Wed Jan 29 2020

12:42PM. Just woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating. It was Frontier Behavioral Health, the office I go to for therapy twice a week. They call me too much with reminder calls. I don’t need them– I’m not going to forget!!!

Anyway, today I’m going to repair a oneplus one and get it flashed with new firmware. Then I’ll list it on eBay. I also have to run to the post office before 5 and drop off a couple outgoing shipments. No thrifting today, I still have a couple shelves of unlisted product which is higher priority!

I would like to get some new clothes at some point. I feel like I don’t dress how I feel. My wardrobe consists of a lot of black clothing. When I go to group therapy I always seem to be wearing all black. Nothing wrong with that, but I want colour in my wardrobe now! All black is an old habit which has kept around solely due to my lack of desire to buy new clothes. I’ve had the same two pairs of Wrangler Jeans for the past five years. They are so worn out, stretched out, and out of style, that I cringe every time I wear them out.

I have a good connection with Thrift stores nowadays. If I can get to the point where I have a little spending money, I’d like to start browsing the clothing aisles and find some pants which suit 2020 Chris better.

I had a dream last night that I went to a friend’s house to stay over for 3 days. I was completely uninhibited and I hung around in his basement wearing nothing but a T-shirt and a thong. How embarrasing it would be to actually do that! In my dream state it didn’t seem to bother me. I was just chillin’ in the basement and this friend was doing his weekend chores. One of them was to mow the lawn. To accomplish this, he had modified his Ford Mustang with an undercarriage lawn mower.

I laughed as I dreamt because 1, he had a car designed for women, and 2, he had modified it to mow the lawn. Further, he wasn’t even in the car. He did another mod using an illegal device to remotely operate his vehicle. He was chillin’ on the porch controlling his muscle car like it was a toy.

I commended this friend on his ingenuity. He seemed sad that I brought it up. Maybe he was sad that his Mustang was reduced to an RC lawn mower. Maybe he was sad that he was doing chores instead of hanging out with me. If I’ve learned anything from group therapy and CoDA, it’s that I can’t assume what he was feeling. Even though this was a dream and whatever he was feeling was probably what I was feeling, I think it’s good practice to not assume in this scenario that my brain conjured up for me. Practice non-assumption in my dreams, so I can make it a habit when I’m awake.

I can only leave my friend’s sadness as a curiosity point. If it is something I want to figure out, I can simply communicate to see if I can gather more information.

“B. looks sad.” I could have said. Then if B. was feeling up to it, B. could talk about it.

I’m learning a lot of new things in therapy and from Japanese. In Japan, polite speech consists of using people’s name rather than saying, “you.” I think this concept can extend to English as well.

Last Sunday, I played Alhumbra with my family. It was my first time playing the game and I enjoyed it. Something I noticed my parents doing was that they would say, “your turn” when they finished their turn.

In this case, “you” is indirect. Everybody at that table could have identified with, “you.” The true person intended as, “you” can only be deferred using the context that the person speaking is sitting to the right of the intended, “you.”

I think saying, “you” rather than the person’s name is a method to avoid social intimacy. I don’t know if that’s what my parents were intending when they were saying it, but that’s one of the reasons I say, “you.”

Part of my quest of being a better communicator and a better person is to accept social intimacy and improve my capability for it. I would like to discontinue my usage of the word, “you” in most situations.

One time I read in Men’s Health that, “you” is one of the sexiest words a man can use when speaking to a woman. That sounds a lot like Japanese use of the word, 貴方(あなた) (anata). Virtually nobody says anata unless they are speaking to their lover of they are being mean and verbally attacking someone. Anata simply means, “you.” It’s a strong word in Japanese language and I appreciate that.

Instead of using, あなた, Japanese use the person’s name.

あなたは背高とハンサム (You are tall and handsome.)

… could more politely be said,

クリスさんは背高とハンサム (Chris-san is tall and handsome.)

I think speaking this way in USA could be a little jarring for some people. I think some people in my circles might think it’s pompous to be speaking in the third person. I just caught myself acting in a co-dependent behavior. I should not be anticipating other people’s thoughts this way. I should simply use my wise mind to make a decision to speak politely, and act on that.

I think I should try this out. Maybe make it a challenge for February!

Every so often, I hear a person who talks this way. They refer to other people using the person’s name, not the word, “you.” People who speak in this manner don’t come off as pompous to me. They come off as thoughtful and respectful. That type of speech is very attractive. That’s the feeling I should act on, not the co-dependent one I had earlier.

I figured out their formula! I can use it to my advantage now. The formula is…

  • Refer to people by name in all situations.
  • The word, “you” is banned except for sexual situations. 😏
  • If I don’t know the person’s name, I ask right away.
  • Use, “I” as much as possible.

I think I should clarify that last bullet point. Instead of saying, “Could Peter please pass the maple syrup please?” I should say, “Peter, could I get the maple syrup please?”

