Wed Aug 12 2020

CoDA 30q #18

Read Chapter Three introduction “A suggested program of recovery” on pages 25-28. What does the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous consist of? Are you keeping track of your progress on My Daily CoDA Program Journal?

No, I’m not keeping track in the provided journal, LOL. I am keeping track in this journal/blog instead. I also made a progress checklist thing last night

The idea is that I always want to be improving on things so I can get to the next level in life– financial stability. This checklist will help me visually track the days when I am or am not making progress in things.

I added authenticity (abbr: Auth.) because I noticed that some days, I hide. I will do sutra chantings quietly so as not to be overheard through my window or door. Or I’ll censor myself and not say, “FUCK” when I really want to. Authenticity is the opposite of hiding, and it’s important to living well.

I have this theory that as soon as I achieve personal perfection, I die. It could be like the metaphysical reason for life– it’s this self-help simulator for some higher plane of our existence. We are sent here to fix some flaw we have in our soul, and it takes an entire human lifetime. Maybe more, and we have to live through multiple lives until we get there.

I don’t actually believe that, but it’s fun to think about. That theory kind of parallels the christian view of life, that we are here to be tested, and after death we are judged.

I like mine better, because it isn’t judgement waiting for us after death. Actually mine kinda sucks because it’s as if Chris gets to live again. I really don’t believe that one. I am a firm believer that Chris only gets to live once. What may continue on is just the one mind (god) as it spins up a new soul.

I’m getting off track. I really don’t want to do CoDA work! :laughing:

8:30AM Time to walk to the mailbox! Saved by the bell, *pfew*!

I walked and now I’m watching an old SBBT stream

Now my mind is wandering during this Dharma talk.

I wonder if I can make a card game out of the First Person Sorcerer game idea I had?

I created a hanjusan pdf out of the images found at

I also sent an e-mail to Kusonoki sensei about the images being too large and loading too slowly on my computer. If they load slowly on my computer, it’s going to load even slower on most other people’s computers!

Pages 2 and 4 required resaving via GIMP before they would actually load via Eye of Gnome. Otherwise I just got an error–

“Error interpreting JPEG image file (Not a JPEG file: starts with 0x42 0x4d)”

Anyway, I used pdfcandy to create a pdf from the images. Then I used pdfcandy’s highest compression rate to shrink the pdf down to a size that loads really quickly on my computer.

I shared the pdf with Kusonoki sensei.

I just paid for another Buyee package to get shipped. It was $122 and change to get it shipped. I just reminded myself, “don’t think, just do.”

Thinking time is not right now. Thinking time can happen when I’m out doing my morning walk, or when I’m in the zone and ready to ponder on things.

I’ve done the thinking. I have a process and today’s the day when I get stuff shipped.

Package queued for shipping! it’s 4 in the morning in Japan, so it’s a perfect time to pay for the package. Thursday morning the Buyee employees will come into the warehouse and they’ll have my order to process.

Peach pink is what I’m calling this package, based on the color I’m using in my ROI sheet.

The nice thing about shipping so many items together is that I can divide the shipping across all the items. So the shipping cost ended up being only $12.26 per item which sounds much better than the whopping $122+.

I hope there isn’t a problem with these sea mail packages. I got a phone call this morning from a 253 area code. I might not be remembering that number correctly, but my phone said it was from Federal Way, WA. I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t know, and they didn’t leave a voicemail.

It’ll forever be a mystery!

So I just got the thought… What if customs has the package and they have to speak to me before they can import the package into the US? That would fucking suck!

Maybe I should answer every n calls from unknown numbers. Not every one, but every other… Something like that. It would be a good exercise. I can always hang up on people who are making spam or unwelcome calls.

12:16 PM. I’m going to eat some food now.

I picked blackberries from Mom’s garden this morning. I feel guilty about it, because I never helped plant or prune or weed or anything.

My mom said I can just take whatever I want from the garden, but I don’t know if that offer includes the blackberries, or if it just included the smaller garden of vegetables like Squash and zucchini and cucumbers, lettuce and onion.

I want an onion. That would go good in the meal that I’m preparing for dinner.

It’s gonna be brow rice, chickpeas, and salsa. I have a cucumber left over that I could add, but that probably won’t be so good with this particular meal. I guess it can be a side item.

Oh yeah, I have more zucchini in the fridge which is definitely going to get added.

