Wed Jul 15 2020

I’m going to have to put a sign up on my door during the day which says either, “do not disturb” or “no knocking.”

There have been too many days in the past two weeks when someone comes to my door and knocks while I’m taking a nap. I have enough trouble sleeping as is; it’s getting really old.

I get up in a half sleep state, get dressed, just hoping with all my might that the person on the other side doesn’t get impatient and open the door while I’m half naked. I struggle to become awake and stumble over to the door and open it, and whoever has knocked got tired of waiting and already walked off.

This is becoming the most stupid routine and I’m so angry that my sleep is getting interrupted.

I have the luxury of taking naps and it’s getting sabotaged by someone who wants to pound on my door like an uncivilized Australopithecus.

The whole reason I took a nap was because I didn’t feel rested. To awake mid-sleep cycle is the surest way to continue that feeling.

I have this boundary that I am not communicating to my family. The boundary is that I often take naps during the day, and I don’t want people knocking on my door and interrupting my naps. It’s often in the afternoon, which is the time that seems to be the hotspot for knocks.

I’m just going to have to communicate that knocking around that time is not appreciated.

I made this using and a watermarked doorhandle sign vector that I traced. I printed this out on a thermal label.

I figured that the thermal label would get hit by the sun, and over time turn completely black, so I cut out the thermal label on the white parts, then stuck a piece of paper underneath the cutout.

Finally, I affixed the label to a piece of cardboard, and cut out the border.

Now I can ward off those interruptive knocks, and hopefully get some quality fucking sleep for a change.

3:22PM. I want to get over to my brother M.’s apartment because it’s his birthday today. I have a gift all packaged up and ready to deliver.

I haven’t rode to his apartment before. I’ve been in the area because it’s right off the Centennial trail, but I don’t know the exact way to get to his apartment.

I think right now is a good time to go. It’s an hour before rush hour, so any later and I’ll have to deal with lots of dangerous traffic. Boy, it’s going to be hot today.

$305 in my paypal account. I think I’m going to be okay this month. $178 in my bank account. My cryptocurrency cashout must have come through. AND THANK GOODNESS that it did so before I overdrafted. I was afraid of another $25 overdraft fee being deducted from my already debt-ridden finances.

Ok we good. I’m going to stop by Wal-Mart after I make the delivery, and pick up some MUCH NEEDED APPLES.

I haven’t had apples since last Friday when I went shooting with my brother B. I’m really craving apples and the good energy I get from them.

Ok, I’m off to make shit happen. More when I get back.

OK I’m back. Wow, what a ride. I was completely out of energy for a majority of that ride. I constantly felt like falling over. I couldn’t handle the hill on the way home, and I ended up walking up most of it. I was overwhelmed by the 5 o’clock rush of cars and I got off the road and waited for a break.

I was just completely exhausted. I found M.’s apartment alright, and I dropped off the package. I was so hungry but I didn’t bring any snacks. Even if I did bring snacks, I knew that eating would cause me more pain because of how hot it was and how much I needed to have an empty stomach to perform well on a bicycle.

I got on the Centennial trail, found a bench, and just chilled for about 20 minutes. The hunger pains finally subsided after which I got back on Sullivan and went south.

Went to the Wal-Mart parking then I remember how much I dislike Wal-Mart. I think Wal-Mart is the place to get my bike stolen, so I said, “fuck that” and I went to Fred Meyer instead. If I got a choice, I’m going to take Fred Meyer!

There were two FM employees chillin’ on their phones by the bike locks. I was super awkward as I locked up my bike. I felt like I was intruding on their space. I wish I would have gone to the other entrance where there was a more seldomly used bike lock.

I was all sweaty but I didn’t care. I was about to get a sweet sweet load of apples and peanut butter, and nothing was going to stop me!

I did pretty good actually, social anxiety wise. I didn’t give a fuck. I was uncomfortable, but I really didn’t care.

If I were more anxious, I would have backed off and gone to the more secluded bike lock. But I wasn’t. I was okay with being uncomfortable for a bit while I locked up my bike.

Maybe next time I could say something like, “nice day today.” instead of just, “excuse me” as I squeezed into the bike lock area. Or not. I don’t give a fuck.

I gave a fuck at the time. I wished I wasn’t so uncomfortable as I was locking up my bike. I guess this is exposure therapy. I got in there and I locked my bike. I was courteous. I didn’t rush myself, I took my time and locked my bike properly.

What was the result of my behavior? Just an average interaction with a stranger. I guess it wasn’t bad. I guess I can do it again and maybe say something nice. It would be a good experiment.

An experiment, yes! A social experiment. I like experiments.

My vegan diet started as an experiment. Now it’s just a way of life.

I want pizza.

I want vegan pizza and vegan ice cream. Fuck yeah, that’s some good eating.

I got home and peeled and sliced two apples. Then I devoured them with peanutbutter. Then I was in pain as my dehydrated body started to digest the food.

I sat down on the floor in front of my couch and closed my eyes. Finally a burp came through and I felt relieved.

I got on the computer. Decided to take the evening off. No work today! No work other than the shipments I made this morning, that is. I also need to do some ROI calculations, then I’m closing down Ubuntu and booting into Windows to play Squad with my mates.

Oh yeah, I missed the part where I ate two more peeled and sliced apples with peanut butter. This is both a meal and a treat. I love the combination almost as much as I love vegan ice cream!

I would have vegan ice cream more often if it didn’t cost $6 for a little tub. I usually have a coupon but it’s still to expensive to have every week.

