered Pomodoro technique and put it into practice.
  • I exercised courage and I released a web app to the world. I found an audience who appreciated my work. Fellow developers gave me constructive feedback which I was appreciative of and I thanked them for.


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