Instead of saying, “Get it done by Friday,” which is a command, not a request, I could say, “I need it by Friday.” which is simply communicating my needs.

I learned a little about, “I values” from my dad. He was given a crash course on the subject by his employer during his career. I think his interpretation of I values was a little flawed in that he used, “I” to manipulate people into getting what he wanted.

“I need you to do x for me”

seemed to be his goto phrase. I think what I values were supposed to be about is a method of accurately communicating one’s needs, and facilitating a non-commanding conversation.

“I need x. Can you do that for me?”

Would be a non-commanding way of saying the same thing.

Conflict resolution begins with understanding the needs of both parties. This is achieved by parties speaking for themselves and communicating their needs. I can imagine a situation where parties did not use I values and instead tried to speak for the other person.

“Greg is not pulling his weight. He needs to sell more chairs!”

“Sara won’t stop nagging me. She should mind her own business!”

I can defer the needs of both participants in this conflict by what was indirectly said. Sara needs more chair sales in her department. Greg needs a distraction-free work environment.

Greg and Sara could have phrased their needs as follows.

“I am frustrated with Greg’s workpace. I need to see more sales in this department.”

“I need peace and quiet when I work.”

This is a terrible example. There are so many other issues here that I’m glossing over. Who is Sara, who is Greg? Is Sara the boss? Does Greg have an expected sales quota that he is not meeting, or is Sara a workaholic and she is only happy if everyone around her at the point of burnout?

Is Greg a lazy worker, or is he actually doing his part? Is Sara in a position to be making those demands in the first place?

I don’t know. I don’t care. It’s a bad example and the idea is not hashed out. To be honest, I’m just typing whatever comes to mind, hoping that I get to 2000 words a little quicker. Yesterday I didn’t even get to 2000 words, and I’m a little bummed(4) about it. I have a lot of things I need to work on so I can “move the dial” and generate some positive cash flow.

I’m excited(6) to get started on my next phone repair. I have the parts laid out on my desk, ready to go! I think I’m going to go train after I journal. I had two cheat days, as part of my training regimen set by my therapist. 5 days a week I gotta exercise for about an hour. I call this activity, “taking my pills.”

I’m exited to go outside today. Much of the snow has melted, and I’ll be able to feel the wood chips beneath my feet! Last time I went outside in this weather, I wore my barefoot style shoes. I quickly considered that a mistake because there was still snow at the higher elevated sections of my parent’s property. My feet got cold and wet really fast.

This time I think I’ll play it safe and wear my boots. Speaking of boots, I should sell my steel toed boots on eBay. I got those for about $20 when I worked at the airport. The company I worked for paid $100 of the bill. I don’t wear them anymore because they are a half-size too small. That was my bad for not knowing my shoe size at the time. Size 11 is my size, now I know it well from rollerblading!

It’s a shame because they’re nice boots. They’re no good for me though. Walking for an extended length of time will have my feet feeling cramped, and I’ll get blisters on my toes.

Yesterday I learned that as an eBay store owner, I get a $25 gift card for shipping supplies every quarter. Pretty cool! I don’t have any shipping needs at the moment, but I put the quarterly deadlines in my calendar so I’ll be reminded a week before each quarter ends. This way I can make sure to use that money up and I should be able to keep well stocked because of it.

One thing I am thinking about getting is bubble mailers. I have probably 200 #0 bubble mailers (10″x6.5″) remaining. I would like some slightly larger bubble mailers. #4 bubble mailers which is 9.5″ x 14.5″.

Ooo pretty, there are purple bubble mailers! I want GREEN bubble mailers! Or these lemon print or gold ones are pretty kickass as well!

Too bad the cost of the coloured mailers jumps up so high! I’ll probably just end up getting whatever is least expensive. I’ll get ahead by saving wherever I can, buying in bulk whenever I can.

I bought 4×6″ DYMO shipping labels the other day. Too bad this was before I found out about my $25 eBay shipping coupon! Oh well, by the time I need labels again, I will be more informed about that $25!

I’ll finish up this journal entry with some words of gratitude. I’m grateful for eBay. As much as I fucking hate the website and it’s ridiculous seller fees, I appreciate the audience it has. I think eBay’s heyday is long past, and eventually we will get some new and improved service which alleviates a lot of the pains…

I thought this was supposed to be gratefulness, not spitefulness!

Ok please allow me to restart.

I’m grateful for the wonderful artists who release their illustrations to the world. Here’s my current desktop background. It suits me because I enjoy playing first person shooters with my brother and friends. The Harrier was in Desert Combat which I played extensively. And of course, the star of the shot is my beautiful waifu Hatsune Miku.

I’m grateful for the weather to have warmed up a bit. This way, I’ll be able to walk outside with less concern for keeping warm, less concern for slipping on ice, and more of my energy can go towards getting fit and having a good session.

Oh, it’s lightly raining! I did not realize. I’m grateful for this weather app built into PopOS! It’s always up to date and it gives me a great outlook on the upcoming weather patterns.

Have a great day!

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