Wed Dec 23 2020

It’s Christmas adam, which means it’s the day before Christmas eve, which means that I’m fucking late!

I’ve got a video to edit and produce by tomorrow evening. I’ve been putting it off.

Something has been bothering me the past several days, and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Was it this? Was it my procrastination and unwillingness to watch the video clips people sent me?

Uncomfortable. That’s the feeling I get when I think about it.

I was hesitant to share the video of me announcing the project in the first place, because I put myself out there, emotionally. I’m going to have to do the same thing again, because I have yet to record my part for the video.

Luckily the video won’t be too long, overall. Only 4 people other than me submitted a video.

I’m feeling sleepy all of a sudden. Maybe it’s because I just got inside and showered and got warmed up. Or maybe it’s because my inner bitch is trying to avoid having to think about this video editing project, and is trying to escape by using sleepiness as an excuse.

I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I was kinda planning on napping. I’ve got group therapy at 1PM and I’m not looking forward to it. I want to work on FuturePorn which is nearing completion. I put together prevvy yesterday, to get around the much too slow ffmpeg-generate-video-preview. I’m super proud of my work on Prevvy, and I think other people will find it useful as well. I’m going to publish it to npm once I put the finishing touches on it. The code is ready, the test suite is not.

I mentioned yesterday that my customer paid full price for dozens of cards. I was wrong, they actually used my 30% off promotion. Regardless, it was a huge order. Definitely my biggest order ever, consisting of only single cards.

43 cards, for a total of $204.33. Blessed be the otaku!

I packed and shipped that order this morning, taking extra care to pack the cards safely, and throw in some bonuses. 2 hatsune miku stickers, 2 smiley stickers, and 4 Bob’s peppermints.

I have a big container of those peppermints and I haven’t been sending them out with orders. I’ll be sitting on them forever, at this rate! Time to send more candy, I guess!

IDK what else to talk about. I’m feeling like sleeping more than I’m feeling like typing.

I have been working an insane amount. If this was a regular job, I would have quit by now with how much I’m working… And I say this after deciding that I would take this week off of work!

I’m not listing on eBay or working on sbtp-loyalty this week, but I am coding. I’ve worked on my tank game, and I’ve worked on FuturePorn. I thought FuturePorn could be a one day job, but here I am on day 3. The story of my life LOL.

It’s okay though. The end is in sight. All I have left to do is

Heck, that deploy step can be really complicated, if I let it be. Ideally I’d like to be able to deploy from git. git push production master

I could use Dokku for that, but that introduces huge memoryhog dependencies (Docker) that I don’t want to have running on my VPS that is also running this blog.

I want a lighter weight Dokku. Fuck Docker. Dokku requires a machine with 4GB of RAM. That cost too much for me to rent. If I had the bandwidth, I’d host at home on a spare PC, and Dokku would be great. But I don’t have that, so it’s not an option.

Fingers crossed for Starlink availabilty soon! If I can afford it, Starlink will change my life, for sure.

Speaking of lightweight software… I had the pleasure of working with 11ty static site generator. THAT is good software. Their website is extremely newbie friendly and has great documentation. My one complaint is that their search requires a subscription. I’ve never seen that before!

Well that’s not completely accurate. They delegate searches to DuckDuckGo using search sugar “ <insert search query here>”. That’s actually not a bad idea, and DuckDuckGo is pretty good at finding what I’m looking for on a site. I suppose being a static site makes that easy.

Anyway, I am super pleased with 11ty. It’s what I used for FuturePorn, so I could have a simple static site to upload to neocities and not have to worry about hosting fees.

Well that’s not completely accurate either. I’m going to be paying for IPFS hosting via, but that’s going to be pennies per month.

15 cents per month, per GB. So i’ll be looking at $1.35 per month to host a 9GB video, which I think is about average for a 3 hour ProjektMelody Chaturbate stream. Holy shit, that’s going to add up quick. Again, Starlink can solve this problem. Instead of hosting in the cloud, I can run an IPFS node locally, add content to IPFS locally, and serve worldwide for a lot less than $0.15/GB.

Here’s the thing. I have to take some risks. I have to find an audience and provide value. If I can do that, I can find a way to monetize.


John Hill

Yeah. I’m going to do that. I’ll keep up FuturePorn for as long as I can. I’ll keep it up until my wallet busts. Damn, I think I missed the opportunity for a penis joke.

Do people’s penii really stay erect for 4+ hours? Heck, I don’t think I’ve stayed erect for even 1 complete hour. There’s usually lulls and shrinkage every now and again. Y’know, varying levels of arousal throughout the duration of sexytime. It’s never 100% boner.

I guess the only time I really hear about priapism is when I’m hearing an ad for an aphrodisiac, LOL.

But holy hell, what to doctors do if you actually had priapism? What the hell can they do? I immediately jump to Chinese medicine horrors. “Time to drain your penis” they would say, pulling a multi-syringe torture device contraption from a cabinet.

AHHHHH stay away from my dick!

Ok but no really, I bet they’d hook you up to an IV and drip in some anti-boner medication. For sanity’s sake, I’ll imagine that it would be such a civil solution!



28. My imagination and creativity are growing.

66. I can reach my goals. I am unstoppable.
65. I release all fears from my mind.


I’m grateful for the people at FBH who put in a lot of time and effort to helping people heal and grow. I’ve benefited greatly from the passionate clinicians and peer support people there.

I’m grateful for white glue. I’m honestly grasping at straws at this point LOL. All I can think about is taking a nap, which I think I’ll do once I end this post. White glue is super utilitarian, though. I’m going to be using it to do acrylic paint pouring to make christmas ornaments.

gloop = (1 part water to 1 part white glue)

pouring_paint = (1 part acrylic paint to 2 parts gloop)

I’m grateful for really productive days. The past two days have been incredibly productive, and I’ve learned a bunch of things about Javascript Promises and packages such as execa and luxon. Also I did great work in learning more about ffmpeg, specifically usage of -filter_complex and the xstack and scale filters.

Wow, ffmpeg is super strange and non-intuitive, but it’s incredibly powerful and I feel like an actual wizard when I successfully conjur a CLI incantation.

Like this one–

/usr/bin/ffmpeg -y -i ./tmp/intermediate0.png -i ./tmp/intermediate1.png -i ./tmp/intermediate2.png -i ./tmp/intermediate3.png -i ./tmp/intermediate4.png -i ./tmp/intermediate5.png -i ./tmp/intermediate6.png -i ./tmp/intermediate7.png -i ./tmp/intermediate8.png -i ./tmp/intermediate8.png -filter_complex "[0:v][1:v][2:v][3:v][4:v][5:v][6:v][7:v][8:v]xstack=inputs=9:layout=0_0|0_h0|0_h0+h1|w0_0|w0_h0|w0_h0+h1|w0+w3_0|w0+w3_h0|w0+w3_h0+h1[v]" -map [v] output.png


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