The blackberries did not go good with my oatmeal. Not good at all!

I still haven’t done CoDA. I’m putting it off because it’s hard and the feelings surrounding it are uncomfortable.

Ok I’m doing it right now while I eat oatmeal.

CoDA consists of 12 steps to get out of bad relationships, find friends, and propagate the program.

Why will a half-hearted attempt to work the Steps leave you feeling self-defeated?

Probably because the reward for completing the steps depends on commitment.

“Your journey through the Steps may be the most difficult work you ever attempt.” Do you see working teh Steps as an overwhelming task?

Looking at all 12 steps, yes. I think it’s much less overwhelming to focus on one step at a time. I think the CoDA 30q thing where I work on one number a week and don’t even know about what’s coming up in the following week is a more manageable task.

What are the rewards of recovery?

Self-worth, a new found strength, and a support group of friends.

Are you willing to work the Steps daily as part of your personal recovery?

Kinda sorta. I’m not going to make CoDA my religion, but I’m going to use tools that I learn from CoDA on a daily basis.


I completely half-assed that. Fuck it. It’s stupid questions anyway. The work I need to do the most is EXPOSURE THERAPY. But fuck that work too.

Fuck all the work except the fun work and the work that I want to do!

What a strange man I am.

Fuck you!

Oh no, am I having full-on conversations with myself again?

“Full-on?” who says that?

I said it.

Are you a retard?

Don’t say such rude things.

Fuck you!

Come on, now.

Oh are you my mom?





wut da fuk m eye doin’ m8?

7:43 PM. I did lots of stuff. I did code, ebay, exercise (bicycle), meditation, nutrition, CoDA, Japanese study, and now I’m gearing up for some PLAY, socializing, and AUTHENTICITY PRACTICE.

I’m running OCR on the shin buddhist service book, because it’s annoying not being able to Ctrl+F on that shit!

I used pdfcandy desktop version, and I am thoroughly disappointed. The OCR output a fucking MICROSOFT WORD document! I don’t even have MS word. Luckily I can open it in Libreoffice, but it’s just a bunch of garbled text. I was expecint a PDF output with highlightable text…

Well, I guess I got what I paid for. (I paid nothing)

I’m going to try again, but this time use the convert to ODT feature with OCR.

Apparently the desktop version of pdf candy only gives me 2 free operations, after which I have to upgrade to PRO to continue using it’s features.

I’m going to uninstall regardless of the outcome after this PDF to ODT process completes.

Apparently vitamin D is required in order to absorb calcium. Adults with calcium deficiencies lose bone density. Children with calcium deficiencies get rickets which is where their leg bones get all crooked.

I think I have experienced a great deal of bone loss due to being vegan and not supplementing my diet with vitamins. My teeth have suffered, and my leg bones seem thinner than they used to be.

Well the good thing is that I can probably reverse this process now. I have been eating vitamins every day now. A vegan multivitamin, and 5000 IU of vitamin D. I can work out a lot and in theory, my bones can get thicker and stronger because of the load that I put on them.

Yep, okay, mhm. sure.

This PDF candy program takes a long time to work through the 300+ page shin buddhist service book 😆

I really want a physical service book!

The MMX is such an incredible beast of a machine. I don’t see anybody every making a 1:1 copy of it, even though there are CAD files of almost every part on the machine… There’s still way too many custom parts for anybody to copy it.

I’d be just as impressed if someone made a copy as I am at the one MMX that does exist in Martin’s studio.

I sincerely hope Martin gets rid of those ugly felt vibraphone dampeners. It’s the one part that is a complete HACK and it’s so prominently displayed on the machine… They’re such an eyesore!

Just look at the wire things making indirect contact with the vibraphones… It’s literally a bent wire, whereas everything else in the surrounding area is a well thought out, well designed part specifically engineered and crafted to fulfill a task.

Holy shit, the pdf candy PDF to ODT had nearly the same results as the straight OCR feature. A jumbled, garbled mess that completely discarded the kanji.


Well fuck that. PDF candy isn’t going to do what I need. I probably need some hybrid OCR program that lets me perform OCR on specific parts of the pages that I specify. That would probably be a lot of work to go through each page and do that, but I’m sure the shin buddhist community would appreciate such a thing.

I can’t donate money right now, but I can definitely donate time.

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