Wed Jun 3 2020

I’m feeling depressed this morning.

I got my eBay invoice for May and I owe $240. I only have $190 in my paypal which means the rest is coming out of my bank account.

I’m out of postage stamps. I had to overpay on postage this morning because I was out.

It’s nice outside so there are too many people walking on the street.

I tried to walk outside three times, but each time I get depressed and go back inside.

I made it all the way to the road until I saw a woman walking her dog in the same direction. I pretended to go to the mailbox then I walked back home.

I stared into the backyard for a few minutes and tried to figure out what I’m doing.

I tried again, walking towards the road. I saw another walker and I turned around and went inside.

It’s too late. I’m leaving too late in the morning. It’s too nice of a day and people are out.


I ate breakfast and I shouldn’t have. I got a bill that I’m not prepared to pay. I’m out of postage which means almost every sale from here until I restock my stamps are going to cost me rather than earn me anything. My sales forecasts are not looking good.

I didn’t even walk this morning.

I’m all out of whack.

I’m playing the SpaceX Dragon ISS docking simulator to dull the pain I’m feeling.

This is my equivalent to day drinking.

This is what my depression looks like.

I’m probably not going to do anything productive today. I’m probably not going to do any yoga. I’m probably going to try to eat but my meal will be unpalatable. I’ll throw out the food then go to sleep.

I’m not liking this way of living. I can’t handle the expenses that are being thrown at me. I’m not equipped to handle them.

Suicide seems like a valid option right now.

I think I get how life is. It’s a constant struggle. This cycle that I’m in is stupid. I’m having to pull money out of savings, pull money out of the stock market, pull money out of bitcoin, just to keep paying eBay.

I’m in a grace period on eBay. I have 2,600 listings, but in July those listings are going to cost me $0.10 per listing per month. That’s just how it is.

eBay isn’t set up for low value sellers like myself. Low value items I mean.

I don’t have the sales volume. I fucked up on my postage reorder level. I don’t have beans to make food. I can’t go outside because I’m afraid of simultaneously sharing the same area as a stranger.

I napped, and ate rice/potatos/pico de gallo.

I’m going to take a break from eBay. I need to take a day and not visit the site unless I get sales.

I’m just worrying about it. I’m worrying about the economy and whether or not I can turn a profit.

I’m simply worrying.

I’m going to work on some other projects for awhile.

Just got a sale for a sewing machine part. The sewing machine parts that I bought from a thrift store several months ago have been good to me. I think the parts totalled $15 and there were maybe 20 parts. I’ve probably made close to $45 back on the parts. Good investment.

Well it’s good to see that I sold another part, because these parts are too large for letter size mail. I’m completely out of 55 cent stamps due to my mistake. I don’t want to ship any letters right now, because doing so would mean I’d have to pay for postage online. I’d have to upgrade to a package and overpay on postage it it were a letter.

Well I’ve come up with a solution to my lack of postage. I’m not going to get a restock of postage until at least Monday, so I’m going to wake up early and go to Albertson’s tommorrow. Albertson’s sells stamps. I can get my beans and tortillas, in addition to getting the postage that I’ll likely need for the weekend.

I need to figure out more ways to make money. I have to square up to the reality that the economy is not likely to support my eBay business. I may need to do some downscaling in order to survive. My listings may need to become more pruned. My selections may have to diminish.

I started a Bonanza store on Monday. It took awhile to import all my eBay listings, but it’s done now. I’m thinking that maybe Bonanza can be the place where I park my 1000s of items, then I can export them to eBay on demand. Maybe. I think there are fees associated with doing eBay exports which don’t make a whole lot of sense to pay when I can do something to work around that.

When I say I need to make more money, I’m not suggesting that Bonanza is a solution. I’m thinking that I need to figure out an alternative revenue stream entirely.

I’m thinking first principles right now. How is money made?

What is the first principle of making money? I don’t know the answer.

I think the first principle of making money is that people give me their money in exchange for me providing value. I don’t know if that’s it, or just something that tends to work.

If providing value is the first principle of making money, I simply need to find more people to provide value to.

The otakus can’t carry me right now. The otakus are broke just like me.

I’m too depressed to do literally anything.

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