I’d like to get to the point where I’m

  1. Out of debt
  2. Able to afford expensive food on a weekly basis

I’m at zero right now.

My favorite customer seems like he’s upset about me not having new products in every week. I can’t afford that! I can get some new products like once every two months right now. I suppose I’m failing as a business in a way, because I don’t have regular new products.

Eh… I don’t care. I had to close Discord because I’m feeling annoyed. The customer hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s all me. It’s all me and it’s because I haven’t been eating very well these past few days.

Literally all I ingested today was

  1. Water
  2. Multivitamin
  3. Vitamin D
  4. 4 large Fuji apples (peeled and sliced)
  5. Peanut butter

I feel fine now. A little sleepy but that’ll probably wear off once I digest that second round of apples & peanut butter.

PEELED AND SLICED APPLES. The peeling is VERY important!

I just got a text from my older sister who asked me if it was me that hacked twitter.

This was news to me! Apparently the story is still developing, but it’s the #1 story on HackerNews right now.

Wow, that’s a huge hack! Apparently Twitter security teams have fucked up!

I love the speculation that is going on in the comments on Hacker News–

So yeah, big hack. It’s as if the attacker got unrestricted access to make tweets from any account, and they used their exploit to post a “double your money” bitcoin scam via Twitter from some of the most prominent accounts. Joe Biden, Elon Musk, Kanye West, Coinbase, etc. etc. etc.

This will be interesting to see how it unfolds. A part of me wants to know who did it. Another part of me wants this to be a mystery which never gets resolved.

I wonder what Twitter’s response will be.

Could you imagine if Twitter wasn’t able to figure out the hack was done? That’s highly improbable, but could you imagine?

Twitter’s stock dropped 3% today, but just imagine if they couldn’t figure out where the vulnerability was at. They would SINK.

Maybe Mastodon would take over? I know a bunch of people who have flocked to Mastodon. No pun intended LOL.

Maybe it was Twitter’s red team who did the hack? Nah, that’s too much for a red team. If that was Twitter’s red team, I bet they would get fired immediately for their lack of discretion.

North Korea? LOL I kid. North Korea is a joke. If it was a country’s cyber force, my money would be on US or China.

Eh… I don’t think this attack was malicious enough to be a state actor. I think it might just be a script kiddie black hat who scored a BINGO on their game of pentesting.


(pls don’t hack me)

Or if you do hack me, make it a really funny one. For teh lulz.

Goddamn, I love a good hacker story.

I remember reading about Stuxnet and having my mind blown at it’s complexity and it’s stealth.

The crazy thing about hacking is that it’s just a knowledge game. If you know something that most other people don’t, you have the upper hand.

Because it’s an issue of brain not bronze, the nerds of the world finally get to be on top. It’s a nice change of how things work in natural law, where, “might is right”. I think that’s mostly a good thing, because of how ethics and compassion get a spotlight nowadays.

“Nowadays.” what a strange word.

I got a text from my best friend M. A funny programmer comic showing a stick figure huddled over their keyboard with a confused expression. The following text is displayed.

Programmers while coding:

It don’t work… Why?

It work… Why?

I wanna be done writing! I wanna go play Squad or eat more food or call B. and ask him why his SIG P320 XFIVE is not shown on the SIG website.

I want the same pistol that he has. It’s a $1000 gun, but I want it. It feels so good in the hand and it shoots like a RIFLE. I want to get one and get good like him.

I could do IPSC and all that jazz. Seems like a fun hobby, and it’d get me out of the house on a regular basis. Plus it’d give me a home defense gun.

Wait, I already have a home defense gun. But I don’t lock my door so it’s not like I would have a chance at getting it out of it’s case and aiming it at an intruder nearly fast enough to be useful.

A pistol would be so much better for me. I don’t even need my shotgun. It isn’t even legally mine– it’s registered to my dad.

Eh, I could use it down the line. I like trap shooting. I would like to shoot skeet sometime too.

Ey, 2000 words. I’m out!

I haven’t been doing very good with therapy stuff. I have just been so focused on work.

I’m tempted to say, “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Fack. I don’t want to procrastinate that. I guess I’ll do some right now.

30q #13c

Does god create bad people? Is there a place for forgiveness in recovery?

Yes, god creates bad people. God creates people of all types so god can experience every conceivable situation.

That’s how I view god. God is just bored and trying new things through us. The human experience, is much better than what god has to deal with in infinite nothingness.

I wonder what my therapist is going to say about my belief that god creates bad people. Well it’s not like bad is inherently in them, it’s just a combination of nature and nurture which results in bad people.

I heard a saying once. “There are no bad people. There are only bad behaviors.” I heard that from Tim Van Orden who does motivational speaking and stuff. He brought it up as a reminder for compassion.

People can change. People can do things that are bad, and later regret doing those things. It’s kinda like labelling someone a shoplifter vs. saying, “they shoplifted.”

The label is convenient, but it doesn’t tell the whole story. Maybe they got caught, served their time, made ammends to the shopkeeper, and now live an honest life. If the label, “shoplifter” had stuck with them for all time, that wouldn’t be a good label after a certain point.

OK I change my answer. God doesn’t create bad people. The reality simulation which started simply and may have been created with good intentions, occasionally poops out people who behave badly.

I’m grateful for my friend M.

I’m grateful for my sister A.

I’m grateful for my brother B.

I’m grateful for my brother D.

I’m grateful for my brother M.

I’m grateful for my sister K.

I’m grateful for my sister in law J.

Oh by the way, J. is pregnant! I’m going to be an uncle!


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